I'm 30 years old and been depressed for a long time now, I have no friends, they all drifted away a long time ago. I live with my girlfriend of three years and our two year old son. Every morning I wake up and its the same routine as the day before. I do all the house work,dishes,laundry,vacuuming etc. I no longer ask for help because that just causes a fight. I wish I had more energy to play with my son but we just stick him with his ipad so he's out of our way and he plays it all day and that makes me sad. I work nights 3 days a week which is not enough. I wake up late so my days are that much shorter. My gf has a calling job from home and is beginning to despise me because I'm so negative. I agree that I am...what's there to be happy about? I do all the house work, all the driving and get nagged by her daily for not having a better job. She is somewhat of a big spender and goes to the bar on a regular basis while I sit at home babysitting our son. She loves attention from other men and I had many guys texting her asking if they are still running away together or asking if her boring bf is gone, and at one point she even brought a guy home when I was at work, a guy she told me she knew from high school but later confessed she met him for the first time at the bar and he was coming on to her. Not only was I mad that she did that but I was furious that she would put our son in danger. Despite all this I do know she never cheated on me but she says she does this because I don't give her attention, and I agree I dont because I feel betrayed and not appreciated. Lately I have nothing but angry thoughts going through my head and I smoke a lot more these days, the anger inside me makes my head spin and and I feel hot like my blood is boiling. It makes me sad to see other couples work together as a team and then I look at us. We have lost a lot of money to people we called friends...a big chunk of that was my fault and I can't forgive myself for it, now I try to save more money because I feel like that will make up for it but it never does, even in my dreams I can't escape my depression and my fears, and its the worst in the mornings because for that split second my head is clear and then it all sinks in, it makes it really hard to get out of bed. I know nobody cares about except for 4, maybe 5 people. I hate myself every day and I hate looking at myself in the mirror...it makes me sick to my stomach...I just feel hollow inside. I love my son and GF more then life but this empty, hollow, scared feeling inside me takes up all my energy and emotions. Right now my idea of heaven is to live on a deserted island with no other human in sight, away from everyone and everything...even my video games that I use to escape reality. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read my story, I needed to vent here cause nobody ever listens...they just cut me off and talk about themselves....please feel free to leave comments, even if your intentions are to bash me, it will actually make me feel better knowing someone actually acknowledged my existence..