LIFE SUCKS

Lonely and Betrayed

Coming up my family and I never shared a great emotional connection. My father was and still is an alcoholic who loved to always show that he was the alpha male. My 2 brothers, my sister, and I did whatever we could to stay out of the house. As a result we never developed a personal relationship as siblings. I'm 21 years old presently and even now I can't talk to my siblings on a personal basis. I have numerous friends but I can't even talk to them about things. Black males don't tend to go in-debt about their emotional issues with their boys, its considered too soft. I'm a good looking guy and had numerous girlfriends in high school. My sophomore year in college I began a new relationship with a girl I met through my sister. We dated for a year and a half before I got her pregnant. I remember her calling me crying saying " what are we going to do" and I comforted her. After all the tears I put the ball in her court. I told her she could keep the child or get rid of the child and that I would support her either way. Around this same time she was about to travel several states away for an entire year to stay with her grandparents several due to family issues. She ended up convincing me that she wanted to have the child. She started attaching personal attachment to the baby. She picked out names, referred to the child as a child and not "it," etc. I even told my family I was expecting to have a son. Long distance tested our relationship and we argued a lot. 6 and a half months into the pregnancy I received a completely out of nowhere call from her saying that she illegally aborted the child. She was crying and gave me all these bullshit reasons of why she was suddenly not ready to have a child. To add injury to insult, we shared phone plan together but it was under my name. I checked the call log for her phone and found a number that she had been talking to at late hours of the night for 2 to 3 hour periods. I called the number and a guy picked up. I ended up asking him what his relationship was with my girl and he told me that they were seeing each other. So here am now. Betrayed by a women for another guy, I've lost my son, and I have no one I can talk to about who will truly listen and care. And the worst part is, I have at least 5 more stories of my life that are worse than this );