I am 48 dying of heart disease and insulin dependent type 2 diabetes. I have never been married and I do not have any children...two things I really wanted out of life. What else is new, I never get what I need or want. In addition to the diseases I suffer with chronic pain in my back and neck every single minute of my miserable existence. On top of that I have carpal tunnel in both wrists, nerve damage in my left hip, diabetic neuropathy in my feet and hands, my left knee is destroyed from football and bicycle crashes and my right ankle is destroyed from auto crashes and football. I take some 17 different meds everyday and a minimum of two insulin shots. I am trying to survive on an 1100.00 a month income from social security disability...that sux! All my physical problems coupled with living in poverty have made me say fuck it! What's the point?! I'll never be able to have children and a woman who loves me as much as I love her. My life is only going to get worse. The pain will never stop...I already have a 100% clogged artery on the back side of my heart that is untreatable...I have a pacemaker/defibrillator in my chest and seven stents in my heart. There is nothing I can do to make my life better...so fuck it! Suicide is looking like a pleasant relief of my miserable existence...seriously | |
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I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty to do a three card spread for you- may it guide you for decisions to come...
Your Past Card that was drawn: OPPOSITION- The Seven of Swords. It represents a Crone and her Black Cat. The black Goddess, third in the Trinity. Her function is to CAST THE CURSE OF DEATH. A holy woman, her card indicates: Quarrels, Curses, Interference, Secret ENEMIES. Deliberate Hampering of Movement.
Your Present Card: KALI- The Queen of Swords (reversed) In general the Reversed Queen of Swords can indicate stumbling blocks; these are most often created by other people besides you but occasionally refers to those which you are creating. Do you behave in ways that people find abrasive? Are you shooting yourself in the foot without realizing it? If you don't know, ask someone you trust to be honest with you.
Your Future Card: VIRGINAL- The Queen of Cups. She is THE ICE QUEEN and stands in the CAVE of THE HEART. In an upright position, the Queen of Cups indicates the need to tap into your feelings and unconscious self. It’s important to be conscious of your dreams and intuition. Allow your emotions and intuition to inspire you. Any endeavor in the arts could bring great emotional satisfaction. Those around you may come to you for emotional support. You are a natural nurturer. It’s important to remember, however, not to be overly influenced by others.
In some cases, a Queen of Cups can indicate a situation that requires you to follow your heart and not your mind. You may be required to turn inward and explore your emotions about a particular situation. A caring friend or family member may offer you valuable help. You may find that a mother figure will aid you in important matters. A loyal woman may enter your life. She could serve as an important ally.
This is what your cards tell. Your past and present cards point to a strong likelyhood of being cursed. Fortunately, your future card should give you hope. My advice would be to turn inward, and gain strength with spirituality. It's what your future card suggests as well...
Good luck my friend-
Cursed
And the word "seriously" at the end of your story.... doesn't sound serious at all...
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28
Whats impossible for man is possible for God. He will comfort you, give you everlasting life, provide for your needs, give you a new life.
I dont know what your beliefs are, whether your athiest etc.. give jesus a shot at his word.
I'll pray for you man, keep on living, there is hope.
Sincerley,
Since you are dying may I please have your car and a check for 10,00 smack-er-oos? I am a recovering crack addict and I really want to buy a sailboat so that I may sail the ocean-blue. Please keep me in mind.
Regards,
Spanky (the hand)
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