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ugly ugly ugly

Posted by anonymous at May 22, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Juvenile problems  2012 May

Beware: this is just some stupid insignificant bitch moaning about nothing at all.

I shouldn't be complaining. the worst is over. six months ago the neighbours filed a complaint. they heard Dad screaming. He was kicking me at the time. I was taken into my Grans care. people found out about my parents abuse of me. and my cutting.
I couldn't act anymore. pretend everything is ok, smile, whatever. people stared at me in hallways and whisper. I've pushed everyone away but people won't accept that who I was before was a cover up. I'm nothing. i'm so ugly, stupid and disgusting. I wish I was dead. but I can't. I owe more then that to my grandmother. she's the only one who's loved me unconditionally. but even she can't see the pain I'm in. I cut myself daily and can't eat a decent meal without puking it out. I want to stop but I've no idea how. I feel like they're the only things keeping me alive. I cry myself to sleep each night and wish I wasn't me.
I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. when I'm not a selfish bitch my mind is reliving memories of being beaten; being told I'm nothing. I know everyone things I'm a freak. behind the sympathetic smile it's just disgust.
my life is meaningless and insignificant. I guess I deserve it with all the shit I've done. I deserve worse.
people should give up on me. I'm not worth it
then I could end this guiltlessly
I'm too stupid and weak to get out of this cycle
what is wrong with me
oh yeah, I'm a stupid, ignorant, ugly freak


Votes:


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

Comments:
By Cursed at 23,May,12 13:19

Your Past: OPPRESSION: The reversed Ten of Wands tarot card meanings refers to feelings of increased tension and strain. Someone is controlling and abusive in your life. Efforts are not bringing you the results you desire. In some cases, the reversed Ten of Wands can refer to an individual that wants too much control and authority (YOUR FATHER).Feelings of being overwhelmed and pressured result in a lack of trust in other people.

Your Present: STRENGTH- (Reversed): When Strength appears in reverse it does not indicate that you are not strong; on the contrary, it indicates typically that there is more strength in you and in your immediate situation than you are likely to be seeing at this time. If you’re having trouble “feeling” where the strong points are at the moment, get with a trusted and honest friend and make a list. Your GRANDMOTHER is someone to be grateful for and that you should make a point in the very near future to count your blessings. Yes, everyone wishes for more than they have - more health, more friends, more money, more… whatever. Appreciating what you currently have in hand is key to opening ourselves up for more opportunity for better things to come ahead! What is the coined saying: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Draw on the strength that you have and know that your current situation will improve!
Spirituality the reversed Strength card does not mean that you are weak or weak spiritually; on the contrary, it is a reminder that you have strength within you that likely goes far beyond what you would tend to imagine. If you have difficulty seeing and sensing that about yourself and your life, spend some time in nature. Find a natural thing that you find awe-inspiring, whether that’s a beautiful vista, a waterfall, or an old tree. Then remember that the strength and beauty in that scene or object is an integral part of who and what you are as well. Keep getting in touch with your strength!
Your Future: DEWI: the King of Cups- It's funny, as I was reading your post, I couldn't get a strong feel for whether you were a male or female? You're writing was very non-specific of either gender. Fascinating! since the King of Cups speaks of balanced male and feminine energy; he holds all the positive qualities of both masculine and feminine. Often he indicates a literal man in your life. Usually, when he represents a ‘live person', he's referring to a very kind and loving man, who will generally have hair on the lighter end of the spectrum. Know that you are supported by the universe, in ways seen and unseen, when he appears. In general the King of Cups represents kindness and compassion. There is an element of pure and true love in your life no matter what your situation when he appears. Nurture yourself, and allow others to nurture you, when you receive this card in a reading....
So, my friend, whoever you are- female or male, know that you have gotten through the worst of your troubles. No one should live under oppression, torture, or cruelty! My heart goes out to you-
Better times ahead-
Cursed
By anonymous at 27,May,12 12:08

thank you for the reading. it made me smile:)
in case you were wondering I'm female.
thank you.
•virtual hug•


By anonymous at 24,May,12 01:48

I KNOW THAT I AM ANCIENT AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH .... WHAT, LIFE, TODAY - ANYWAY, I AM SO SURPRISED BY HOW PEOPLE SO YOUNG CAN BE SO DOWN, DEPRESSED..... WHEN IT TOOK ME SO MANY YEARS TO GET THAT WAY. I HAVE DETERMINED THAT LIFE IS RARELY AS BAD OR AS GOOD AS IT SEEMS. HOLD ON, ...... IT WILL CHANGE!
By anonymous at 27,May,12 12:04

sorry, I know my problems are insignificant and relatively minor. I personally do not think things will change for the better as they haven't before.
Don't refer to yourself as ancient. you seem nice.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 21:12

and my final comment to all you fucking degenerates who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.


By anonymous at 21,Sep,12 23:46

hi thre. Sounds like you have PTSD. (flashbacks low self esteem etc). I was also badly abused ( no one came to get me though). I also have PTSD. Please PLEASE get help. PTSD is a bitch.


By matzcrorkz at 03,Aug,14 20:17

VnMunL I really enjoy the article. Great.


By matzcrorkz at 04,Aug,14 21:52

JYTbsG Really informative post.Thanks Again. Awesome.


By crorkz at 05,Aug,14 00:04

J82Yms Hey, thanks for the blog article.Much thanks again. Really Great.


By matzcrorkz at 05,Aug,14 13:33

WplMGZ Really informative post.Much thanks again. Much obliged.


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