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Posted by anonymous at May 19, 2012
Tags: 2012 May  Meaninglessness

I am 28. I live with my parents. I have a decent job, but it's also a dead end. I have no savings. The money I do earn goes to paying down debts. I have had no visitors to my home for more than five years. I have no friends. I am not yet 30, and I am a shut-in.

I am smart and capable and I have no interest in accomplishing anything in my life. There is no one left to impress, there is only the lingering dread of knowing that I will wake up and continue to disappoint those around me, or myself.

The worst thing is carrying around with me the knowledge that there is no great contest to win, even though that is what seems to motivate most people.

In my work I have had the chance to meet leaders, people of great influence and wealth. They brag without bragging. They say all the right, terrible things. Their success represents the failure of millions of people just like them. They are fucking cannibals, and they are treated like kings.

A part of me wants to die. The other part of me is too afraid.

So I work hard. I do my best, in the vain hope that someone else will care. But I know that won't happen, because they're like me. They're lost and confused and selfish, and there's no breaking the spell.

People try to cheer me up. They say things like, "There are people who kill to have the opportunities you have."

My answer is that is probably true, and that is totally fucked up.

Sex does not interest me, which makes interacting with women another hopelessly dull and anxiety-provoking feature of my daily life.

The thought of having a child, a daughter, a son, was something I used to imagine when I was younger. And it is like going to a funeral, to think about how this family that I once saw so clearly will never come to life.

And so here I am, typing on my computer, watching the clock, waiting for the moment when I am estranged from everyone-- when my parents have gone --so that my suicide will not be taken as an affront to them.

If I believed in God, I would apologize for writing this. But that hopeful dream has been lost like the others.

I have tried to be good and to be honest, but I am starving to death, from lack of life.


Similar Entries:
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When does it get better? February 27, 2012
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A girl who just wants an education December 2, 2011

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By anonymous at 19,May,12 19:22

Personally, I'm still interested in sex but I'm tired of dealing with this princess bulls**t. I wish that the country where I'm from would simply legalize prostitution so that I can pay to bust my nut and then not to have to deal with the woman anymore.
By anonymous at 21,May,12 01:45

are you kidding me? There are bookers in every corner of the world. Trust me.

By anonymous at 20,May,12 17:24

Dear Limbo-
I did a three card spread on you, this is what was drawn:
Your Past: VIRGINAL- Queen of Cups (reversed): The reversed Queen of Cups reminds us to treat ourselves with love and compassion. Regardless of your past or your circumstances, you are worthy of love and respect. However, there may also be a literal woman in your life whose loving energy may have turned to anger?
Your Present: THE HERMIT: this card means isolation, meditation, rejection of secular concerns, delving into the unconscious, self imposed exile or solitude, all being a process of rehibilitation.
Finally, your Future: IMPASSE- The Five of Wands: As with the upright 5 of Wands, you have a real need to believe in and trust yourself now. If something or someone doesn't pass the "smell test" to you now, trust your instincts. However, no matter what happens, be hesitant to escalate conflict or to take irrevocable steps. Don't be hasty, no matter how angry you get in coming weeks!

By anonymous at 21,May,12 06:26

You're still young with no family incumberance (no kids). You will be okay.

By anonymous at 28,May,12 19:42

You are very valuable. You are also very smart, I know this because you are young to have come up with a correct analysis of the world and the depraved condition of humankind. Now what ? You have been placed in a world which is alien to you - a world where people deliberately deceive and take advantage of others for their own gain. I am here too. I have an even lower opinion of this place than you do, yet I am at peace and content. My only goal while here is to serve. i am here only temporarily, after which I will go to my Father who loves me. I do not place my hope on man. I place my hope on God and his Son Jesus Christ. I do that , not because of any church or any religion, but rather the simple act of reading the word of Jesus Christ for myself , and realizing that He is actually God, He is Good,and yes He actually Loves me. What does the Creator of the universe and all mankind demand of us ? "My command is this : that you love one another". Btw I am the son of two atheists and have been in and out of every type of church you can imagine . Seek God and you will find Him. I am happy to serve Him. I love you and hope only the best for you, and pray for your renewal .

By anonymous at 28,May,12 23:01

Oh yes, and one more thing. Do you really WANT to be like everybody else ? It's obvious you don't. So why not take heart that you have been gifted a sense of awareness many do not have. I had to pour out all of my failings to God , and decide to follow Jesus Christ - try to live my life following His example and loving others as much as He does. I exist here in this place as a servant for Him, and I am now alive as I never was. The whole planet could all line the streets and shoot me the finger - I no longer care. But if I thought for one second God had abandoned me , I will immediately die never to live again. Jesus my life, my hope, my sustenance , my guide, and most of all, my Father. My Real Father Almighty and Holy "

By anonymous at 03,Jun,12 23:46

Sounds like you need the right woman to give you a push in the right direction. At 28 you are still young enough to find a smart and pretty woman with her head on right just look....

By anonymous at 16,Aug,12 02:30

There is no right woman. Friendly and pretty girls are almost extinct and when I finally find one(extremely rare) rhey are already taken. And for the hundredth time Ive written this most girls and women are unfriendly.

By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 21:17

and my final comment for all you motherfuckers who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.
By anonymous at 03,Sep,12 15:39

in my case I am not harassing you, I am just providing with a wonderful idea in how to end your miserable life and leave room for the rest of us...let's say that I am making also a contribution to the humankind from the Darwinian aspect, which establishes one of the laws that in any species there will always be individuals weakening its/his/her own species showing signs of degradation just as you are expressing and in such cases Nature has set up its own survival kit with demands the destruction of such member of the given species in question, so I can see that you still have some positive elements, and out of that you must get rid of himself IMMEDIATELY...!!!

By anonymous at 03,Sep,12 15:29

For @anonymous at May 19, 2012
You better look for the tallest building in your city take a camera with you and tell the guy (who guards the door directing to the roof of that building)that you are going to take some panoramic pictures for a research and that he can go with you....start taking pictures...closer and closer to the edge of the building and then tell the guard you are going to take the last shots at different highs just jump and while you are free-falling keep taking as many pictures as you can...thinking always that you are doing a contribution to the humankind because we will enjoy each and everyone of your pictures before you hit and smash against the the won't even feel it or notice it...then wait for the rest of us in hell...

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