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Pain.

Posted by Jay. at June 9, 2012
Tags: Abuse  Childhood  Family  2012 June

Where should i start. I've grown up in a very broken up family that includes (Abusers, Molesters, Alcoholics, Drug Addicts.) My Father was the abuser & alcoholic in the family he started beating my Mother when she became pregnant with me tried killing her by choking her until she almost died. After I was born I became his second punching bag not even a month old he would blow pepper in face because he thought it was funny spin me around in a desk chair till I would throw up. When I was a around three months old I had colic and one night it was so bad I was crying in my crib he was upset that I was disturbing his sleep he slapped me in the face so hard my Mother couldn't leave the house for days because fear of DCF. My Parents eventually got divorced when I was almost two but my Mother cared more about getting herself away from my Father than she cared about getting me away from him she signed custody over to him and moved across the country and moved on with her life while I was being beaten for everything I did and didn't do. About five years go by and my older cousin started molesting me every morning (at the time he stayed with us) and I didn't know exactly what was going on I never told any body because he would threaten me and I've kept it to myself for many years. My Father still abused me as I got older but it wasn't just the usual "ur my punching bag" he started using objects such at throwing a tv at my head breaking things that belonged to me locking me up in my bed room every night with out eating dinner & got to where he would take my clothing from me and would make me ware the outfit that he would pick out for me and i would have to wear it until he decided i could have something different and I was only aloud to go to school and home I dreaded going home everyday eventually he started letting his girlfriend abuse me mostly by name calling even though to most people it's not a big deal but when ur a young child names like whore, fatass, cunt, hussy, really have an impact. After awhile he decided he didn't want me living with them because I took up to much space in my little bedroom that was actually a small closet so he pawned me off to my grandmother for a little bit and she didn't want me either she kicked me out of her house and back into my Fathers house and that's when I became the slave I had to cook, clean, walk to the store to get them geocerys because they were to lazy to do anything. I stayed in touch with my mom over the years and eventually went and lived with her for a little bit when I was twelve. after school had ended my Father made my Mother send me back to his house for what we thought was just a summer visit ended up with him forcing me to stay and live with him again where I once again became a prisoner and punching bag at that time I was thirteen where I was forced to sleep in a small room above my great-grandmothers house with only a bed and a window he kept me there for a year until he got sick of having me around so I was sent back to my grandmothers home until she didn't want me around and sent me back to my Mother & I've lived with an close to her ever since. Now to the drug addict and unfortunately that's me something I'm not proud of and something I'm working on fixing I've surrounded myself with so many other people who are too and that's all I've know for the past few years is the high and how it Makes everything in my life feel like just an awful nightmare and no my drugs of choice are not coke or meth so please do not refer to me as those things. I'm sorry my story is so long I just had a lot to write. Please no hateful post. I'm already leaning over the ledge to my death I don't need to be pushed.


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 05:22

they do need their ass kicked, please you need jesus i understand your situation, mine is remarkably similar, don't let the social cliches about jesus get to you, start by prayer, you will make it
By anonymous at 27,Nov,12 16:13

Yes! Jesus! He is the Father to the fatherless.


By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 16:22

Hatred will not satisfy your hearts cravings. You have to forgive. Forgiveness is the first step to moving on. You do the drugs bc you have a hard time moving on. Drugs hide your pain. But when the drugs wear off the pain will still be there. Your problems now arent your past, or the drugs, its you. Your stuck in your own thoughts of your past. You have to leave those thoughts behind. I know its tough. Many of us live in misery of our own thoughts. Some hold them in better, some hit the bottle to seek relief, or swallow the pill, the ones that stand up and start walking away from the crap of there life and leave it behind are the ones who are as close to "over their past" as possible but even they have to live with the thoughts and fears as we do too. Good Luck God Bless
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 05:39

*sarcastic tone* I agree, she should forgive her abusive father and her molesting cousin. What she really needs to do is next time something like this happrns she should calll the cops, also she should get into rehab.
By anonymous at 21,Jul,13 18:50

Agreed. Letting scum off the hook never did anyone any good. Child should stay with her mother and disown that part of her idiotic family, tell the cops what happened and send them to prison unforgiven.
By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 22:12 Fold Up

Great post, helped me with my issues, everything u posted..... So true !!!


By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 17:06

It's okay you know what u will be blessed one day
It's hard I know
But ur nice person and just move on
Let them regret later on for wat there doin to you
Get out of there go to the police station tell them to put u safe it's better then wat you have rigthnow
Good luck
:)


By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 21:15

turning away from drugs and turning to God are your best bets. It wont be easy, but it will be worth it. Find a place in your heart to forgive those who did you wrong, or you will never be able to completely move on and recover from your pain.
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 05:42

Addiction only starts mentally, then it becomes a physical dependence, you can't walk away from an addiction unless you're jesus or chuck norris. And forgiving her abusive father and molesting cousin, THAT'LL WORK


By anonymous at 17,Jun,12 10:43

hello`
my name is miss sandal,i saw your profile at www.fishmeetfish.com and interested
in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an
email tomy email address (sandral00134@yahoo.com) or you send me yours
email address so that i will send you my pictures and tell you more about me,
Rememberthe distance, color or language does not matter but love matters a lot
in life
By fishing for suckers at 17,Jun,12 12:46

oh no,,fishmeet,,,scammmer
By anonymous at 09,Dec,12 14:16 Fold Up

Bottom feeder


By harley at 20,Jun,12 15:49

check out my miserable last 18 months,

diagnosed with cancer, had 2 months of chemo, went seriously ill, got re tested they got it wrong and it was a different type of cancer, basically had 2 months of chemo for nothing, then had to have 6 months of the correct chemo, finished in september, got scanned and told the cancer is still there, then in november i was using a chainsaw and hit myself in the foot, put me out of action for a month but thankfully healed ok. then went for fertility tests and got told im totally infertile because of the chemo, then my girlfriend of 12 years leaves me and tells me 3 days ago she is 10 weeks pregnant by some guy she met 2 months ago. the only thing left for me to look forward to in my life is the next stage of cancer treatment which is stem cell transplants which involves a month in hospital. cant wait, at least i get free food.


By anonymous at 02,Aug,12 18:44

I know it hurts. I have a father that abuses me.All of saying is keep living. Things will get better


By anonymous at 30,Aug,12 17:41

Oh honey, noone should ever have to go thru what U have or myself. I was molested my whole childhood, beaten by my father, emotionally rejected by my mother, as I grew up, mom and wife at 15, so traded one abuse for another, I'm now 39 and wanna say life gets better but it hasn't, 3 bad marriages, had 3 beautiful children, lost one to a drunk driver, another one hates me cuz I wasn't rich, so hang on if U can


By anonymous at 25,Sep,12 18:39

I understand what you're going through unfortunately :( my mom emotionally and sometimes physically abuses me. My parents got divorced when I was 8 and even though my dad says he'll be there for me he NEVER is. He just cares more about legal things and money. I'm hated on everywhere by everyone. I even had to switch to online school it got so bad. When I told my mom I was cutting, she just said she didn't need to be bothered with my problems. When I was little she used to lock me in the garage when I misbehaved. The sad part is, i'm only 13 so I can't leave. I've even tried running away but always get caught. Don't worry. You're not alone. I can't say things will get better because that's probably not true. We've been scared and hurt by people who are supposed to love us....but I hope it'll help you knowing that we care for you, because we're in the same position you are.


By KILLUMANATI at 30,Jan,13 05:07

I was molested to by two girl cousins i was 6 years old then when i was 12 my aunt tried to touch my penis this really would affect anybody trust me i will always be affected we live in a sick world by the way im 30 years old


By anonymous at 19,Feb,13 23:39

My heart goes out to you and you have my greatest sympathy. But, Dude, TELL THE POLICE.


By Kadence at 25,Feb,13 18:36

I'm sorry to say this Jay but parents likes yours dont deserve to live ^^, they should die very painful deaths by your hands or rather someone else's - only if you dont like getting your hands dirty I guess. :P


By anonymous at 13,Apr,13 13:42

sorry to hear about your child hood. I dont no why people can do so hateful things to anyone let alone their own kid. I hope u can find better life than that. My boyfriend use to be a real bad alcholic and be verbal and psycically abusive. I use to be every name in the book even though once in a great blue moon he would tell me that i was the best person he ever met. u are right verbal abuse is awful. I had to put him in jail a few times. I hope life gets better for u


By Kade at 06,May,13 00:39

North Christian Church will host a FREE Trunk and Treat on Wednesday, October 31, 2012. A sweet time awaits the etrnie family: decorated cars will be lined up in our parking lot with their trunks full of goodies! This event is an opportunity for Northcrest families to gather in a safe place for trick-or-treating.Participants will park their vehicles in the lot and open their trunks to give out candy and other Halloween goodies. Each family or group may decorate their trunk and the area around their vehicle with appropriate Halloween decorations. There will be a prize for best decorated trunk and a door prize for one voter.In case of inclement weather, children will be able to treat at over a dozen doors inside the church.Those who are interested in decorating their car and handing out treats may contact the church office at 260-482-1596 or Schedule:5:40-7:30 Decorate Bags5:40-8:00 Refreshments Served6:00-8:00 Trunk-n-Treating


By anonymous at 21,Jul,13 19:05

I had to leave my kids with their abusive father, and the reason is because the law would not allow me to take them away from him. They all blame me but there was nothing I could do. I pay for it every single day, but I couldn't take any more. I always hoped that they would go to the police but either they never did or the police patted them on the head and sent them home. I never feel good. I don't enjoy life. I really wish that he would have just killed me. I know how your mother feels. Judges give custody to child molesters and wife beaters every day. Sometimes it's impossible for a battered woman to get out of a relationship like that with her children. Your mother should keep you and you should go to the police wherever you are at and tell them everything. You have a right to a much better life. You both do. Take full advantage of that.


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By Rogue at 27,May,16 13:11

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