I can't say I hate my life but I know I don't like it. Everything I see in the media I know is fabricated. The internet, TV, newspapers, etc. If everything in reality is fake how the fuck are you able to tell whats real. I really can't say I understand any of it. I can breakdown peoples characteristics and kind of understand who they are and stuff like that and it seems to me like so many people on this earth are fake themselves and just want to please others. I live this fucking boring repeated cycle of a life and I'm really just trying to understand who the fuck I am. I don't know if I am unattractive or anything but I haven't had a female friend since I was in grade 9 and now I just finished my first year of uni. I know life isn't all about girls and shit but I feel like I don't deserve any love or anything. I feel like a robot all the time, I can't understand my own fucking emotions. Its like I'm a dead corpse or something. I always wondering about my own death. How will I die and when. I don't understand when I became all fucked up in my head. It might have been the one year I was forced to live in some shit hole of a country where the fucking people all seemed to hate me and I definitely hated all of them. The country was Yemen and I'm not even Yemeni. I keep questioning why people do what they do in this life like go to university or college (or don't), get a job, work at that job till they retire, then die. WTF is the point of all that. I can't interact with people because I feel like I'm so different from everyone. I'm black and its really funny when I'm on the bus or subway and people just don't want to sit beside me (I might just be paranoid) but it make me laugh inside. If theres anything I hate on this earth its the FUCKIN Police and the FUCKIN Government and I don't think I need to tell you any reasons why I do. I'm just so fucking depressed all the time and I don't know why, I'm sure I don't have a reason to be (compared to all the people on this website telling their stories). I don't think I've been happy a single day for the past 5 years. The only thing I feel is real in this world is pain and fear. I want to go to my parents country in Africa for 4 months to feel fear like I never had before. The fear of not being able to know if today will be your last day. I find that to be fun and exciting. Maybe I just fucked up but I don't know. Does anyone ever feel the same way I do?