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Falling apart.

Posted by Aris at May 13, 2012
Tags: Anxiety  2012 May

Been raped, abused, assaulted physically as a child and more and more as I was growing up. I am fragmented in so many pieces, I don't know what to do with myself. I can't go down the street of my house without getting flashbacks. I don't get sleep, because my nightmares jolt me up. I've attempted more than my share been brought back to life once. I been to mental institutions where they should have had a law suit, the way I was treated.

I am not asking for a pity party. I just want the shit to stop. I want all the panic attacks, anxious, hyper-vigilance, "every time I hear a fucking fire-engine I go bat shit crazy" to stop.

I want the constant switching of these other people to stop happening. It's affecting my job. It's affecting my relationships not only with my boyfriend. I can't even believe I have one. It's affecting my relationships with my friends. I could say I am more stable now than I was five years ago, but frankly I'm a just barely keeping myself together by a hair.

And then of course there is the pain and other illnesses to deal with and I'm just sick of it. I feel I'm a leach, and I self injure. And for all you internet guys who go online and get your rocks off on reading this stuff, and making fun, go stick your baccullum or clitorum in a bear trap.


Similar Entries:
my life is falling apart January 1, 2011
untitled story May 5, 2011
Life... July 5, 2011
my life is falling apart quickly April 2, 2010
When it just keeps getting darker April 30, 2011

New Comment

By anonymous at 13,May,12 11:26

You need help. Go to a therapist immediately. It is not a lost cause.
By anonymous at 08,Jun,13 19:36

Me & my boyfriend was planning to get married last month, just last week we had some argument that made him get angry on me just because of the argument, he said we will not be married again and the next day he left me and we broke up. I still loved him and I wanted him to marry me, for me to get him back i had no choice than to contacted dr.marnish@yahoo com, to help me and he helped me to bring my lover back to me so we can continue our plan to be married. he came back after 3 days
Shelley Dustin

By Cursed at 13,May,12 13:14

Dear Aris-
Like the poster above- I'd recommend therapy. All the repressed feelings you have are just going to keep surfacing. Especially when it comes to abuse. So please, go find a psychiatrist that you like and get better. Thanks for sharing-

By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:04

1Peter 2:24 Who (Jesus) his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

John 3:16 For God so LOVED the world, that he gave his only begotten Son (Jesus), that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

1Corinthians 15:3-4
3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ DIED for our sins according to the scriptures;
4 And that he was BURIED , and that he ROSE again the third day according to the scriptures:


Mark 1:15 The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: REPENT ye, and BELIEVE the gospel.

By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:40

shut up slut....

By Your uncle at 13,May,12 21:16

Yawn.. Stop acting like you didn't like the sexUal abUse you stUpid uncle fucking bitch! You told me once you liked my giant cock banging yoUr stinky axe wound so shut the fuck up and go slit your wrists!
By Cursed at 13,May,12 21:32

My Uncle forced himself on me. Shut the fuck up. You really are such a looooooooooossssssssssssseeeeerrr.

By Cursed at 13,May,12 21:31

baccullum or clitorum? Which is going to be little man? Cause I can smell you- all the way from across space. I am going to send my little alien friends over to your house. They are going to abduct you. But it will be painful. First they are going be continued... Wow, hey we're really bored with your pitiful attempt to be mean. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

By anonymous at 14,May,12 16:27

Things will not get better. Sounds like you ended up here as a last resort, trying to get help from people who don't know you or how deep your pain goes. When this forum doesn't work, then what? Self-help book? Councelor? Therapist? There will be a time when you realize it is time to give up. Maybe not today. Usually takes years to lose all hope. But it happens. I'm there now.
By Cursed at 14,May,12 19:27

It can't be that bad buddy.

By Tambrey at 27,Dec,16 19:16

Hi Sarah I enjoyed reading that and it has helped me with my Sons aplapcition form for the merchant navy but he needs to write a 250 word statement about why he wants to go and why he would be suitable so it will be a long text, do you have any ideas should we use bulet points or essay style and do you think he should be honest and say he has always wanted to be an engineer and go to sea but also its good money to travel the world. Ian

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