Since as early as I can remember I had been picked on daily through my school life. It started when a couple kids decided to throw sand in my face in pre-school. Yes I can remember that far back. From there it was a daily routine right through primary school and secondary school of physical and mental torture. Had even been hospitalised several times because of it.
Finishing school with a score so low I was unable to enter any classes at university I wanted, I went out looking for a job. I had got a few very ordinary low paying jobs but it was a start. Moved into different cities to find better work however I was too unqualified to get anything good.
Fast forward to today. I am 32 years old, live with my parents. Don't earn enough to live by myself. Had 3 distant relationships with girls that only lasted a couple months. Had sex only once with a prositute. Watching all my friends around me grow up, buy houses, have families and move on with their lives. Im stuck going no where. I have been looking but women these days want someone successful. For more than 10 years I have wanted someone to hold me and love me but to me now, it is all a fantasy. I have even tried dating sites. Sent out 100's of contacts to women and have got ZERO replies. Not even just to be friends.
Depression, anxiety, stress through the roof on a daily basis.
Even my psycologist said my life was setup for failure.
Can't afford to live by myself.
No girl friend.
Feel like I am a waste of space.
What is the point.
Next time my parents go away for the weekend. I plan on going to the beach, try and swim out as far as I can until I am exhausted and drown. Should be easy considering I am also not a very good swimmer.