Well, I guess I better start with this. My grandpa, who I called "Papaw" died of a Heart attack in his sleep when I was only eight years old. I became mildly depressed and cried myself to sleep every night for at least two years. I couldn't shake the feeling that I could have done something about it. My Papaw was the best Christian I've ever known so I have no doubt he's in a better place but I still nearly cry every time I think of him.
After a while of that I stopped. Got much happier and let myself breathe. The sadness of the loss still weighs on me but I have learned how to handle it. Now this next part is going to seem very childish and not nearly as bad as any of your problems, but I'm in sixth grade now, and life has kind of gone downhill. I know I have everything in front of me but life is hard right now. At the beginning of this school year I met an amazing girl (Who's name I don't want to give so for now I'll call her Veronica.) anyway, It took her a while to tell me this but she cuts herself. She started going to a counselor in sixth grade because she had horrible guilt problems. And eversince then her life has been hard. She has liked..Well loved a boy for four years, who has never liked her back. And to top it off her mother may have cancer. Now here's where she comes in: she is the one that told me my cousin (Also a teenager) Had lost his virginity an was now smoking. That killed me. My whole family being freakishly insane Christians I knew they would die if they heard. I have kept this information since around November. Anyway, she has helpe me through most of what I'm about to tell you.
About three weeks ago on a Friday night I was texted by a boy that I've liked for a very long time. I knew he was at a sleepover with some of his other friends so I made a mental note not to let myself get tricked. Well, we had a whole conversation and he just sent me "I like you." I was like oh my gosh.. And I sent him back "Haha, yeah right." Still convince it was fake. He sent back "No seriously I love your feminine aroma" I was like what the heck. So now I knew it was fake and I sent him "Fine then ask me out on Sunday." and he said "No I will now will you go out with me?" and I turned him down, feeling I had just been played. We talked more than I mentioned here. So it was a little more emotional than it sounds. But I later came to the realization..I was just asked out as a joke to the guy I've liked for over a year.. It make me want to cry. So, here's the bad part. I had messages him (before he played that joke) asking him If he liked my best friend. He hadn't answere on Facebook so I sent it to him in a text (Again, before he asked me out.) So later he answered; "No why do you keep asking me that?" and I kind of..I was just really pissed at him for even having the nerve to do that to me. So I sent him "Forget it not like you care about anybody anyways.." Now I do regret sending that. I know it was wrong. And he sen me "Why are you so mad all I did was answer an you act like I shot your whole family" And he said some other stuff about me being dead to him and crap. So, I KNOW this was wrong, and it's part of the many reasons my life sucks, I sent him "Fine. Because you're just as dead to me. You've pretty much been a faggot to me wet since we met. And no I didn't overthink it because I'm a homeschooler, (Note: because he had been accusing me of overthinking the whole joke because how I was raised.) I overthought it because I'm a girl." Then I told him he was a douche bag and he could have a nice life. On top of that situation, I feel ugly and fat and basically alone. Please keep me in your prayers as I'm keeping many of you in my prayers. Thanks for taking the time. | |
You come on these sites just to project your pitifulness onto others? You have no idea how weak and pathetic you sound when you do this. You sound so scared, stupid, worthless. Whatever you are trying to impress, know it's the opposite. Just coming on to these sites to talk shit is just suck a weak bitch move -- and you know it. You know you suck for doing this so just stop. Be good. Make your loved ones proud. Sad, sad, saaad.
That's all.
I'll cut to the chase. The secret to happiness: What you focus on is your reality.
Try this -- Focus on being grateful -- and I don't mean this like a lecturing parent. I say this as a PROVEN THERAPY STRATEGY for souls in pain.
When you feel gratitude, you can't feel anything bad -- it's one of the most pure, happy emotions humans have.
Try this. This sounds really silly, but it WORKS!
Go on you tube and look up Refugee Camps. Watch those videos. In a blink, your troubles are put into perspective.
Then take a moment and just be grateful for everything you have that those pour souls do not. If you focus only on gratitude, watch what happens!
Being grateful is a choice.
No matter what is happening, you can find something to be grateful about. That is the TRUE POWER you have. That is the SECRET TO HAPPINESS.
Try this. Get yourself super grateful, let that feeling take you over -- then go be with people. See what happens. Try this with strangers. See what happens.
Remember, people are like mirrors, they REFLECT what you are projecting. So if you hate yourself, they will pick up that vibe and bounce it back at you. If you project gratitude, that pure beautiful universal emotion will bounce back at you!
Always remember for anything in life -- spend 20% of your energy on the problem, and 80% of your energy on the solution. Stick to this and watch what happens to your life.
Always ask yourself -- "What is my next action?" Your brain will search for a solution.
Your brain's job is to answer your questions. So if you ask your brain a rhetorical question like "Why me?!" The only answer will be "You are worthless, you are cursed!" -- because that was the answer you were looking for -- yes?
WHAT YOU FOCUS ON IS YOUR REALITY. Your brain has no idea what is real or imagined. So if you get hurt once but think about it 1,000 times, your brain suffers it 1,000 times.
I'll prove it to you. Think of the juiciest LEMON you've ever seen. You slice the lemon. It oozes juice. You take the lemon slice and you BITE into it.
What happened? Did you salivate? Because you IMAGINED a lemon in your brain, your BODY REACTED as if it were real. So there is your proof that what you imagine is real.
So thinking about this? If you imagine something horrible happening to you, wouldn't your body think it's real? If you relived a painful situation, wouldn't your body think it's happening again?
Now... if you relive a WONDERFUL MEMORY, wouldn't your mind think you're having another beautiful moment?
So now that you know this, and you still find yourself dwelling on the bad emotions -- it's evidence that you are conditioned to suffering -- because now you have a choice.
This means you have to do some soul searching.
It's time to investigate, face your issues, whatever they maybe. Focusing on wanting friendships, relationships, problems, etc.. is your unconscious need for a distraction from dealing with your repressed pain. People you are with feel the vibe, it's like a radio signal that you can't hide.
It's likely deep seeded self-esteem issues (we all have them).
Be honest with yourself. Read books, or articles online, if seeking therapy is too scary. Self help books on self-esteem.
Focus on the solution, don't dwell on the problem. Burning your energy on the problem will only lead to addiction to depression.
Deal with yourself first, and your true energy will attract the life, the people, the relationship, the things, the love you deserve.
Again, the SECRET TO LIFE: WHAT YOU FOCUS ON IS YOUR REALITY!!
Just. Go. Away. You. Weak. Asses. Sad.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ROFL
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