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always alone suffering

Posted by Alone at May 3, 2012
Tags: Loneliness  2012 May

i guess im destined to be alone and it really fucking sucks. Ive never had a boyfriend...i have no friends. ive been aloen for 15 years..its hell like i can't describe. I cant meet anyone, i cant meet a guy...im alone 24/7. The only people I hang out with weirdos i meet off the internet who are freaks who try to use me for sex and when they can't get any they bail and I have to get on craigslist to meet these weirdos and put ads in--it sucks.. My friendships with tehse weirdos last 2 weeks usually through text then they're gone. I can't go to parties, anything i have no friends, and people shun me. peopel who whine about being alone when they have people make me sick-- try living in my shoes a day you'd freak out. No one comes to visit me...i have to trick people into visiting me and usually they are these weirdo guys thinking they'll get laid. The only people who coem to my place are these ugly loser weirdo males who are hoping to get laid-- it's awkward and strange...I have to suffer through chatting or a bad movie where they're saying "why don't you come sit next to me"..and im like nah..not into that...sometimes im scared some sicko weirdo might rape me. But that might be ok since im a VIRGIN and in my 30's...ive never had a boyfriend...im beautiful and gorgeous but doesn't matter--males hate me cuz im beautiful so i cant meet anyone except tehse fuking weirdos off craigslist and I give up--it's so weird and not fair...ive NEVER had a relationship NEVER had a boyfriend...never slept in bed with a guy two nights in a row...never had a sex life...its sick and messed up...life isnt supposed to be this way-- but i can't change it.. i cant meet a nice guy I like and the only people i do meet are weirdos who make me puke from craigslist who are freaks...

the only friend I have is a 60 year old bisexual freak pervert who molests cats, and never had sex with me despite claiming he's my boyfriend. And he is my worst enemy and mentally torments me and blackmails manipulates and abuses me and nothing else..It's like i can't meet anyone and this stalking freak is obsessed with me because he knows im totally aloen and have no one and he has manipulated abused me mentally and blackmails me--if i don't listen to him or what not he threatens to go to the police. He has already had charges pressed on me-- false ones and put me through hell. he is a sadist, really twisted sociopath and very sick. Ive NEVER had a sex life or a relationship or even slept in a bed with a male TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW---ANY MALE..that is crazy. I'm a highly sexual beautiful woman but NO man will be wiht me-- it's freaking nuts, except this 60 year old sociopath who I'm sure is a pedophile too...but he won't be wiht me or sleep with me he just uses me to control and abuse and he's more gay than anything. He is an extreme narcissist so if I try to break away from this maniac he might do something bad to me or hurt me. So basically he uses me as a puppet to control/abuse and if i refuse his abuse he might hurt me or go to the police and make up things about me..he's also an ex-pimp and kept wanting me to be a prostitute or tried to brainwash me but never did it or tried, and im a virgin who HE REFUSED to have sex with. To this day he has NEVER had sex with me but talks about it but won't do it-- he's sick crazy weird...He also does black magic and other scary stuff to me and is just a disturbed sick person and has done some horrible major things to me and likes to make me suffer..he's also stalking me or knows what im doing 24/7.

I'm cursed on another level. I only meet freaks weirdos psychos who want to hurt me nothing else or people who want to destroy dominate and ruin me and they end up doing it. My mother is a narcissist who has ruined my life and very sick messed up person.. The 15 years of loneliness ive had hasnt just been loneliness it has been extreme suffering too with family membesr doing horrible things to my life and putting me through extreme suffering...including a crazy mother trying to put me through 'healer situations' which i can't get into--and ruining my life in bizarre and major ways legally and other things, trying to have me labeled incompetent and other stuff so she can have control over my life. Ive been through MAJOR suffering i cant describe here but it's bad and i have suffered horribly with no fun friends support help healing nothing...I tried going to counselors who abused me too or didn't help me and lots of weird things and just gave up and said screw it..everything I do it's like im fighting for my rights, trying to fight injustice oppression or mistreatment...everything is some stupid battle where people are screwing me over..or most things are anyway...

i have only been abused put through hell suffering totally alone no sex no life no friends and now at the end of it-- im STILL ALONE with no one and nothing. im cursed and for some weird reason cant meet ANYONE except tehse weirdo freaks off the internet...who are scary weird sick people. Ive even met people who have done some seriously dark stuff to me metaphysically...and for some reason...this doesn't change...everything just gets worse..and i go through more hell...and that's it. No fun, no friends no parties no sex no vacations..NOTHING FUN ever in my life..my life is only LONELINESS and suffering...nothing else. I have no one to do anything with-- i have to entice some craigslist weirdo to hang out with and they try to use me or treat me badly then they're gone...any job I get I do great at but then threaten to get fired...im good at anything i do but instead of getting rewarded I get punished. I just lost a job I was so good at, and at the top for no reason ...jealousy or who knows...now im just ALONE and that's it..with nothing to do, no friends..no sex no boyfriend..every year its the SAME..still ALONE SINGLE NO BOYFRIEND no sex..a virgin..it's hard to believe someones life can be the SAME year after year--no friends no one just alone and suffering...i cant believe im gorgeous and a virgin and i cant meet ANY guy to be a boyfriend?? im cursed on another level and when i hear about peopel with lives, boyfriends, relationships it makes me sick..b/c for some reason im not allowed to have that and im not sure why.. no matter how HARD i try to meet someone it won't happen then some weird fuking psycho creep comes into my life to torment me for fun...that's it...and i suffer and that's it...and then im lonely and i go through loneliness then round 2 of extreme suffering, and hell then loneliness and that's it...if you lived my life you would be cursed and wouldn't be able to handle it- beautiful nice smart cool and no one likes you everyone is jealous of you, guys hate you and you cant meet anyone or get a boyfriend or make friends and you just suffer and people mistreat you 24/7... then someone does something REALLY bad to you and puts you through major suffering...then you SUFFER horribly go through hell then...come out of it tortured suffering and no one helps you...then you try to heal and someone else torments you for fun and repeat that whole scenario and that's my life..that's my life and that's it..nothing else...


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By at 03,May,12 09:55

Good day non whore, I hope that you find that special man soon, I feel very badly for your situation. My love, why dont you try a church group or even a gaming room. It will get better my dear girl. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN


By anonymous at 03,May,12 12:27

Might try online dating sites, that may help you


By anonymous at 03,May,12 13:03

I only got to the part about the black magic... lol


By Cursed at 03,May,12 14:26

Dear friend-
What ever possesed you to go on Craigslist? Everyone knows that site is full of whack jobs! Try an online dating site where you actually have to pay. It weeds out some of the crazies. Plenty of Fish, Match.com, E-Harmony, Chemistry, are just a few....
Other than online dating sites, try to joining clubs or organizations. Volunteer. Get yourself outside, away from the computer and see what happens...
Also- STOP inviting people to your home. Not a very good idea. Now the crazies know where you live.
Cursed
By anonymous at 03,May,12 16:35

ive tried them all-- ive been to social groups, dating sites..nothign works... the CL people are weird most are 'ok' not dangerous but still they are strange and not safe to have them over for sure...


By justme at 03,May,12 16:25

Alone,

You should stop posting on Craiglist, and stop taking people you meet online to your home. It IS dangerous. It is NOT okay to be raped, no matter how old and virginal you are. Also you should stop ANY contact with the senior bisexual cat-molester (?) freak. Why on earth would you put yourself on a situation where he "refused to have sex"?

Independently of how beautiful and gorgeous you are, you obviously have to work on building self-esteem. Liking yourself is not bragging about your looks. It is mostly about being comfortable in your own skin - and this includes not looking for approval on strangers.

Having said that, I can understand that you feel lonely and sad. If you really want to straighten things up, why don't you follow some of the nice advice above? Try online dating, volunteer work, etc. Once you stop focusing on how you are 30 and have no boyfriend, you will find some room to care for yourself. And, when you like yourself, you become more likable to people around you.
By Alone at 03,May,12 16:39

im very comfortable in my own skin...i have no self esteem issues...others have issues with me b/c im attractive... loving yourself has nothign to do with being single...thats a myth and so off...i love myself and have great self esteem..others dont like me and do not accept me...so theres nothing i can do about it. everyday i get berated by this 60 year old cat molesting freak b/c he claims hes homeless now and hes saying its my fault for writing bad things about him on the internet..this sicko is threatening to send me to jail and he can and will do it---GOd knows how but he is a sociopath and sick and finds a way...so i have to take his verbal absue daily on the phone...if i refuse to-- he will make me suffer...and he 'will' do it. if i turn away and hang up or say "fuck you"...he will make me suffer...and this after i lose a job where i get screwed over and im just tryign to get my commission statement from people at work who wont give it to me and are treating me like a criminal for trying to get my dollar info..really nasty people...and they're just jealous b/c the company owes me 4k and they dont want to give me the information, so weird... this carzy old guy...i cant get away from his abuse/control... if i try he'll try to hurt threaten or have me put in jail...make up bizarre lies about me...hes trying to make me suffer and miserable and claiming that i deserve it b/c he cant geta job and its my fault..its all a lie/story/game...i cant say thats not true he will make me suffer if i do...i dont know what to do at this point...it all sucks...
By anonymous at 03,May,12 16:47

the thing is-- how much abuse do you have ot take in life? im always abused by people...its disgusting...all day i spent being berated by this monster/maniac sociopath cat molesting freak...if i hang up the phone he begins calling harassing my mother and calling his lawyer to have me put in jail...it's crazy stuff...he blames me for his financial problems because he is crazy...we live in two different cities...we barely see each other..he's just a twisted freak...everyone is like throwing the hammer on me for fun...all people do is abuse me...this guy is the devil...he forced me to call some lady to get a job selling directv...so we can sell it together.. hes a control freak psychopath...im texting people at my old job to give me my commission statement numbers and theya re being rude and wont give it to me...if that was me i'd give ot to the otehr person in a heartbeat...im surprised that peopel are this mean and careless...you get fired and they cant even help you out..really sick people...why people are so evil makes me sick..i take abuse day after day...and then finally i snap like today..i cant take it anymore...just non-stop abuse by idiots jerks and im really nice and kidn to people and they think they can treat me lower than shit...these people at work are surprising..they cant print out one piece of paper to give me my commission numbers to help me out? i dont want to call a manager because the managers might lie and give me false information.... then im getting berated by this monster who is threatening to have me sent to jail claiming i ruined his life...he is torturing me daily for fun...sick fucker...and i cant retaliate because he is so brutal and cruel he will make me suffer even worse...hes saying its eitehr his abuse or jail...and a lawyer is ready to put me in jail...hes not bluffing anything he says is true and he will do....and put me in fear and subordination... he claims hes homeless...really he wants me to give him money or try to support him and im like no fucking way..hes mad i have 10k saved up...really 10k, big deal..i cant even save up money without sickos in my life trying to take it away from me...or be jealous....this monster will torture me to no end..and make me suffer..until im scrreaming suffering....its not fair or right...
By justme at 03,May,12 17:14

Alone...

Where do I start? Of course loving yourself has nothing to do with being single. One can be single and be perfectly happy. However, from your words, it is implied that being single IS a big deal for you.

I'm sorry but it also appears to me that you do have self-esteem issues... And I don't mean that you don't like your physical appearance, it is very clear that you do (maybe too clear?). Self-esteem has more to it than looks. You seem to need the approval from "Craiglist weirdos" and you say "you have to take his verbal abuse". Why? Change your phone number, get a restraining order against him, stop writing about him, whatever it takes. You live in two different cities!! Stop giving him the importance he should not have on your life.

Lastly, some people are evil and mean. But some people aren't. I would like to believe that most people aren't. You say you tried online dating, clubs, etc. So, if you still think that everyone is against you and just out there to make you suffer, you have to stop and think. Can you take responsibility about some of it? Is there something you can improve?
By Cursed at 03,May,12 17:17 Fold Up

One term for you my friend: RESTRAINING ORDER. Go to your local county courthouse- fill out the paper work- viola- he will not be allowed to contact you or come within any distance near you. Problem solved.
By Cursed at 03,May,12 17:40 Fold Up

Here here! Good advice Just Me!


By anonymous at 03,May,12 18:28

Get stoned on pot. Forget about all your problems.


By anonymous at 03,May,12 19:20

you should try a singles group there are many and many of them are people like you


By anonymous at 04,May,12 05:30

Shut up bitch and go get stoned on weed. And you're an idiot. Why would you take strangers to your house? You silly piece of shit.


By anonymous at 05,May,12 06:31

if i met you i would not want to speak to you for any longer than 30 secs coz thats all i could handle of your repetative, whiney rant! seriously SHUT UP and focus! do something positive! love yourself and who you are and STOP TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ABUSE YOU!! you clearly see yourself as a 'victim' and so u let yourself become one. everything thats happening to you is your own fault and unless u take charge and take control of yourself nothing will get better. spend 20% of your energy on the problem, and 80% of your energy on the solution.


By Career Choice at 05,May,12 19:35

You need to get laid. Get some cock quickly, try women too. In the future, become a masseuse, you know the blow job type. You can make a thousand a day doing it. Good luck with your new life.
By anonymous at 06,May,12 03:25

"Good luck with your new life" hahah fuck that's the first thing to make me laugh all day.


By anonymous at 05,May,12 20:36

You need to get a gun or some self defense device and contact the authorities or see an attorney and file a restraining order. There are lots of horny men out there who want to have sex its normal just go and find one. I'm not joking we will fuck anything that moves that's just how guys are, if that's what you are looking for. Don't go on craigslist anymore.


By anonymous at 06,May,12 03:38

Honestly I feel for u. And my best advice is that u need to get the fuck away from the cat guy. The only reason he has any power over u is because u allow him to have power over u. Be stronger than that don't let anyone control you. U say he'll call the cops on u? Wtf did u do!? U have freedom of speach I can call u a bitch on the internet and no one's gonna do shit about it. Tell him to go fuck another cat and get off ur jock. Change ur number and forget his existance and get a restraining order so he can't harm u. As for ur old job... If that's money owed to u and they won't give it to you and u have proof... Hire a lawyer and sew their asses for all they have. Stop with the craigslist ppl (not all are bad I've posted a few times out of boredom) just make sure ur in public the first few times u meet up. And if ur really that beautiful why not Give some nice guys a chance but do it in a subtle way.. Go out on dates don't invite them home that just gives guys the wrong impression. Most importantly get away from this weird 60 year old. I'm sure u've done nothing unlawful to him so telling him to fuck off shouldn't be hard u shouldn't have to feel the need to stay in contact with him because ur alone. If need any1 just to talk to u can contact me at gjabsi_9@yahoo.com. I'm also alone.. Work 9-9 7days a week if I ever meet anyone I'd be lucky! But it sounds like u could use some help more than me.


By at 06,May,12 06:47

i am also alone out here. if want it 2 of us being friends let get start to keep our self alive and hope for great future my contact mrbrawnwhite@gmail.com


By duzzy at 06,May,12 06:48

Well what happened to me is I was dating a guy for almost two years. Then I found out his ex girlfriend moved back to our town and started talking to him. She was a really bad influence on him and was ruining such a good relationship that we had. I didn't know what to do and I had tried a few spells in the past from psychics, but none worked to bring him back. When I finally tried from the MESSIAH the other girl got out of the picture and he came back to me within a week. There are definitely some powerful forces out there that can be a true blessing! The email is freemercytemple@yahoo.com contact him and your relationship shall flourish


By anonymous at 09,May,12 07:55

you know what, ur just being a chicken ,you think always that ur life suck ofcourse it will ,try new things be spontaneous ,throw a drink on strangers face and let go of grudges u holding on because they are not doing any good to you.Try to go to new places or festivals and meet people.most important of all have smile on ur face no matter what cause nobody likes sad stories ,you dont want to be with a guy just becuase he feels sorry for you.

trust me doing crazy stuff just makes u look cuter ,think good and eventually it will happen. dont leave the things for tommorow ,do it today u ll feel great.


By anonymous at 09,May,12 07:59

and one more thing stop using computer for online dating seriously thats just pathatic , you need real life ,respect yourself more than anything ,have boundries e.g in my situation i like to keep ignoring and make them fell like i am not a easy catch but at the same point i tellthem i need them. man is like puppy u train them well ur life will be smooth


By anonymous at 12,May,12 22:34

Go to okcupid.com i personally think its like the best dating site. U can find men with good intentions there


By link building at 26,Oct,13 17:18

FvKY4O Wow, great article. Really Great.


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