LIFE SUCKS

20 years of regrets

I married the man of my dreams and embarked on a life I thought was the answer to my childhood dreams. Little did I know.... First, I gave up my career to relocate once we married and never found a job in my field again. Then there were 6 painful years of infertility. We finally adopted 2 boys and I thought life was better only to discover the hidden truths of adoption. My boys lied to me constantly, stole from us and got themselves into all kinds of trouble at home and school that we learned later was because they have fetal alcohol syndrome. We weren't told at the time of placement and I argued for years about them having problems while their father worked more and more hours to avoid the entire situation and not have to face the truth of the situation while I gained weight and sank into a depression so deep I thought there was no end...Found myself pregnant at age 38 and again at age 40 giving birth to two healthy and beautiful little girls that were the answer to my prayers. Oldest son got a disability ruling and moved to a group home only to reconnect with his birth mother and throw us away....as in he never wants to see us again. Second son continued to spiral out of control. Learned a few months ago he was sexually assaulting his sisters. Turned him in myself and he is now a registered sex offender under the authority of the juvenile department of corrections in our state for criminal sexual misconduct in the second degree. Both boys out of the house, husband still a workaholic and I am a stay at home mom. You'd think I'd be happy....but I'm not. I never go anywhere, all my friends work and have successful, adult children and we've grown apart. Most of all I resent that at age 45, I have no life. This was never my dream.