How to overcome
your powerty demons

Stop Anxiety
and panic attacks

Get Paid For
Using Social Sites!

Save Your Relationship
No Matter How Bad
Your Situation Appears

LIFE SUCKS

Stories submitted by real people.

[Tell Your Story]

Categories:

Abuse  Addictions  Alcohol  Anger  Anxiety  Appearance  Attitude  Bad Luck  Childhood  Crime  Death  Disappointment  Drinking  Drugs  Environment  Failure  Family  Friendship  General  Health  Independent circumstances  Job  Justice  Juvenile problems  Life Story  Loneliness  Meaninglessness  Mistakes  Money  Philosophical  Poverty  Prank  Racial  Relationship  Religion  Reputation  School  Sexuality  Society  Sociopathy  Stepdad  Stepmom  Stress  Tragic Events  Unemployment  Violence  


Archive by Month:
July 2012
2012 June
2012 May
2012 April
2012 March
2012 February
2012 January
2011 December
2011 November
2011 October
2011 September
2011 August
2011 July
2011 June
2011 May
2011 April
2011 March
2011 February
2011 January
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
2010 September
2010 August
2010 July
2010 June
2010 May
2010 April
2010 March
2010 February
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
May 2008
February 2008
January 2008


Ads:

Why my life sucks

Posted by anonymous at June 1, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 June

My depression began when I heard as a little girl that my father was very unhappy when I was born--he wanted a boy. I loved my father very much, and it killed a part of me to learn that I was unwanted. Later in life I have wondered if it was a malicious aunt who had lied to me about my father's disaapointment when I was born,but no adult rationalization has quite brought relief to the wound my young mind suffered. My mother has always been apathetic and neglectful towards me, I know she wanted a boy and had one after me, but it isn't her coldness towards me which has pained me as much as the thought of my father's disappointment on my birth. One day when I was a small girl my mother told me in a mood of anger 'Go hang yourself.' I remember I did try to kill myself many times, prayed to god to kill me,but I did not die. I am now 37, I gave birth to a beautiful baby nine months ago, I am enrolled in a Phd program at a leading university and should have a respectable career ahead of me, but despite all this, I cannot shake off my desire to kill myself and die. My depression has been especially bad since my baby was born. Holding her in my arms, I have been ravaged by the thought of the disappointment I brought to my parents as a baby. I know I will not kill myself because that will mar my baby's life. How will she ever be happy knowing her mother killed herself? She is so pure, so joyous, so untainted by sorrow or blemish of any kind. When I cry in front of hershe thinks I am playing with her and squeals in delight. I want to live for her, but a part of me wants to put an end to it all and die. So here I am, caught between my wish to die and my responsibility towards my baby.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Life sucks. Period May 15, 2010
grrr March 31, 2010
ugh December 28, 2011
never get what you want, life is just one kucked up game. May 17, 2009
it still sucks August 10, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 04,Jun,12 13:16

its time you forget the past and look into the future because life is full of suprises you never know in the future u get luck and my luck is always with you!:) btw im 13 and a girl :)
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 14:17

Thank you. Your kind words, and wise too, have soothed me. I was very disturbed when I wrote this,and I'm feeling much better now. You are so young yourself and I hope you are visiting this site only for amusement and for no heart-troubling pain. Lots of love, OP
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 15:23

Well I am a happy girl and I alwys laugh and with my Pain I play with it I want people to be happy. Like me and I wanna help people even though I'm 13 ooo n I wanna become a singer so if i become famous I will never forget this website !!! :):):)
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 15:51

At 13, you are mature beyond your years. I have no doubt that your songs will ring with the truth about life. Sucessful or not, I know you will bring happiness to every one around you. I'm rooting for you--way to go girl! From OP :)
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 10:05

thnxxx


By broken at 04,Jun,12 19:08

Chicks with 'daddy' issues are awesome
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 14:23

haha. you are wickedly funny. I'm intrigued by your 'broken' name and would have liked to hear your story except that I fear it will a vitupiration of mindless obscenity.


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 00:05

You want to end your life and ruin your child's life so that she can forever resent what you did by leaving her behind? All because of your fucked up parents? I found out I was pregnant on Mother's day last yr only to find out 5 days later that I had miscarried. I only WISH I could be a mom right now. I'm 34 and can't get pregnant and when I finally did, I lost it. Be Happy and Grateful you have a family and a beautiful daughter. I wish I had that right now. Don't repeat history with her by damaging her life like your parents did yours. BE GRATEFUL YOU"RE A MOM AND A GOOD PARENT AND MOVE ON.
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 14:34

Thanks for your comment. I understand your pain and hope that againt all odds you will get pregnant. That's what happened to me. But mind you, if you have a history of depression, pregnancy does not help. In fact, my depression has never been as bad as post-partum. And as I said in my post, I KNOW that I'll not kill myself, it's just that I have to battle every minute with my suicidal tendencies. I just can't get rid of them. Anyway, you post reminded me of the blessing a baby is and how painful it is to lose a baby. You have said you can't have a baby; do try though, a miracle may happen. And if it doesn't may be you can adopt a baby? My own experience is carrying a baby is an insignificant part of raising a baby. And you will be spared of depression too resulting from out-of-whack hormones.
My heart-felt wishes.
OP.
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 16:46

Yes, I have a very long history of depression since I was in High School. I'm sorry that your postpartum is as bad as you're describing. I'm sure if and when I become a mom, I will go through the same thing...but praying I don't. Have you talked to a professional about this? At least do it for your daughter. I'm sorry, I can't imagine what you're going through. Stay strong & Hope things get better for you.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:35

Not every one suffers post-partum depression; I hope you will be spared. I'm getting professional help but it hasn't worked so far. But I have to say opening myself up like this here and hearing kind words from you and others have made me less dejected. It is my birthday today and I have spent a whole day today without wanting to die once. Thank you and good luck in in getting pregnant. Your baby will be born in love.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:54

Happy Birthday!! And thanks for the sweet message. I really appreciate it. Your daughter deserves a good mother, she deserves you. Keep her forever in your mind and don't let your negative thoughts win. You can overcome this if you believe. Just think of your daughter and all the times she'll need you by her side. Don't let go of that.


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 03:15

Just because your own damn father didn't love you doesn't mean you can neglect your kid of love. It's assholes like you that the reason why some children ends up in Foster care because the parents go crying that they have it hard or they was abused themselves the reason why they couldn't cope with parenthood. Go fuck yourself bitch.
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 14:35

You are like the many students I teach at university who have neither reading skills nor understanding.
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 20:31

Oh so you teach huh...well did someone ever taught you to go Fuck yourself, no...I bet they didn't.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:59

Wow, you're real clever. Bless your heart.


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 16:57

Masturbate and then kill yourself
By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 17:40

Douche


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 22:24

Recommend www.ThoughtsVent.com to you!.
A better place to get advices!


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 22:58

I know how you feel. I spent 2 years of my life in a deep depression, holding a razor to my wrist every night while crying and feeling like I would never get out of that hole. I went to college and medical school and for the most part do pretty well now with a career and friends, but it can be hard to explain to people that when things go wrong the first thing I resort back to are thoughts of hopelessness, profound sadness, and just wanting to end it all. Please seek help if the thoughts get overwhelming...at the very least for your childs sake. You do deserve happiness, and as much as we may know that we would never actually do it, you dont deserve to suffer.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:39

Thanks for your kind words. I will be stronger.


By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:03

Go play in your pussy and you should be fine. All you need is for someone to fuck you up the ass and you should be fine.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:58

And out of all the swimmers you're the idiot that made it? Why?
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 01:49

haha, now I'm laughing my head off. :)--OP


By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:46

Thanks to every one for your kind words, for sharing your experiences and for helping me put my misery in a sane perspective. It's my birthday today and I am at peace.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 00:57

:)
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 05:19

Happy Birthday Motherfucker :-)


By anonymous at 09,Jun,12 14:42

I understand why your upset but omgosh your problem is not even really that bad and your enrolled to get your phd in a leading University in the US?!?! You know how many people in this world would love to be in your shoes? Try being someone who has seen their father beat the crap out of his mother repeatedly and seen his father molest his older sister and than growing up hating life and people in general and gets in trouble and gets a felony and than not able to live out his dreams because of a felony. You think your life is just freaking horrible because mom and dad didnt want you?! Well dont make that same mistake with your kid. Live life with your kid and live for your kid. I am sure if you do that you will see how much life is worth living. Your soon to have a great career making good money and you and your kid will be able to experience a lot of things in life that only a small percent of us in this world would be able to do. Your life is a freakin blessing but you want your life to be freakin perfect and cant get over yourself not having a perfect life. If I could trade places with you you would look at your life as if you were in heaven. Please take a hard look at yourself and take a look around you. Go drive in the ghettos and look how people are living and ask yourself is your life really that bad..
By anonymous at 09,Jun,12 23:33

Thank you, I appreciate your message. You know what coming to this site and hearing you people out has given me a better perspective than anybody else I have talked to or what I have managed on my own. I am feeling ashamed; my depression does feel like an indulgence. At least at the moment. I'll remember your words next time when I get that overpowering urge to want to die. Against all my good sense, I have this fucking desire to die that I can't control. I hate myself for this. But thanks again. You make a lot of sense. And YOU ARE SO RIGHT WHEN YOU SAY THAT I WANT IT FREAKING PERFECT. Damn me.


By crorkz matz at 03,Aug,14 18:53

DF9M8Z Very informative blog article.Really thank you! Really Cool.


By crorkz matz at 04,Aug,14 20:32

b2Zy8y Very good blog article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.


New Comment