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the black hole

Posted by anonymous at May 31, 2012
Tags: 2012 May  Philosophical

My brother once told me a story about "The law of diminishing return". Meaning that one can only do something so many times before it becomes old and redundant..Like If someone were to give you an icecream sandwich..over and over again..Eventually, you won't want anymore fucking icecream..It fascinates me..because, time and time again it has been proven true in my life..and it applies to everything..

I miss the days when I felt Happiness and security..but, the older I get, the more these things go away..the more I realize it's all childhood fantasy..

Life keeps going by so fast..and my head is filled with nothing but memories of when life sort of made sense..when things were simple and carefree..I'm only 29..about to turn 30 this year..but I feel old..drownded..because now it seems like the boring and even the darkest times of my past, turned out to be the brightest parts of my life so far..and I don't see how that's going to change...so i'm just supposed to accept it..as it slowly rips me apart inside.

These days I hate everything about myself..but then again I always have..It's hard to grow up that way..but I remember I used to ENJOY and look forward to things..Now it all just seems like a means to pass time..

I admit, I suck with people..I never know what to say..and I get the feeling they think i'm crazy because I look mad all the time..but not intentionally.
all I want is to feel like I belong to something..yet, somehow I can't help but to feel so alone and scared..because they'll go away one day..The ones who mattered to me the most have died or left..most that died were young like me..because of suicides..and I can't help but wonder..did I play a part?

So now, I am trying to date again..and make some new friends..but my confidence is shit..I want them to know I like them, but it seems all I do is make myself look stupid in the process..because i'm so nervous..I'm supposed to value my life and want to progress, yet I do not..I don't know why I don't try harder..I guess it's apathy. It's a fucking sickness..one that makes me question how long I want keep pretending..that it's all ok..when it is not.

It's not really that I want to die..it's just that I don't want to be here..all life seems to be about is how much you can endure..and I'm tired of it..Is it supposed to be this way?? Am I supposed to use my pain and hatred to help me progress in life? Experience seems to be the only reason I keep going but, I don't know for how long because, its just more of the same..only more painful, and the "good times" are less and less exciting.

I hope that by saying this I have made sense to someone..that it's not just me being a whiney bitch..


Votes:


Similar Entries:
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Comments:
By anonymous at 01,Jun,12 17:07

I feel the exact same way. And it lifts my spirits just a tiny bit to see that i am not the only one who feel this way.

Strangely i also glorify my past as you do, even though when truly think of my past it haven't been that great but still my brain tends to make it somewhat better than it really was. A strange phenomena.

Not much advise from here only that you're not alone in the way you feel there will always be others, many others, that feel the same way as you do. After all there is 6 billion people and i have studied mankind myself and found that we all are remarkably similar in our way of thinking and behaving. Don't fell nervous arround other people, they are mortal like you and differ not from you in mind nor problems.

best of luck
By anonymous at 01,Jun,12 20:11

Thank you..
By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 01:41

Ha ha ha just kidding, ha you thought you had a friend did ya. I wish you all the bad luck, and you're not fucking welcome so thank you very much asshole bah ha ha....
By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 11:17

wow. that was hilarious dude..the world would be a much better place without you in it..so do us all a favor and put your head in a vice..and keep cranking.
By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 12:17

I dont know why that loser thinks he is me but i just wanted to let you know that i meant what i said. Do not listen to that other idiot.
Don't bother of idiots they are just blindsided creatures which never experiences anything but their instinctive nature. They pick on other people because there own life is so hollow and meaningless that the only thing they find a tiny spectrum of hapinness in is making life suck for everyone else.

Still best of luck from here hope you believe me when i say that i am the real guy and not the phony retarded one.


By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 18:05

For starters, you need something to give you a jump start on confidence. How about eating healthy and boosting testosterone levels. Running and exercise is also a great way to boost testosterone and release natural endorphins like serotonin and dopamine. From personal experience, I find that simple things like suburban living and office cubical job life have taken away the very things that help your body and mind maintain mental clarity and inner satisfaction. Sitting around watching tv, playing video games, smoking weed, and surfing the internet for hours have blocked our bodies natural mechanisms that sustain good mental stability. Also finding a girl(Not a slam piece)can really help build confidence in yourself and give yourself another reason to live besides selfish gain. I hope my experience can give you some wisdom in finding a way to pull yourself out of the doom and gloom. Life is a gift and its a miracle that you are alive and breathing!
By hamadi at 09,Aug,12 20:27

nice words ,, you really puushed me forward
By anonymous at 04,Sep,12 17:33

you didn't write this..so shut the hell up!
By anonymous at 04,Sep,12 17:31 Fold Up

sorry i haven't replied to your post for a long time, but I have read it several times..and your 100% right. So, thank you, for spending the time to give me some sound advice, rather than an insult.


By It's that time at 02,Jun,12 18:49

You need to get laid, get stoned too.


By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 19:31

Haha I always love seeing people about those subtle feelings. I like what you have shared!

Best wishes,

Nina
www.ThoughtsVent.com
By anonymous at 03,Jun,12 10:01

nina give me ur money at thoughtsvent
By filipino guy at 04,Jun,12 03:38 Fold Up

fuck off nina and leave spratly islands to the philippines!


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 08:29

I know exactly what you mean. Ive read many posts on this site and contributed a few of my own, yours is one i can strongly relate to. We talk about our own lives and circumstance a lot, but here you go beyond that to an extent and talk about some of the very principles of life.
That very notion of if we have something long enough, we enivitably get sick of it. So then what do we want? Often its something difficult or something we cant have. By chance of a miracle if we get it, soon after it becomes so what? Why do we bother it all? I wish i knew why as the years pass this becomes all the more obvious. Perhaps it is just the naivety of youth. Shit when i was younger i had it all worked out, what my future would hold. Now on the other hand, i just wish it would end. I dont want to try and put any ideas in your head though. You know yourself deep down how your going to play it out, if you don't, you soon will. Accepting it is the hard part. Best of luck, i hope you find those happy days once again.


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 17:03

Wow holy shit, ever heard of a paragraph?
By anonymous at 07,Jun,12 14:57

oh i'm sorry..let me re-write it so it's easier for your dumb-ass to read.


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 20:58

Why don't I kick a black hole in your ass
By anonymous at 07,Jun,12 14:58

I really, honestly wish you could be here so you could try..


By anonymous at 23,Jun,12 00:32

More trolling. Its pitiful what humanity has degenerated into. Just look at these disturbing websites. Some of the comments are even more depressing and more disturbing than the letters. There really is no hope for humanity in this screwed up world ruled by the Devil.


By anonymous at 09,Jul,12 06:30

this is the best and deepest post I have seen yet i can relate a hundred percent


By anonymous at 07,Aug,12 04:53

Yes many people feel like this at one point or another. Pain makes you stronger. One day you will realize how strong you have really become. Thank you for sharing also, and you don't' sound like a whiney person. Sounds like you are on the right path to finding what life is worth to you.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 08:48

and my final comment to all you maggots who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.


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