I have crazy thoughts everyday ,Im in a really dark place most of the time.. wondering what would happen if i did certain things or i'm always picturing in my head some of the crazy things i would do. I am depressed and i have bi-polar disorder. Having a domestic violent relationship, ive been physically and emotionally abused, I was kicked out my own home at the age of 15, having an abortion which no one knows about i had to go through it alone at 16, I have all these secrets that nobody knows about. My mum has depression and i have had to put up with it for many years I dont have a dad, I have no family apart from my mum and sister, my mum has overdosed on tablets to try to kill herself, I have self harmed myself so many times and i cry myself to sleep most nights thinking what a crap life i have, never had a single damn penny growing up! i know i should be so grateful for my life after everything my mum has struggled to bring me and my sister up alone, but i feel so worthless and so unhappy, I literally have no friends, or nobody to talk to, I don't go out and enjoy myself or have fun like any other 18 year old teenager!. I have a job which i work only once or twice a week, there is nothing out there for me I keep looking and searching for a full time job,
I just dont even know what to do with myself!! I think should i just get pregnant and stay at home, become a full time mum? Love and cherish my kids give them a good upbringing like i never had?! Atleast then I have something to live for right?
every morning i wake up and i wonder what to do with my life, there's nobody there for me, to talk to, to hug or laugh with, I just want to be loved:'(
I look at other people and i envy them so much, and i think to myself I wish i had what they had.I Feel so ugly and disgusted with myself! I have paranoia and constantly think that people are staring at me and even judging me.
I binge eat all the time, actually some days i dont even eat, then other days i eat so much my stomach hurts, i have an eating disorder and its becoming worse.
Nobody can ever love me, because at the end of the day I hate myself | |
Don't you worry, there's love out there for you, you just have to be patient! But seriously, whatever you do, don't have babies right now. You think life is tough now, wait till you have kids! Children are DEMANDING, EXPENSIVE, NEEDY, and TIME CONSUMING. Yes, they are wonderful, but you are not ready! HELL NO! No flipping way! You're not in a very good "head-space". The last thing you need is to start bringing babes into this world! NOT when you don't have your "shit" together. Where are you living? Do you still live at home? You've got a part-time job, so that's good. Try to find more work to keep you busy- and to make money. Get another part-time job if you have to! DO NOT DEPEND on a man to either pay your way or make you happy!!!! This is life sweetheart. You've got to claw, struggle, fight, and hold on to what you want! Cause there isn't anyone else out there that can do it for you-
Find some help with the eating disorder. It's really important that you stop the binge-ing. The acid from your stomach is going to eventually eat a hole right through your throat- then you'll have even more problems!
Find help. Be a STRONG WOMAN- not a whiny, helpless, one that MEN hate-
xoxox I know you can do it!
Cursed
You still have a chance to be happy....i'm counting side... go on.
Cumps :)
Your mom has depression? Well baby I anally raped the depression outta her last night. I hope she get's alzheimers and suffers in pure pain and agony for the rest of her fucking shitty life.
You self harm? Well try to find that green vein, and fucking slice at it multiple times, you'll a die a shitty death from blood loss.
Oh, you wanna get pregnant again, fuck me of course you would you stupid slut, you wanna love and cherish your kids. Well I feel sorry for those kids, having such a shitty slut mom. Fuck, you stupid whore don't even get pregnant, if you do I'd kick you in the fucking stomach, a baby shouldn't have to go though pain like this.
You binge eat? Awe you fat pig, sluts like you eat food 24/7 while there's a little kid in africa who's begging god for one fucking bite. Fuck you, just fuck you you stupid piece of shit. Jump off a fucking bridge
If people stare, it's probably because you are beautiful and they see your strength. Let your life be filled with love and peace. You are young and have gone through things that no person should suffer through but you will survive.
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