LIFE SUCKS

Unwanted

Born to a teenager and pedophile, whoremongering dad. My mom didn't want me but couldn't afford to abort me. My dad and mom never married and my dad was killed when I was four. My mom left me at many neighbors and family homes while she went away for hours (even days) before returning. I spent most of my life with my grandparents - Grandfather unemployed alcoholic who sexually molested my Auntie until the age of 18, Grandmother who couldn't think past church. When I did stay with my mom she would beat me and then brag about to me, she would also make fun of me and ridicule me in front of others. There's so much more to tell, but not enough time. My life has consisted of disappointments, depression, hatred, envy, jealousy, abandonment, mental and physical abuse, raped while a teenager, countless amount of jobs, broken hopes dreams and promises. I'm on medication for seizures and suffer from major depression. I often think about committing suicide, but afraid of the pain I'd endure. I don't give a damn about the pain it would cause others and don't really believe that it would anyway. Let them walk a mile in my shoes. I'm a failure and always have been. Each day I dread the next day to come. I hate my job, dislike most of my co-workers and despise my boss and the owner of the company. They're all a bunch of phonies. Although I used to be very skinny, I'm now very overweight and my hair won't grow fast enough. I'm considered to be attractive, but I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate life itself. I don't want to hear about there being a plan from God....what could the plan possibly be? What kind of twisted entity would allow such pain, agony and depression? I was a mistake from the time my mom conceived me and life had made that unmistakenly clear to me. If anyone knows of a fast, painless (or most painless) way to end it all, just let me know. Due to the longsuffering I have endured, at least I should be able to go without pain wouldn't you think? I haven't even told you nearly half of my agonies. Enough is enough. Fate has played an awful trick on me and is enjoying every second. The only reason why I believe that I failed at my first suicide attempt is because Fate wanted me to remain alive to amuse them with my suffering. I hate life as it has offered me nothing but hell, harm and tears.