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I think I am a serial killer

Posted by Devil at May 19, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 May

I am not sure why I hate my life and people. Everyone tells me how blessed I am. I guess Im just sick of hearing it. My brother molested me when I was younger, there friends did as well. I am not even sure they know have they screwed up my life.

My mother always seemed preoccupied with stuff rather than her family and my dad worked all the time. I have always felt alone and not wanted.

Now that I m older, I met a man and got married, I had twins with him and I hate my kids. I wish they were never born. I think of killing myself all the time. I am so depressed that i just lock them in their room and never leave the house. I can't stand for my husband to touch me, I don't know how it will ever get better.

I want to adopt out the kids so I don't ruin their lives, but my husband says no. Of course he gets to go to work all day and does not have to listen to two 2 year olds scream all day. I mean scream, there has not been 1 day that they have ever not been screaming. They take turns, they fight, I can't go anywhere cause all they do is scream in the car. I think about driving off a cliff or going head first into a simi, but I am scared that I won't die, ill just get maimed.

Every time I leave the house and return I hope to come back and find that I have just had a nightmare and it is just me and my husband and my successful business. I think about getting a job but when I have checked around I would actually be paying out money every week, rather than earn any. Between daycare $150 a week, gas, and maintenance on a vehicle I can't afford to get a job.

I wish for someone to shot me in the back of the head while I am sleeping, I just want life to be over for me. I know it would be best.

I think about killing you. Yes you. Everyone reading this. I hate people. I think about doing to people the awful things that you see on TV. I haven't, but the urge is there. I feel I am so close to a breaking point that it scares me. I live in a daze, not knowing what I am doing or sometimes what I just did. I find myself in a room in my house and I don't even know how I got there.

My husband took the demon spawn out for a while and the silence is so wonderful. Only the faint hum of the frig. I'd like to become homeless so I don't have to be responsible for anything or anyone. Don't get me wrong I have money, I wouldn't be happier with more money, I just need to be kid free. I made a mistake in getting pregnant and having these things.

Everyday is worse than the day before. I no longer believe in God. Make the voices stop! :-0


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Different Day December 28, 2011
Lost it all! September 27, 2011
Childhood gone. May 20, 2012
i have no hope in life October 28, 2011
Life Sucks April 12, 2010



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Comments:
By Cursed at 20,May,12 16:06

My Dear-
I took the liberty and did a three card spread for you- this is what my cards told me:
Your Past: FATE- The Three of Wands: three stages, Virgin, Mother, Crone. This card focuses on creation, invention, fortune, commercial activity, and reward and punishment. It represents the power of KARMA.
Your Present: DECLINE- The Four of Cups: in your life there is darkness, a wintry stagnation, disillusion, disappointment, and satiety. Quite clearly this can be read in your post. But do not be alarmed, as it is only temporary. Because for your Future: the card that came up was THE WORLD! The world card represents completion, perfection, ultimate knowledge, true union, and can be translated as THE FINISH LINE. In the future, you will be closer to who you really are....
So, do not despair. These feelings you are experiencing will subside.. Perhaps you will start your own business? perhaps you will hire a nanny? In anycase, there is hope in your future...
Good luck-
Cursed
By justme at 21,May,12 02:43

Cursed, not sure if it's okay to ask but maybe you can do the cards for me? I would be very curious to see what they have to say about my confused self.
By Cursed at 21,May,12 10:33

You betcha sweetie. What question(s) do you want answered?
By anonymous at 21,May,12 10:36 Fold Up

Just Me- here is my personal email: jennylovesladybug@gmail.com
Send me an email and I can get some more personal questions out of the way so the entire WWW doesn't have to see:)
Looking forward to do a reading for you-
Jennifer


By Karen at 21,May,12 03:52

If you can't make the voices in your head stop, go get a chrome and bust your brains out. You are lunatic and need to die. Nobody will miss you. Your husband fucking hates U, your two kiddoes abhor U, everybody around U even Ur own mind fucking hates you so go fucking do yourself in. You're a fucking waste of space. No single soul will be sorry for you. I hate U you lowlife piece of shit!!!
By anonymous at 21,May,12 04:02

That is ridiculously harsh... Even if it's a joke
By IceWriter at 21,May,12 10:38 Fold Up

And Karen, U suck as a person in general. Leave the lady alone. C'mon.
By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 20:21

Yes I agree with you. Karen TOTALLY SUCKS as a person. This evil cruel degenerate dirtbag troll sounds like "Pretty Woman" who has been harrassing me on other websites. This dirtbag is like a shit stain on a toilet that won't go away. This scumbag is PURE EVIL PERSONIFIED and an advertisement for birth control. It doesn't get lower than this.


By RealityOverHope at 21,May,12 17:28

Hey you stupid slut failure of a human being bitch! What's up? hahahah so wait, what's so bad about your life? Tell me, you're poor, had a shitty childhood and are a psychotic bitch that wants to kill people. Yeah, I think you're just fucking delusional. Kill yourself skank, the world will be a better place.
By Cursed at 21,May,12 19:52

Have you ever noticed how you always come in last? Ever wonder what it would be like to be actually be nice?
By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 20:48

Let me reply to this scumbags who calls yourself reality over hope. Are you the same asshole as Karen and Pretty Woman? Or are you more than one asshole? You all sound alike and your comments are all cruel disgusting and despicable. God forgot to give you a heart.And no this despicable scumbags cant be nice because there's not an iota of good in this "person". Now your Reality over hope. Yeah the sad reality is that a degenerate scumbag such as you had to be born into this world when you should have been aborted at birth. The sad reality is that we have a God who allows evil scum such as you in the world. Your one of the reasons why this world is the shithole that it is; and one of the reasons why my religious faith is weakened.No heart; no morals; no conscience.Utter puke. No one gives a piss about you. Get off the website. And keep off. Shit Stain is what you should call yourself. Grow up. Your a horrible evil cruel disgusting degenerate who should never have been born and you don't belong on this website. Beat it kid. The reality is your an ASSHOLE DEGENERATE DIRTBAG TROLL.


By anonymous at 21,May,12 21:44

HOLY SHIT, most of the people who commented on this are more fucked up and obviously hate their lives and themselves more than this woman. I mean seriously, if you are on here telling someone to go and kill themselves you should take your own goddamed advice. Im 19 years old and i am more capable of providing helpful and caring advice than any of you. Perhaps looking to god is the way, perhaps not. for some people it is, however if you are truely looking for a way to solve this problem its very simple.

1. Grow up, your kids are going to cry and scream.....alot. Its what they do, you did it every kid after them will do it, so just deal.

2. if your having suicidal thoughts you should see a councilor, discuss your past and the things that are bothering you in order to work through your issues.

3. see a marriage or sex councilor to deal with the falling walls of your marriage. dont let the stress of the day bring out the part of you that labors on the past and causes hardships on your marriage. Your not the only person there you know, you have a family and a husband that may be feeling discomfort as well.

4.Dont listen to the people on this site or spend your time posting your complaints online. Get off your computer and acctually do something to improve your situation.
By anonymous at 22,May,12 15:58

Thanks for the encouragement.
By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 21:05 Fold Up

You'be noticed the trolls too; huh? For your information; these evil degenerate dirtbags such as Karen reality over hope pretty woman etc are not here to offer support. They are here to harass people. Isn't that obvious? Do I have to point it out to you? These evil scum enjoy watching others suffer. This is their sick idea of "fun". I'm being harassed by them on other websites. They have harassed the hell out of me. These people are pure evil. Why does the Internet allow this shit? Why does God allow such evil rot? Why ask an intelligent question?
By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 21:31 Fold Up

This is for the 19 year old anonymous with his 4 step solution. I know your trying to help but how realistic is your solution? Newsflash; not everybody can be helped. If I knew how to help them and if I had the power and ability to do it then I would do it. But I don't and nobody else does either. And this God isn't going to help. We have an absentee landlord for a God; remote; aloof; disconnected. Its pitiful and embarrassing and it makes me angry. There is no magic wand to heal us. All I can do to help is to tell them I feel sorry for them and to seek therapy and counseling if they can afford it. Ive been on therapy and antidepressants for years and it has done almost nothing to help me.


By anonymous at 22,May,12 12:46

Terrible Twos. I swear I went through the same exact feelings you have right now three years ago. You'll be fine! Go to some free counseling and be honest with your husband.


By anonymous at 22,May,12 13:13

Look, your current relationship with your children clearly isnt working, and I have a feeling it isnt going to get any better with the way you are handeling things.

Instead of going through the same motions everyday, try to expand/change your relationships with your kids and husband. It seems like your children arent very happy, and probably miss the attention and love of a mother. Play with them! Meet other mothers and expose your children to new and interesting things, I have a feeling they are screaming for a reason, and you have the power to change that.

As for your husband, as yourself: what qualities did you have that made a marriage seem like a good idea? Try to ENJOY those qualities. Save up, hire a 16 year old, trustworthy girl, and go out on a date with the husband. Even if its just a quiet walk, its amazing what serenity can do.

Its easy to turn to death, hate, and regret. Taking the higher path is harder, but could lead you to a happy, enjoyable life.
By anonymous at 22,May,12 15:55

Thanks


By anonymous at 03,Jul,12 16:12

Karen pretty woman reality over hope. Three assholes in one. This vile degenerate dirtbag and advertisement for birth control is a shit stain that wont come off.This lowlife scumbag enjoys the suffering and misfortunes of others and has no heart no morals no conscience and no soul. God forgot to give this degenerate basic human qualities and so the Devil rules over this degenerate dirtbag and utter waste of a human being.This is an ASSHOLE ALERT. The term asshole was coined for such people as Pretty Woman. Lets put this evil scumbags where they belong down the toilet.


By anonymous at 03,Sep,12 14:59

And my final comment on this fucking website is to all you assholes who harassed me I say to all of you FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.
By Mr. King at 24,Sep,12 09:04

You all are so crazy... that's really interesting. you need several types of doctors, first of all psychoanalysis will do great with you, also try to find some good social psychologist that will help you in communication and understanding, you are attributing things by using your past and that creates a lot problems, also you will need doctor that can work with your hormonal and neurological problems, also you need to let me find your brother and cut off his balls and his friends to. ... what else... everyone has problems, and there always is solution, just relax and talk to right person, who has experience or scientific knowledge of problems...
Kind regards


By Mr. King at 24,Sep,12 09:05

sorry i thought i was writing a new comment:
so here it's:
You all are so crazy... that's really interesting. you need several types of doctors, first of all psychoanalysis will do great with you, also try to find some good social psychologist that will help you in communication and understanding, you are attributing things by using your past and that creates a lot problems, also you will need doctor that can work with your hormonal and neurological problems, also you need to let me find your brother and cut off his balls and his friends to. ... what else... everyone has problems, and there always is solution, just relax and talk to right person, who has experience or scientific knowledge of problems...
Kind regards


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