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everyone has a story

Posted by seraphina80.livejournal.com at June 3, 2012
Tags: Health  2012 June  Money  Relationship

As I said, everyone has a story. I haven't always had the best of luck period, and it irritates me that I have to work harder then some for everything. I am now 32 years old and still renting, I have never been married or have any kids. I have yet to have any dream come true. I feel like life forgot about me. For the last 5 years I spent my life with a man who had money but who was a junkie, alcoholic and who had a gambling problem and who only cared about himself. He put me down a lot. I also had a good income but was laid off for months in the end. When I was with him I lived 2800 miles from any family and friends, then a couple of years ago he moves me back "home" which was his intent on getting rid of me, which I didn't know at the time. However, he up and left me to pay for everything. I then had to file for bankruptcy. Which was ok but I couldn't even pay for living expenses and most times had to sell things to pay the bills. Forget trying to find a better job, my province has one of the highest unemployment rates in Canada.

Then my best friend who I was in love with ended up dying in his sleep from heart failure at 39 years of age. I was devastated and dealt with the pain and grief on my own for months. I started drinking to self medicate. Eventually I ended up on antidepressants, which wouldn't be my first time. Because of the antidepressants I then gained 25 lbs in a year!

Oh I also used my RRSP to live on and upgrade some courses because I had been trying to get into a health related field program at college for the last 3 years. I have been on a wait list and finally got accepted. Now that I got accepted I can't get a student loan even though I didn't include my old student loan in my bankruptcy and they assured me before I filed that it wouldn't be a problem. BUT IT IS!!! So now here I sit 2 months away from starting school and don't know how I am going to be able to go. I can't even better myself. I recently moved from a lovely 3 bedroom, quiet country like house into a 1 bedroom basement apartment in someones house and I can hear everything upstairs.

I also have a few health problems that get in the way, like back problem (scoliosis), IBS and interstitial cystitis, acid reflux and a fibroid in my uterus, anxiety and depression. Which I think mostly all would disappear, if I could get somewhere and stop stressing with things. I don't have any friends and don't have a close relationship with my parents or sister. I wish I did, but my parents and sister have never been supportive of anything I did.

My new boyfriend is great except for the fact we haven't really had sex yet because of his lack of an erection. He is 34 and we been together for a year now. So with that and my fibroid and my age and lack of money, the chances of us ever having kids is slim. So what is my PURPOSE? I have been trying to be positive despite it all.

In the past couple years I have lost a lot and and almost been homeless. I went from feeling pretty good and confident to feeling so small. I know there are people worse off then me, thats all I got to go on, to keep on keeping on.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Unusual Story January 11, 2012
The worst life ever: Human May 29, 2011
It is what it is January 17, 2012
Let's Brighten It Up a Little People!!! August 24, 2011
Life sucks February 24, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 09,Jun,12 16:37

Well if it isn't the fat fucker that sits around and gain 25 pounds. You can't have children because you're so fat that your vagina will suffocate them on the way out. You're just pathetic, you have the shit problems that you can't make stool, your boyfriend can't shot out nothing but blanks so all the way around you're screwed. I think I may have seen some circus freaks that symbols to you guys but no, you're the first.
By anonymous at 09,Jun,12 21:40

Your posts are stupid.
By Bitchville at 10,Jun,12 20:50

Almost as stupid as you bitch.
By anonymous at 09,Jun,12 21:40 Fold Up

Grow Up!
By anonymous at 09,Jun,12 23:45

Oh fuck you bitch :-)


By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 16:33

To Miss Cursed; this is the lonely; depressed guy who is being targeted by trolls in the Life Sucks/loneliness category and in the Life Sucks/philosophy category speaking;; and the guy who is disappointed with God. Among my fears is being sent to hell as if this earthly hell isn't enough.Daily mental torment is my life and for years I have had horrific nightmares when I sleep. There's a lot to say so I have to break down each blot and sign off and continue to the next. Otherwise I get cut off by the computer. I'm sure not going to reveal my true identity. Its way too dangerous. There are so many evil scum out there. I suggest that you also not reveal your true identity. Don't reveal your last name. While you have nothing to fear from me( I'm basically non-violent and basically honest in what I say and write.) Yeah I curse a lot and insult a lot and I'm ashamed of the language I use but I think you can see why if you read the entire website. These disgusting people(trolls) sicken me and they deserve their own poison. Evil brings more evil. They have no business being on this website. They've harassed the hell out of me and they have harassed other hurting people and I'm sure they will continue to harass. That's how these sick horrible people get their pleasure; in watching others suffer.Cruel sadistic malicious scum is what they are. The evil degenerate Pretty Woman keeps on harassing me. Utter puke. Why does the Internet allow this shit? Why does God allow such evil rot? Why ask an intelligent question? I want to ask Jenny about your belief about God if you don't mind me asking. I may have offended some religious people by what I wrote. And it certainly not my intent to offend any religious people. I'm a Christian myself and I get offended too. Let me sign off and go on the next blog before the computer cuts me off.


By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 17:03

The God of the Bible is a pretty nasty being; dear Jenny. He is full of contradictions. Just read about his behaviour in the Bible and just look at the nature he created. If He created everything then he also created ticks fleas lice hookworms cancer malaria anthrax Ebola hurricanes tsunamis and the violence and killing in nature. Wow. The same being who created roses and butterflies also created cancer and Ebola. Does this God have a split personality? Is He some kind of cosmic Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde? According to the Bible; the answer is yes. The Bible says that God kills and makes alive; He hurts and heals He creates light and darkness; and He makes peace and; depending on what Biblical translation your reading; He creates either evil; or disaster; or calamity; or catastrophe; or misery. The Hebrew word for evil is ra; and in this context it may refer not to human evil but to natural evil or physical evil as in a tsunami. Its still a frightening God; whatever the text means. And in the New Testament there is Hell which according to fundamentalists the majority of humanity is doomed to go to after death and I'm probably going to end up there. The biblical God is the cruelest beinng in the universe. We're being punished for being what nature made us to be. A lot of what is called sin is natural (both nature and nurture dictates our behaviour) and if one is going to blame the Devil and Adam and Eves sin as corruption and ruining human nature then how in blazes could we have total free will? We don't have total free will for either being good or bad. Is it fair to punish good innocent animals for free will and Adam and eves sin? Absolutely NOT. This God of the Bible has no common sense has no reasoning in what He does. Its pitiful and embarrassing. Let me sign off before going on to the next blog.


By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 17:42

Dear Jenny I live in fear of this God. Either this God has an evil side in Him or there is some kind of irrationality of some kind of insanity in Him. The fundamentalist preached will get angry if he reads this and will say I'm going to hell. As I wrote before if God doesn't want me to complain to him then He either should not have given me intellect and reasoning ability or He should start being responsible and start taking good care of His creatures instead of neglecting them. Human nature isn't going to heal by itself. God has to do it. And nature isn't going to heal by itself. God has to do it. Its HIGH TIME this God starts to heal this broken creation. How long is it going to take? Until another Ice Age? Until everyone and everything is dead and gone? Until the sun dies; billions of years from now? This God is remote aloof disconnected out of touch with his creatures and out of touch with reality. And yet we are to love Him and worship Him and keep His commandments and believe every word of the Bible(if you can understand it; which nobody can) and believe in Jesus. And if we fail to do these things then an eternal torture chamber is our fate after death. Its disturbing and sickening. Enough about this depressing subject.


By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 18:18

I continue my conversation dear Jenny. As I stated elsewhere I'm a physically ugly guy which is one of the reasons I'm lonely and depressed. Girls and women are generally unfriendly to me. Ive become unfriendly myself. I'm not interested in nor am I fit for marriage. I'm just looking for a friendly girl or woman to hug and hold. Love affection and to talk and to walk outside in fresh air and a little bit of hiking are what I do. Since I hate smoking I prefer my girlfriend to be a nonsmoker. You don't have to be super gorgeous. I am happy with any girl or woman with average looks and you don't have to be superthin.Dear Jenny or Miss Cursed I can sense that your not just any woman. It would be nice if we could meet and be friends. Its up to you. I'm just a Teddy bear looking for another Teddy bear to cuddle with. I'm not interested in any girl or woman. I want a special girl or woman who has a good heart and who is loving and kind. Dear Jenny you are that special kind of woman. We've argued on another thread in the Life Sucks/philosophy website. That's ok. I forgive you. And I hope you forgive me for my rudeness. Those trolls have made me a nervous wreck. Just to be on the safe side we should both and especially me should ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins and to lead a good Christian life. Lets try to save our souls. I love you Jenny.


By anonymous at 29,Jun,12 21:50

Dear Jenny its me again; Mr. Lonely who is disappointed with God. Its not such a wonderful God but a deficient one. This God couldn't even help me get a single girlfriend and allows me to suffer from endless loneliness depression o.c.d. mental torment and horrific nightmares when I sleep.; so how is He going to heal the world as the Bible promises in the New Testament?Even if the Bible is right; how long is it going to take Him?Until another Ice Age? Until everyone and everything is dead and gone? Until the sun dies; billions of years from now? I'm sure not going to live long enough to see it. Does this God have some kind of mental block? It doesn't seem to occur to this God that He should intervene for us and He should help us and heal us. DUH. Things aren't going to heal by itself. Its up to God to do it. DUH. This God cannot see the cruelty and immorality; among other things of allowing rampant evil sin suffering and death. He seems UNABLE to see that He has to start being responsible and start taking good care of us instead of neglecting us. Its just not registering. He has chosen to neglect us and chosen to be remote aloof silent withdrawn hidden detached disconnected. This God behaves as if He doesn't exist. Absentee landlord is the description.This God doesn't seem to know how to be responsible and humane and seems to have no moral obligation to take good care of us. Irrational unreasoning mentally blind and morally blind.Its pitiful and embarrassing. For the last 18 years my religious faith has weakened; nearly 29 years of severe depression and intense loneliness 32 years of o.c.d. 29 years of mental torment and nearly 22 years of horrific nightmares when I sleep are the story of my life and 16 years in a horrible grueling job and more aggravation with driving as time is wasted sitting in traffic. Assholes and idiots abound on the roads and highways and there's carnage everywhere not to mention pollution.Its a fucking horror. A hellhole a shithole. On the occasions when I had to visit the hospital Ive witnessed horrific suffering with people groaning crying and vomiting. Its like a fucking horror movie and its like a fucking horror novel. There's a thousand diseases to torture and kill. And grievous injuries to torture and kill. And we have a God who allows this crap. Or maybe this God is not in control of what's going on in the world. Maybe God is good and loving but He is not powerful enough or not smart enough to help us. Or maybe gods power is intermittent and comes and goes and needs to be recharged like a battery. Maybe God can only help a few people at a time. I am speculating all the possibilities. As weak as my religious faith is its NOT dead. So dear Jenny lets accept Jesus Christ as our saviour and thank and praise God. God bless everyone. I love you.


By anonymous at 03,Jul,12 19:29

Dear Jenny even though I'm very lonely and need a girlfriend I realize its impossible for a number of reasons. Read the life Sucks/ loneliness website where I describe myself as a 43 year old male under the title: I'm condemned to endless loneliness. Half of the thread I'm harrassed by that fucking dirtbag who calls herself Pretty Woman one of the most evil scum put on this earth by the Devil. A shit stain on the toilet that wont come off no matter how many times its flushed. I see so much evil and cruelty in people and in girls and women that I'm misogynistic misanthropic and pessimistic. Fuck women and fuck this human race. I'm so disgusted by girls and women and I hate them so much I don't even want them around me. I don't want to see them and I don't want to hear them. I just want to be AWAY from people. A masturbation aid for my penis is the only use girls and women have for me and nothing else. They're not worth to even look at my penis. They're not worth the dirt inside my fingernails. I hate girls and women and everyday and every year that goes by my hatred continues and increases. Hate rules me.


By anonymous at 21,Aug,12 16:42

And my final comment. Im not interested in getting a girlfriend any more. I dont have a girlfriend and I dont care. Most of you are evil scum. Get the fuck out of my sight you fucking sluts.


By anonymous at 27,Aug,12 00:43

I have one more comment miss cursed. This is still the lonely depressed mentally tormented guy speaking. Im trying to get off this disgusting depraved website. Read my post Im condemned to endless loneliness in the life/sucks loneliness website. I was 43 years old when I started writing and right from the start these asshole trolls harassed me. Im now 44 years old and these assholes are still harassing me. In the life sucks/attitude website Im currently being harassed by the following assholes 1)penis breath- a name which I gave this asshole and 2) Family values- They should call themselves Asshole values and 3) Broken the resident asshole troll on this website. They are telling horrible lies about me. They have confused me with someone else. They have confused me with another bagger. That makes no difference for these assholes. They lie anyway and they harass me anyway. This other bagger your talking about who gives blowjobs to winos is NOT me. Im NOT gay and I DONT do blowjobs and I DONT hang out with winos and Im NOT homeless. How many times do I have to write this? Your confusing me with someone else and I have no idea who your talking about. These assholes are writing horrible lies about me. DONT believe them. These evil degenerates are LIARS. Wake up miss cursed. Smarten up. Go get glasses if you need them or take a reading course if you need it. Read more carefully. Do you have a very short memory span miss cursed? And both of us are on the life sucks/ philosophy website where Jimmy Swaggart makes a comment. All throughout this website I talk about evil and suffering and about God and the Devil and about my loneliness depression and mental torment. Im tired of writing and Im tired of being harassed by these asshole trolls. Ive had enough. How much can a guy write? And how much crap and harassment can a guy take? Im just a guy up against an evil world and up against the Devil. Theres no way I can win. Satan the Devil rules this fucked up world not a loving God. The world is a horror movie and the Devil is directing it. Im lonely depressed and mentally tormented. Thats it. Ive got nothing more to say. Im out of here.


By anonymous at 27,Aug,12 17:57

P.S. Theres another asshole character on the Attitude website who is writing horrible lies about me. A "Father" Mcnalley. He is believing the horibble lies written about me. You know miss cursed Im fucking TIRED of writing the same thing a hundred times. You people are either stupid and cant read whats in front of you or you are choosing to disbelieve the truth that I write about myself and you are choosing to believe lies and what liars degenerates and assholes are writing about me.. Your choosing to believe in lies and bullshit. This Mcmalley guy is an asshole and a disgrace. He should resign from the church. LYING IS A SIN MCNALLEY FOR YOUR INFORMATION. Your writing horrible lies about me. Your a minister of Satan. He should be thrown out of his church. I wouldnt want an ASSHOLE such as this running a church. You disgust me maggot. Ive had enough of this shit miss cursed. Ive been harassed enough on this website. Im trying to leave. Let me leave in peace.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 23:23

I have one more comment. FUCK ALL OF YOU TROLLS WHO HARASSED ME. ESPECIALLY YOU SIR PAUL OR RATHER SIR FUCKWIT. YOUR LOWER THAN SEWER SCUM. YOUR LOWER THAN A MAGGOT. SIR JERKOFF SIR FAGGOT SIR ASS WIPE SIR SHIT STAIN SIR COCKSUCKER SIR ASSFUCKER SIR SEWER BREATH SIR CUM STAIN SIR PUKE. FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR MOTHER AND FUCK YOUR FATHER FOR GIVING BIRTH TO A PIECE OF SHIT SUCH AS YOU. YOU LIVE IN THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF A SEWER. YOU SUCK SHIT FROM AN ENGLISHMANS ASS. YOUR THE END RESULT OF ALL THE SHIT PISS AND PUKE IN LONDON'S SEWERS. IT DOESN'T GET ANY LOWER THAN YOU SIR FUCKWIT. HELL WAS MADE FOR YOU. YOU OUGHT TO SUFFER SIR FUCKWIT. YOUR MORE EVIL THAN THE DEVIL. YOUR LOWER THAN A TAPEWORM. THEY SHOULD HAVE FLUSHED YOU AT BIRTH IN YOUR LONDON OUTHOUSE YOU WERE BORN IN. GO FUCK YOURSELF AND FUCK YOU ASS WIPE.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 23:24

And before I forget FUCK ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES WHO HAVE HARASSED ME. FUCK YOU ALL.


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