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Nothing Can Save Me...

Posted by anonymous at May 31, 2012
Tags: Family  2012 May

I can't stand my life...

My family is a complete disaster. My parents and older brother always fight, my twin brother is the biggest douche in the world to me, and my little brother and sister can't go one day without whining, bitching, making a mess, or just completely drive everyone in my family insane. They also feel the need to have to CONSTANTLY ask random unnecessary questions to my parents, at the worst times. I remember my dad was on the phone, late at night, with his boss, trying to see if he could get promoted, and earn some more money, because my family can barely pay bills. The whole situation was life or death. And of course, my little sister walks up to him, at midnight, to get some water. She keeps begging, and whining to him, because he's trying his best to ignore her. My dad got furious, and yelled at her. The first thing we hear in the morning is he didn't get promoted. I can't say I was too shocked. I know that in a few months, we won't be with running water, or electricity. It blows my mind that my parents even decided to have this many children...

In addition, I'm also forced to go to a private catholic school, and I'm an atheist... I HAVE to take a class on religion. (one that I don't believe in, because at this point, I lost all hope in any source of a higher power.) I don't even see the point of why we HAVE to. How does studying the life of Jesus and God, have anything to do with me, wanting to be an engineer when I grow up? (Assuming I live that long...) I have to wear a uniform, taking away my freedom. And to top it all of, I have to do community service for my school. Because, that's what I want to do. Work for some charity/organization, without getting paid, WHILE DEPRESSED.

I always hear people say, "Look to God," or, "Think positive about yourself." As I already said, I lost all hope in any religion. And I can't think positive. I'm a giant scrawny nerd, who has no athletic capabilities, no talent at anything, I'm not too "bright," and there are many things I just can't stand about people. I'm not asking to be "the coolest person on Earth," or to be famous, or rich. I just wish my body wasn't in such a shitty condition. And what's the point? No one will notice. No one will care if I change. It's like everyone only cares about themselves.

I have been thinking of suicide. But I can't even do that, because I'm a fucking coward. I've been hoping one day I'll walk down the street, and get hit by a car. It would be even better if I could ask someone to just kill me.

All the world needs is me...

But I don't need this world...

I want to die~


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 01,Jun,12 11:21

First of all, the world doesn't need you. Don't think you are so special. There are 7 billion people on this earth. One less "soul" will not change anything.

On the positive side, I give you a thumbs up for knowing what you want to be when you grow up, most people are clueless. Nurture that passion and your life should get better.

Focus on not making the mistakes of your parents made. Focus on becoming better than they are. Study hard and get to college and then assuming you aren't mentally handicapped in some way, you will survive. Best case scenario is that you make good money from engineering and won't have to experience this kind of hardship again.

Good Luck
By anonymous at 03,Jun,12 02:28

Everyone is special there is no one in the world like you but i guess you feel that way about your own self worthless right?


By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 18:47

Let loose, get drunk, stoned, have some fun.


By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 19:30

Hey why do you ever wanna kill yourself? Is that true that there’s something you just cannot solve?

If you want somebody to talk to, use 1-800-273-8255.
Also, ThoughtsVent.com might help you!

Nina
www.ThoughtsVent.com
By anonymous at 03,Jun,12 10:00

thoughtsventwatchurwallet.com scammers
By anonymous at 04,Jun,12 03:46

agreed


By anonymous at 03,Jun,12 02:27

love your parents with your whole heart i cant say it enough, i hope god blesses your life take care.


By anonymous at 03,Jun,12 17:58

Everyone's life has ups and downs hang in there


By anonymous at 08,Jun,12 15:49

watch The arrivals


By anonymous at 12,Jun,12 00:26

There is much purpose to your life and for the pain you're experiencing. Life has its ups and downs and it sounds like things have been "down" lately. Hang in there! I know you don't believe in God but He most definitely believes in you!! Before you write God off try Him one more time! Talk to Him and give Him the chance to how himself strong in your life! I will be praying for you and your family....


By anonymous at 25,Jul,12 00:06

God is a disappointment for me too and I am a believer and a Christian. Its a remote aloof disconnected and deficient God we have who behaves as if He doesnt exist. But He does exist. Unfortunately something is amiss with this God and He either allows evil and suffering of He is unable to prevent it. Why? Well you would have to ask Him and He has chosen to keep silent and secret about it. He has chosen to keep us in endless suspense and ignorance. And yes both people are cruel and nature is cruel. This world is a miserable sack of crap ruled by the Devil. How else to explain the evils in the world and how else to explain its Satanic nature? Theres got to be an evil force or forces mainly invisible to us who are working behind the scenes to make the world the cruel shithole that it is. For the last 18 years my mind has been preoccupied by evil and suffering in the world.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 20:24

and my final comment to all you degenerates who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.


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