i guess im destined to be alone and it really fucking sucks. Ive never had a boyfriend...i have no friends. ive been aloen for 15 years..its hell like i can't describe. I cant meet anyone, i cant meet a guy...im alone 24/7. The only people I hang out with weirdos i meet off the internet who are freaks who try to use me for sex and when they can't get any they bail and I have to get on craigslist to meet these weirdos and put ads in--it sucks.. My friendships with tehse weirdos last 2 weeks usually through text then they're gone. I can't go to parties, anything i have no friends, and people shun me. peopel who whine about being alone when they have people make me sick-- try living in my shoes a day you'd freak out. No one comes to visit me...i have to trick people into visiting me and usually they are these weirdo guys thinking they'll get laid. The only people who coem to my place are these ugly loser weirdo males who are hoping to get laid-- it's awkward and strange...I have to suffer through chatting or a bad movie where they're saying "why don't you come sit next to me"..and im like nah..not into that...sometimes im scared some sicko weirdo might rape me. But that might be ok since im a VIRGIN and in my 30's...ive never had a boyfriend...im beautiful and gorgeous but doesn't matter--males hate me cuz im beautiful so i cant meet anyone except tehse fuking weirdos off craigslist and I give up--it's so weird and not fair...ive NEVER had a relationship NEVER had a boyfriend...never slept in bed with a guy two nights in a row...never had a sex life...its sick and messed up...life isnt supposed to be this way-- but i can't change it.. i cant meet a nice guy I like and the only people i do meet are weirdos who make me puke from craigslist who are freaks...
the only friend I have is a 60 year old bisexual freak pervert who molests cats, and never had sex with me despite claiming he's my boyfriend. And he is my worst enemy and mentally torments me and blackmails manipulates and abuses me and nothing else..It's like i can't meet anyone and this stalking freak is obsessed with me because he knows im totally aloen and have no one and he has manipulated abused me mentally and blackmails me--if i don't listen to him or what not he threatens to go to the police. He has already had charges pressed on me-- false ones and put me through hell. he is a sadist, really twisted sociopath and very sick. Ive NEVER had a sex life or a relationship or even slept in a bed with a male TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW---ANY MALE..that is crazy. I'm a highly sexual beautiful woman but NO man will be wiht me-- it's freaking nuts, except this 60 year old sociopath who I'm sure is a pedophile too...but he won't be wiht me or sleep with me he just uses me to control and abuse and he's more gay than anything. He is an extreme narcissist so if I try to break away from this maniac he might do something bad to me or hurt me. So basically he uses me as a puppet to control/abuse and if i refuse his abuse he might hurt me or go to the police and make up things about me..he's also an ex-pimp and kept wanting me to be a prostitute or tried to brainwash me but never did it or tried, and im a virgin who HE REFUSED to have sex with. To this day he has NEVER had sex with me but talks about it but won't do it-- he's sick crazy weird...He also does black magic and other scary stuff to me and is just a disturbed sick person and has done some horrible major things to me and likes to make me suffer..he's also stalking me or knows what im doing 24/7.
I'm cursed on another level. I only meet freaks weirdos psychos who want to hurt me nothing else or people who want to destroy dominate and ruin me and they end up doing it. My mother is a narcissist who has ruined my life and very sick messed up person.. The 15 years of loneliness ive had hasnt just been loneliness it has been extreme suffering too with family membesr doing horrible things to my life and putting me through extreme suffering...including a crazy mother trying to put me through 'healer situations' which i can't get into--and ruining my life in bizarre and major ways legally and other things, trying to have me labeled incompetent and other stuff so she can have control over my life. Ive been through MAJOR suffering i cant describe here but it's bad and i have suffered horribly with no fun friends support help healing nothing...I tried going to counselors who abused me too or didn't help me and lots of weird things and just gave up and said screw it..everything I do it's like im fighting for my rights, trying to fight injustice oppression or mistreatment...everything is some stupid battle where people are screwing me over..or most things are anyway...
i have only been abused put through hell suffering totally alone no sex no life no friends and now at the end of it-- im STILL ALONE with no one and nothing. im cursed and for some weird reason cant meet ANYONE except tehse weirdo freaks off the internet...who are scary weird sick people. Ive even met people who have done some seriously dark stuff to me metaphysically...and for some reason...this doesn't change...everything just gets worse..and i go through more hell...and that's it. No fun, no friends no parties no sex no vacations..NOTHING FUN ever in my life..my life is only LONELINESS and suffering...nothing else. I have no one to do anything with-- i have to entice some craigslist weirdo to hang out with and they try to use me or treat me badly then they're gone...any job I get I do great at but then threaten to get fired...im good at anything i do but instead of getting rewarded I get punished. I just lost a job I was so good at, and at the top for no reason ...jealousy or who knows...now im just ALONE and that's it..with nothing to do, no friends..no sex no boyfriend..every year its the SAME..still ALONE SINGLE NO BOYFRIEND no sex..a virgin..it's hard to believe someones life can be the SAME year after year--no friends no one just alone and suffering...i cant believe im gorgeous and a virgin and i cant meet ANY guy to be a boyfriend?? im cursed on another level and when i hear about peopel with lives, boyfriends, relationships it makes me sick..b/c for some reason im not allowed to have that and im not sure why.. no matter how HARD i try to meet someone it won't happen then some weird fuking psycho creep comes into my life to torment me for fun...that's it...and i suffer and that's it...and then im lonely and i go through loneliness then round 2 of extreme suffering, and hell then loneliness and that's it...if you lived my life you would be cursed and wouldn't be able to handle it- beautiful nice smart cool and no one likes you everyone is jealous of you, guys hate you and you cant meet anyone or get a boyfriend or make friends and you just suffer and people mistreat you 24/7... then someone does something REALLY bad to you and puts you through major suffering...then you SUFFER horribly go through hell then...come out of it tortured suffering and no one helps you...then you try to heal and someone else torments you for fun and repeat that whole scenario and that's my life..that's my life and that's it..nothing else... | |
What ever possesed you to go on Craigslist? Everyone knows that site is full of whack jobs! Try an online dating site where you actually have to pay. It weeds out some of the crazies. Plenty of Fish, Match.com, E-Harmony, Chemistry, are just a few....
Other than online dating sites, try to joining clubs or organizations. Volunteer. Get yourself outside, away from the computer and see what happens...
Also- STOP inviting people to your home. Not a very good idea. Now the crazies know where you live.
Cursed
You should stop posting on Craiglist, and stop taking people you meet online to your home. It IS dangerous. It is NOT okay to be raped, no matter how old and virginal you are. Also you should stop ANY contact with the senior bisexual cat-molester (?) freak. Why on earth would you put yourself on a situation where he "refused to have sex"?
Independently of how beautiful and gorgeous you are, you obviously have to work on building self-esteem. Liking yourself is not bragging about your looks. It is mostly about being comfortable in your own skin - and this includes not looking for approval on strangers.
Having said that, I can understand that you feel lonely and sad. If you really want to straighten things up, why don't you follow some of the nice advice above? Try online dating, volunteer work, etc. Once you stop focusing on how you are 30 and have no boyfriend, you will find some room to care for yourself. And, when you like yourself, you become more likable to people around you.
Where do I start? Of course loving yourself has nothing to do with being single. One can be single and be perfectly happy. However, from your words, it is implied that being single IS a big deal for you.
I'm sorry but it also appears to me that you do have self-esteem issues... And I don't mean that you don't like your physical appearance, it is very clear that you do (maybe too clear?). Self-esteem has more to it than looks. You seem to need the approval from "Craiglist weirdos" and you say "you have to take his verbal abuse". Why? Change your phone number, get a restraining order against him, stop writing about him, whatever it takes. You live in two different cities!! Stop giving him the importance he should not have on your life.
Lastly, some people are evil and mean. But some people aren't. I would like to believe that most people aren't. You say you tried online dating, clubs, etc. So, if you still think that everyone is against you and just out there to make you suffer, you have to stop and think. Can you take responsibility about some of it? Is there something you can improve?
trust me doing crazy stuff just makes u look cuter ,think good and eventually it will happen. dont leave the things for tommorow ,do it today u ll feel great.
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