i have had depression/anxiety for about the past 8 years. im 24 now and have tried almost every medication under the sun for depression, anxiety, even bi-polar disorder. the doctors never really could figure out why i am this way or how to treat it but have told me its so bad that i may never be able to work a steady job or go back to school for the rest of my life. i stayed at a few psychiatric hospitals which didnt help. the worst part is i have the greatest family who i love more than anything and who have tried to help me every step of the way and are still trying to find a doctor or medication to get me better. but for the past 9 months i have barely spoken to them which upsets them very much but i cant help it. i feel no happiness. i have a few good days maybe every 3 weeks or so but then im right back to severely depressed. it hurts me so much to know they are hurting. i wish i had a family that didnt care. i stay locked in my room for most of the day because im too depressed to be around them. i put on a lot of weight which is what depresses me the most now. i was always in top shape. now im not at all so i lost my confidence, my self esteem, and refuse to even leave the house. i think i went further than a block from my house twice in the past 9 months because im so embarassed of what i look like now. i have suicidal thoughts all the time and the only reason i havent killed myself is because i know it would destroy my family. it sucks. i want to just end it but i cant. i dont see things ever getting better. i dont see the point in living anymore.