I used to rather successful and happy and active but I have developed a chronic neuropathpic pain syndrome about 16 months ago. Doctors have run every test on me and they don't know how what is causing it or how to cure it. Sometimes it feels like im being bitten by insects all over my body, sometimes it feels like im being stabbed by needles all over my body, sometimes it feels like hot cinders are landing on me and burning me, sometimes it feels like someone is cutting my skin with a razor, sometimes it feels like electric jolts. It wakes me up in the middle night, it's all I can focus on during the day. It's incredibly painful and exhausting hand has worn me out. Im in constant pain unless I take my medicine. The medicine stops the pain for the most part, but there are side efffects. It makes me feel depressed and suicidal. All I want to day all day is lay in bed and sleep. I don't feel like myself anymore on this medicine. I feel sedated, apathetic about everything and have lost all motivivation. I got laid off about 2 months before this pain sydrome started so I dont have a job, I exist on a very small unemployment income which is running out. I've looked for a job but cant find one. Most the time I dont even try to look anymore. It feels pointless and I feel so sedated on this medication I honestly dont think I could work anyway 40 hours a week. I've completely isolated myself from people because I dont have anything good to say about my life and Im tired of complaining about how difficult my life feels. So I dont see anyone and I dont talk to anyone. I;ve given up thinking about ever being in another relationship. Who could love me or want me? I dpn't even want to be in a relationship again anyway so I guess that's ok. Everytime I have ever loved someone they have lied to me, betrayed me, abused me, abandoned me and broke me heart. So I will live out the rest of this bleak life alone, in pain, in numbness, in comlete dissapointment that this is the way my life has turned out. Or maybe I will just not live out my days. I mean how much pain and dissapoint can one person be expected to bear day after day? I think suicide is forgivable and humane in this case. It's like putting a sad, sick dog out of it's misery | |
But going beyond your physical symptoms, it seems that you have had very bad experience(s) in the past, relationship-wise. I'm guessing that this was before you developed the syndrome, and it made you give up on love. Then you probably focused all your attention on work, since you start by describing yourself as successful. Finally you got laid off 2 months before the pain syndrome started. Could it be that things are related?
I would say not to give up. Don't isolate yourself from people. Don't stop looking for job. If you think the medication has side effects, maybe you can talk to the doctor to change it? There might be alternatives, don't give up until you have exhausted all of them. And even then, keep fighting. Because I bet a lot of people could love and want an active and happy person, and that is who you are.
Give us a name, an address, and a phone number so we can send you stuff. You know, like flowers, chocolate, a mail-bomb, cyanide, dead skunk. That sort of stuff. xoxox
Cursed
Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we could be saved.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28
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