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I Cant Take It.

Posted by Horrible. at May 5, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Juvenile problems  2012 May

OK. Well to start off, I'm young ( not going to say my age sorry) and I though my life was good until a year ago. That is when I started to have sucidal thoughts. I spoke to a few people, and I convinced myself it was just a phase. Well just a few months the sucidal thoughts came, again. I simply just brushed it off, thinking it was just another phase, but then I realized I was getting more and more depressed. I went to get help, but that didn't help, so I decided to bottle up my emotions. Time passed, and I was getting a little better with the help of friends and family. Then this guy I REALLY liked, hurt me so much I started to self-harm myself. By that time I only had 2 good friends who I told what I did. They didn't like it. But not even a week later he hurts me again, and even one of my good friend, who I shall call Brenda. The two of them ( Brenda and the guy I shall call Ryan) were friends WAY before I met them. Mind you we were all best friends until Ryan hurt us both. We then decided not to speak to him, until he says sorry. We have been waiting for 2 months for him to say sorry to us, we have already given up. Knowing that he won't. Just recently, I had a fight with Brenda, and were not speaking. My parents aren't speaking to me either, and my other good friend is dead, from cancer. It seems like everyone is out to hurt me, weather they know it or not. Right now I have no one, and I am getting more and more depressed each day. I have an empty void, which is ?only becoming more bigger. People I see, I put on a facade for them, fake laughs, fake smiles, fake.... everything. I don't know how much I can take this. I don't know how much I can take people prentending to care when they don't. It hurts, it still does. But what do I do? Bottle my emotions up, and fake everything else. Right now I'm on the breaking point. I just dont care about my life anymore, I'm sick of it. I have finally given up. Goodbye.

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Comments:
By anonymous at 05,May,12 15:29

it sounds tough, im sorry your in this situation i kno sorta what you going through. Im 14 and ever since my dad died and my step dad came into the picture everyything went wrong. So bad that my older sister commited suicide. later my mother couldnt handle it anymore and she killed herself to. Now i am having suicidal thoughts all the time and what makes it all worse i that i am stuck with just me and my stepdad untill im 18. God help me.
By anonymous at 06,May,12 02:14

Omg I am so sorry for your situation. I don't have words to express my concern. I don't understand why God would do this to us. Please take care of yourself. Look around yourself. Try to look at all the positive things happening around. I have been depressed for a very long time now but I have found peace somehow through gardening, bird watching and helping people in need of help. I go to this church nearby where they help people. People come with their problems some have broken limbs some have no homes others are neglected by their loved ones. But they want to live help others. I started writing about them in a diary I would write about what lesson I learnt from them. Who held me with love in response to my good deed. Even while gardening I learnt from the insect the birds around. Try doing that. Just remember you are not alone we are all with you all the time.


By anonymous at 05,May,12 15:45

Get stoned.


By anonymous at 05,May,12 17:57

I am sorry for what you're going through. It just doesn't seem fair of what people are doing to you. But- maybe you can change it. Start fresh, try to find something you like or that you're good at, and go with it. Let's say (for example) you like drawing, well draw until your hand falls off. It can maybe help release any of the sadness or sorrow. Maybe try starting to talk to other friends/ quaintness's, and you may click with them. However, try to stay off Facebook b/c those sights always make ME feel bad when I see all the popular girls with their prettier hair than mine and boyfriends. Also, I probably sound like a total jerk saying all this like it's easy- peasy, but of course it won't be that easy. You sound like a good person that's in a long term pickle and can't get out. But remember, you can't change/ shape the past, but you can shape your future by what you do now. I hope so-oo much that this helps. Please don't commit suicide, just try some of these things and maybe they will help.


By anonymous at 06,May,12 11:43

Sell pencils, do something.


By Willy at 06,May,12 14:26

Shut up kid and stop being a whiney emotard. You're not in ethiopia to feel bad about everything around you so knock it off and do your math homeworks instead. If i were your parents, i'd not let your emo punk ass eat for the whole day so you realize how lucky you are with what you have and others don't. What the fuck are you complaining about in the first place? The guy of your daydreams who completely aired you spoiled cunt?! You need some really hard spanking it sounds like. And ima do it for ye. I wanna fucken beat the shit out of you so fucken bad you'll straighten the fuck up and swear not to go emocidal again. You hear that, you stupid piece of shit?
By anonymous at 29,May,12 19:18

calm yourself... this site is supposed to maybe help ppl share their feelings about their sadness and open up and u just killed it. I mean SERIOUSLY! tht dumb little comment of urs isnt going to help her or u or any1! So shut up, and geta life. and dont u ever think about talking to some1 just looking for some help like tht again. And one other thing: if you want to make a point, insulting, swearing and sounding like a rapist isnt going to help it. Just a little piece of advice to stick in ur swelling head.


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