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Chronic Sickness and Failures, I need to go.

Posted by anonymous at June 9, 2012
Tags: Health  2012 June

I have never had the chance to be a child. All my life I had to be the adult and take care of everyone else. My mother cheated on my dad right before my eyes. I am pretty sure my little sister who I adore is the man's she slept out on with. Our lives are just lies. My sisters and I probably do not have the same father, but who will ever know. I have always been depressed, but I found a way to make it through it all.

Now that I am older, I am faced with greater struggles. This year I got really sick. For the last nine months I have been bleeding internally. The doctors do not know why this is happening to me. I bleed from everywhere and it is just so so so much. I am very sick and I do not see hope in getting better. I almost died this year and I am a little upset that I have not yet. I have been making mistakes. I accidently sent hate mail to a teacher. It was pretty intimate. It was a total accident and now I feel as if he could ruin my life in a matter of seconds. My life just sucks now and I feel there is no escaping it before high school is over.

People adore me, but I cannot understand why. Why do they like me? Why can't they let me go? I just want to exit this world. I am not meant to be a part of it. My whole life would be considered a success by a stranger looking in, but really I am a mess. I need help. My definition of failure is skewed and success seems impossible when really I do very well.

This is just a little bit about my life. How can I move on with the sickness and the letter out there to be exposed? I think I need to die. Maybe I will just bleed out.


Similar Entries:
From Someone Whose Life Actually Does Suck May 3, 2011
sickness sucks March 1, 2012
Once U R sick U R screwed February 10, 2010
boy was I let down!!!! August 16, 2010
.... November 20, 2011

New Comment

By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 16:57

I think that the life choices from the people around you are making you sick. It might be actually killing you. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this and I really hope you recover at least try to do so emotionally. Forgive your mother, her mistakes are not yours, there is nothing you can do about it. Your life is not a lie no matter how it came to be, your lovely sister will still be your lovely sister, and if people like you, accept it, maybe your a likeable person. I hope your health improves.
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 19:48

That is probably the best advice I have recieved ever. Everyone avoids the problems I have because they cannot handle the severity of my health issues. The people in my life are making me sick without realizing it and it is killing me. I know I am dying. At any minute I could have my parents emit me into the hospital. That option is open to me, but I do not feel like it is the right thing to do. I sleep 15 hours a day, sometimes more. I feel like my body is preparing me for an eternal sleep. I just hope I can get my health under control. I saw that people said my story is not that bad. Sure. The written part does not sound that bad, but I did not talk about everything. I am well aware that other people have worse lives, but this is mine and it seems bad to me. I am working on myself and hoping to distance myself from those who make me sick soon. I have forgiven my mother, but in the process I changed who I was for the worst in some ways. Thank you for your insight. It makes me feel a thousand times better to know people hear me. As soon as the bleeding slows down, I will work on the rest. I guess I am glad I have this story. It only makes my life that much more of a success in the end. God bless you.

By Supra Bandit at 25,Sep,14 23:48

Aku kemudiannya mengunci basikal kesayanganku. Cinta yang sentiasa membawa kebahagiaan kepada hati, =).ˇ°no thank you!ˇ± kata hayati yang dipanggil ?? apa yang akan si kecil ini teriakkan padaku disaat ia perlukanku.ibu mak ummi mama suamiku hanya tersenyum melihat gelagatku sambil memberi ciuman kasih didahikulamunanku menjadi semakin indah hari demi hariku usap perutku setiap waktuku bisikkan kata-kata indah pada bayiku teramat sayang padamu wahai anakku.sebelum jenazah anakku disemadikan sempat kusisipkan photo aku bersama suami di balutan putih tubuh kecil anakku.sempat jua ku ambil bekas-bekas kain putih itu yang dipotong untuk kusimpan sebagai pengubat rindu

By Mens Heli-Arctic Parka at 28,Sep,14 20:22

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By ARTHIRITIS DAN MSM at 25,Jan,15 05:35


By Chaussures Air Jordan 7 at 08,Feb,15 16:46

ˇ±ˇ°Tapi awak berubah terlalu banyak Nurul.ˇ±ˇ°Erm. ˇ°Abang tengah final exam masa Abang Awish called dulu. Tetapi jawapan itu hanya abangnya sahaja tahu. Tidak pernah dia di perlakukan begitu!??Maaflah.??Macam nilah. Minggu ni ada kenduri kahwin kat kampung tu Kalau Zaf nak pergi pergilah Mak dapat surat jemputan tapi tengoklah mak tak janji dapat pergi?? ujar Mak Jah??Kenduri apa Mak Jah?? terdengar satu suara bertanya Zafran dan Mak Jah menoleh Kelihatan Sofia sedang berdiri di belakang mereka Wajahnya sedikit masam??Kenduri kahwin di kampung sebelah Tuan Razman dapat surat jemputan tak?? soal Mak Jah Selalunya kalau ada kenduri kahwin majikannya tidak terlepas dari surat undangan??Tak taulah. akulah orang pertama yang menyibuk-nyibuk nak tengok siapa pulak yang datang ke rumah mereka di waktu pagi begini. Entah apa yang dia dengar pun aku tak tau.ˇ±Lina menggeleng kepalanya.Sejak berada dua tahun di Bandar Lina sudah mengenali banyak ceruk rantau di kawasan pengajian.

By Reignbeau at 24,May,16 23:48

What a pleasure to find someone who ideieifnts the issues so clearly

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