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Why me??

Posted by anonymous at May 11, 2012
Tags: Juvenile problems  2012 May  Relationship

I'm a seventeen girl living in hell. It all started after I was sexually assulted by my guy "best friend" last year on April 1st. My aspects on guys changed. I known him for years and trusted him. The only peron who stpped me from killing myself a year before that because I was so sick of life. I would constantly get picked on in school and get called "spook" which meant ugly and a dicksucking hoe. None of this was true. I messed with nobody in my school because I knew if i did, it would be everywhere. Boys would come my way with the sweet talk to try and get in my panties but i wasnt stupid. when thy didnt get what they want, they would make up false rumors about me. The rumors got so bad that it got to my parents, which made them question was i sexually active. I wasn't. I was still a virgin. I wanted to kill myself because i saw no reason for me to live if i did was get critized, and bullied. Girls would threaten to beat me up through faebook, and in person. I did nothing to anybody. I never got why the school hated me so much. I felt alone. After i was sexually assulted, i lost my mind. i had no one. my guy best friend bragged about how he hit that, which techinally he didnt because it was sodmny... he would tell me how much he hated me and how i had no reason to live. i was believing these words because i had noone. I started to give myself up to the world, including two other boys, which one have me an STD, Chylmia a month ago. I got treated for it but he didnt. he still running out having unprotected sex. I was hurt in a way and felt used, even though i was. Recently, i had been talking to a nice guy who is extremely attractive, 19, in the navy, nice car, and got money. It wasnt eally in my aspects to go after a guy like this but he was just so cute. i had known him for a year he was in bootcamp. he promised he'd be there for me when he get back. for once, i felt happy. i felt brand new. when he came back we end up having sex. afterwords, i felt myself falling hea over heels for this guy.Us being together would be all would think about. My feelings were shot down when i would constantly see other gurls talk to him on his facebook. I would get so upset. Recently, I discovered something scary about myself. I had got a UTI Urinary Bladder Infection followed by a disease. I believe it is herpes....My world fell apart. I got so depressed i didnt eat, which caused me to blackout in the middle of the store infrnt of everyone. i was immmediately rushed to the hospital for care. I had syncose aka "fainting spells". I was homesick for days, missing school was bad. I was in too much pain to even walk and i still am..I was sooo scared to address this issue to te boy but i know i had to for us. I told him that it was a chance he couldve gave me something and he totally denied it. Now he is going to take me up to the doctor monday morning because he is scared as much as i am even though he isnt suffering with the pain i'm in. Painful blisters,bad smel that will not go away, Crying when i have to pee beause it BURNS SO BAD, painful stomach aches, bad itching. He was only the 2nd boy i messed with. Why me? Im always the one on the end of the stick just by One choice that i decided to make. I feel as if i want to end my life now. Im sick of seeing happiness in my face when no one around me knows the pain that rush between my legs when I walk, or the cuts on my wrists, or see the dried up tears on my face. No one knows what i go through No one gives a shit about me and it hurts to know it but i know i'm in it on my own with a broken heart.


New Comment

By anonymous at 11,May,12 07:36

He did you up the pooper and you don't think he is entitled to say 'that he hit it' ?
By anonymous at 11,May,12 09:18

h claimed he took my virginity when he didnt..

By anonymous at 11,May,12 07:43

i know how you feel when everyone is laughing you just wanna kill them i think i on't really get bullied that much but still that feeling sucks even the girl i love is laughing
By anonymous at 11,May,12 09:19

it really do uck and it just drives me crazy . i just feel like an oddball out of this world

By at 11,May,12 13:27

Good day slag, At least you havent got the midget diesease!! Take your jamrag ass to the casuallty at the hospital and get that taken care of before you infect your whole area. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
By anonymous at 12,May,12 12:19

I'm not going to let ignorent people like you get to me honestly.

By Cursed at 11,May,12 15:55

My dear girl-
I am so sorry but getting an STD is not the end of the world. Ok, so from reading your post, the bad news is yes, I think that you are describing the symptoms of herpes. It's ok. You are not going to die. There is no cure for herpes, but it can be controlled. I have herpes. Got it from someone- orally, and then like a numb fuck, infect myself down below. I won't go into details as to how... In anycase, it is devastating emotionally, and sweetie, I can relate. However, there is anti-viral medication that you can take that will curb the symptoms. The painful blisters are a bitch- try not to screw with them. They will burst and oozzz, but eventually they dry up and go away. The itching is the worst for me. Christ, I feel like my ass is on fire when I have a break out. But listen, crying about it now, won't get you anywhere. Go to the doc. They will put you on some medication. Get some ointment too for the itching. And make sure the current boy gets blood tested- a blood test is the only sure fire way of knowing that you have an STD. From here on out you are going to have to be careful with your sexual encounters. Make sure you use protection during intercourse with new partners or you may infect them. DO NOT have sex during a flare up. You probably wouldn't want to anyway. The UTI is something that can be fixed with medication too- an antibiotic. Allow yourself plenty of sleep. The more you stress, your body senses it and makes the herpes worse. Stay away from coffee, alcohol, and cigs. They only make the outbreaks worse.
Hopefully this helps? It sucks, I know, but you just have to deal with it and move forward. Someday, maybe they'll come up with a cure. Most people don't even know they have herpes- and MOST PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. It's embarrassing and you're immediately "black listed" like the plague. You have a friend honey- if you need anymore info, just ask.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 12:28

Thank you dearly (: your advice has really helped me
By justme at 13,May,12 09:15 Fold Up

You ROCK! Not only you are brave enough to talk about herpes in the first person, you are also kind enough to give her wise advice. The world would be a much better place if we had more people like you around.

You are only 17 and have your life ahead of you. Do not let bad things from your past haunt you and define who you become. Treat the medical problems, then raise your head up high, and be happy. All the luck.
By anonymous at 13,May,12 12:17

yeah i wish more people were like that instead of just being all hateful and ignorent,
and thank you, i will try not to let it interfere with my dreams

By anonymous at 11,May,12 20:21

Get help, talk to a female school counselor. Get yourself help. Sounds like you're a good person. But the wackos around you, have done a job. You are good, just need guidance. Good luck.

By anonymous at 11,May,12 21:02

life's a bitch, i know. I won't pretend that i have it as bad as you, but there is lots of people who go through shit like this too
By anonymous at 12,May,12 12:20

you're right

By FML at 11,May,12 22:00

For UTI:

-Eat plenty of foods high in anti-oxidants such as blueberries, grapes and cranberries.
-Drink at least 2 litres of filtered water daily to encourage frequent urination and flushing of the urinary tract
-Avoid foods which can aggravate urinary tract infections such as alcohol, coffee, soft drinks, citrus foods, tomatoes, vinegar, yeasts, sugar and artificial sweeteners.

-Relief from the pain and burning sensation for females can be found by wearing a sanitary pad which has sugar free yoghurt applied to it.

Hope that helps? And one more thing, try focusing on YOURSELF more. You do what you love, and fuck the rest. I give a shit. If it means anything at all. Good luck. :)
By Cursed at 12,May,12 10:43

Nice post!
By anonymous at 12,May,12 12:29 Fold Up

thank you (: it's really helping and I have because I am all I yourself up to feel loved just isn't worth it

By anonymous at 11,May,12 22:38

no offence but its your own fault you had sex, ur supposed to wait till u get married
By anonymous at 11,May,12 22:55

Seriously? Do you live somewhere in the mideast? Women there are very conservative. Ya know like pussy is something so sacred and try messing up with their young girls and yoU R screwed. No wonder Homosexuals are in abundance nowadays.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 02:32 Fold Up

What the fuck man. She was sexually assaulted dumbfuck. Fuck that wait till your married bullshit. You religios can be so funny.
By broken hearted girl at 12,May,12 12:24 Fold Up

you right. I wanted it to be for that special person and wait til marriage but when something special like that is tooken away rom you, your whole world change and become someone different. You live in fear of it happening again and hurt from the scars they left behind that will not go away

By anonymous at 12,May,12 00:52

Damn seriously? Your life is a lot worse than mine. Fuck man, I was about to kill myself but your shitty life motivated me to live another day. DAMN bitch, go kill yourself you whore slut. Slit ur fucking wrist!
By anonymous at 12,May,12 02:35

Hey man leave her alone if your life sucks worse then her's you should go kill yourself. PRICK.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 12:27 Fold Up

:) after all I've been through, I learned not to let ignorent, heartless people get to me. It's no point of letting what people say to me get to me cause the damage has already been said and the words have already been spoken.

By anonymous at 12,May,12 04:42

ok well being picked on is hard, and people doing that to you does suck...and the guy assaulting you is sick...and you did have your parents to support you and now you do have a nice really...youre not that bad off..some people have no one, and you don't have no one...though you said you do...some people really have no one at all so that's an insult to have a guy and you're still really young...and havign unprotected sex was your own fault...some people have been through tons of shit in their life and don't go around having sex to combat it...either way you have someone....
By Cursed at 12,May,12 10:05

Well said.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 12:34 Fold Up

you're right, I may have people but that don't mean they care about me. The boy, he not there for me. He just going to get me checked then he gone just like that. Yeah I may have it better off than some people, but I stil go through shit. That's only part of my life story,

By anonymous at 12,May,12 10:41

I'm a 16 year old guy, so I haven't had much experience in life. At this point I can tell that I'm going to be a virgin for a long, long time. I'm such a pussy and I don't think a straight girl will want to marry another woman in a man's body.

I have no talents and my grades are falling as well as my relationships with everyone.

My mom gets more bitchy as time goes on and she expects me to be able to complete 2 months worth of school work to fix my bad grades from the last quarter, in one day. On top of that I'm somehow supposed to get my driving permit and do community service so I can graduate.
By Cursed at 12,May,12 10:45

You right well= there's a talent.
By Cursed at 12,May,12 11:05

Better than me- write. Opps.

By anonymous at 12,May,12 19:53

John 3:16 For God so LOVED the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Jesus loves you

By anonymous at 13,May,12 22:43

Jesus was invented by the catholic church to convince pagans to convert.

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