As a kid, I was told to shut up so many times, I just quit talking except to say "please pass the gravy". My mother made it very clear from the start she didn't want me around, so I made friends with birds and squirrels climbing trees. Then I got a rare blood disease forcing me to be with her not only for doctor appointments, but also hospitals for all kinds of tests. I missed all of the second grade, and never caught up, so school was hard for me. She continued to belittle me and call me names the whole time I was growing up. When I got appendicitis at age 16, she didn't believe it, and neither did my stepfather. It took almost an hour of pleading, and finally, the surgeon said right before I went under, that I only had 20 more minutes before it would have ruptured. I left "home" when I turned 18, married a man a year later. He was older, and it didn't work out. He cheated on me after 6 months. I do have two good kids-they're grown now. 4 years ago, I was driving my van, and blacked-out behind the wheel. Never happened. Killed my van. At the hospital, the mri showed a BRAIN LESION-an entanglement of blood vessels which was the cause. I've been on meds-which really don't work, because I still have seizures. I go into trance-like walks and you can call my name but I don't reply. Now it's getting worse, because 2 wks. ago I passed out on the sidewalk, and someone called 911. I was put on a stretcher and shoved into their vehicle and taken to another hospital. I knew that if I gave my info they'd hit me w/a big bill, so I walked out. I really was lucky that when I fell on the cement, I didn't break my teeth. Now I'm wearing a medic-alert bracelet. So I'm trapped in a place I despise, sharing a crappy apt. w/a liar/lazy guy, can't work, on disability that barely pays anything, afraid to go out, no doctor because of the shitty medical system here, my freedom's gone, I'm really alone, and I'm so good at beating myself up because of the witch that was supposed to nurture me...ending it might be better PS I've left out a lot of other stuff like people ripping me off, etc.