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Complete failure

Posted by Barbara at May 13, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Failure  2012 May

I can't believe that there are so many people out there who feel like I do. I have never googled anything about hating life before and when I did I found all of this, which in some strange way has been of comfort. I really do hate myself and feel a total waste of space on this earth. I have eyed off the rafter in my shed and the rope and in some weird way feel comforted that it's there when things get too much. Today it feels too much but I am so tired that I can't be bothered going outside. I don't know whether that is a cop out or not, but that's how it is. I only ever try to help people or do someone a good turn yet I seem to get abused all of the time. My pot is empty and I have nothing to give anymore, so no point being here really. I have a couple of pets and they are both 15 years old, so as soon as they have gone, I am out of here. I am have held a management job and worked in Govt for nearly 40 years, was sexually assaulted by my boss over a long period of time, felt dirty and worthless. I have no family and my mother died 2 years ago, so hung around for her. I spent my whole life caring for my parents, being criticised by my siblins who have all cut me out of their lives due to me protecting assests after our father died. I had to do that as Executor and I had the responsibility to realise my mother's assests. Not according to them. I no longer work due to having a heart attack about 4 years ago, which was due to my high pressure job and no support to do a 4FTE position, then I became depressed and had a breakdown I guess. I couldn't work again, so here I sit in total misery, not knowing where to from here. I spend my life in bed hoping that I don't wake up.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
untitled story July 14, 2011
failure November 8, 2011
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Total Failure March 2, 2012



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Comments:
By Talk at 13,May,12 11:17

You sound like a good person to me. Just to the end of your rope. Go to a therapist, talk it out. Things are not over, do it for yourself. Good luck.


By Steveo at 13,May,12 11:45

your therapist should be a bottle of valium and a fifth of gin


By Cursed at 13,May,12 13:46

Dear Barbara-
You've got depression my dear. Therapy for sure. Have you considered taking an anti-depressant? If you can't get out of bed, that's definitely a red flag. Go to the doc. Get some blood work done, and get on some meds. They really do help (for most people) and you don't have to take them forever. A combo of therapy and meds, you can overcome this! Being the executor of a will is a thankless chore. Nevermind your siblings, they're just bitter that they weren't chosen for the job- like it's all that wonderful huh? Anyhow, with the past abuse and feelings of suicide, you are in need of some help. But it isn't going to fall into your lap honey- You gotta pull yourself together just enough to get the ball rolling. Once you start seeing someone- you'll feel a hell of alot better-
Good luck-
Keep us posted...
Cursed


By anonymous at 13,May,12 13:58

1Peter 2:24 Who (Jesus) his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

John 3:16 For God so LOVED the world, that he gave his only begotten Son (Jesus), that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

1Corinthians 15:3-4
3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ DIED for our sins according to the scriptures;
4 And that he was BURIED , and that he ROSE again the third day according to the scriptures:

JESUS LOVES YOU

Mark 1:15 The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: REPENT ye, and BELIEVE the gospel.
By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:00

To hell with Jesus, jesus was a fucking faggot pussy

HAIL SATAN HAIL SATAN I BRING HELL UPON THEE


Et incurventur ante te Satan malediceres inimicis vestris pater occidit omnes portant super dolorem.

Tenebrosa potentiae nocte
Congregati lucernam meam scriptor flamma
mittere hostium in umbrosa fuga
dimisisti inimicum meum misere dolor


I have just cursed you
By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:22

YOU DONT HAVE ANY POWER YOU DELUSIONAL LOSER
By Cursed at 13,May,12 17:36 Fold Up

@ SATAN WORSHIPER-
I met Jesus the other day- he asked about you. I said, well, I just don't know, between all the Satan hailing and latin classes, you just didn't have time to repent your sins. In anycase, Jesus told me not to worry about you, because when you do end up in hell, he's going to be too busy re-arranging his sock drawer. PPssst- I don't think you're on the right team...


By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:02

Kill yourself. Therapy never actually helps, meds are bullshit to. Depression can't be overcome. Think about it what are you living for? What? Nothing. Your life sucks. It would be so much better if you pulled the trigger, wouldn't it? Just do it honey, you know it's the only realistic choice
By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:22

BORING, PREDICTABLE, YAWNNNNNN
By at 13,May,12 18:33 Fold Up

y are you saying kill yourself that`s stupid!!!
By m at 13,May,12 20:56 Fold Up

Shut the fuck up you ignorant bastard. Who are you to tell her what to do? What if she killed herself? It would be a Stain upon yoUr soUl!
By sk48 at 13,May,12 23:30

If that is true then why have you not followed your own advice?


By Missy at 13,May,12 18:29

I was thoght that after my husband devorced and left with 4 children. I kept that I failed somehow but My oldest daughter tols that I was no failure she told she was glad the I was the who goin gto tcare ofr her along with her little sisters and little brother. That there is what got me thinking that I can do this and I id set goal and reached. If set goal and beleive you can reach i then that what you should as for not know wheter a person a cop or ask to see badge and som e police offers I.D.
By anonymous at 13,May,12 23:32

ummm I'm sorry but WHAT?


By anonymous at 13,May,12 18:29

Life suck I know what you mean. when ever I try to help every one says no I don`t need your help. then I think I`m useless. man it`s good to let it out.


By at 13,May,12 18:36

don`t pull the trigger talk to some one


By anonymous at 14,May,12 16:24

End it. It won't get better no matter what you read here. Words don't help after a while, and councelors just want your money and string you along. You'd need help for years anyway. Sometimes life just sucks for some people. Bad luck every day. Try your hardest for a month or two. If nothing gets better, even your best isn't good enough.


By anonymous at 25,Aug,12 21:57

You don't need to invent a Satan as the cause of all your issues. People are bad enought...
By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 19:56

Yes you're right. People are bad enough. And there's alot of evil on this website alone and there's alot of evil or cruelty in nature. The question and mystery is who or what is behind it? The world is a horror movie. There's alot to worry about.


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