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Just telling someone

Posted by anonymous at June 9, 2012
Tags: 2012 June  Juvenile problems

I've never told anyone my story. But I just feel like telling someone who is willing to listen I guess. So I am 14. Yup. I'm young and I might not have it as bad as it feels but whatever. So I grew up in a nice neighborhood, in a nice house with two parents and one brother and one sister. I had some good friends and a particular best friend that I now wish I hadn't become friends with. She got meaner and ruder as we grew up. My family started having money problems and my parents constantly stressed about it. My friend and my birthdays are days apart. So we were exchanging gifts and I didn't get her what she wante because it was too expensive for us. So my friend called me poor and that hurt so much. I still liked her for some odd reason. I was a much better friend to her than she was to me. So anyway fast forward to 6th grade. My parents start fighting and my mom keeps staying out late and not calling us to tell us. She and my dad got into multiple fights. I was the only one at home now because my siblings were much older and have moved out. I would fall asleep crying as my parents fought. I thought in the back of my head that they would divorce but I never really expected them to. Well one night my parents took my brother and me out to dinner and when we went back to our house, they told us the news. My brother got furious and stormed out. I just sat there and cried. My parents tried to comfort me and I pretended I didn't care. But honestly I wanted to storm out too. How could they do this to us? To me? They called my sister and told her. I don't remember much of sixth grade really. The thing I do remember was becoming depressed. My friend stopped hanging around with me because I kept trying to talk to her about my parents' split. I couldn't talk to anyone. Not my parents because I just wanted to cry into someone's arms and yell about how much life sucks. My mom decided to move to the city where she worked which is about 45 minutes from where my dad lived. We sold our house and moved into an apartment. It was arranged that I would be with my mom every other weekend. I honestly hated going to my mom's. It's not that I hate my mom. It was just that every weekend I was there my mom got hammered. She would drink a 6 pack of beers every night. I hated going to the store because my mom would always buy her beer and I would dread going home. She sometimes forgot to feed me dinner and would forget where everything was. It was horrible. She would pass out in her room. Those times scared me the most because I couldn't wake her up. One time I got sick and started vomiting. I tried to wake my mom to help me but she wouldn't wake up. It was just me and her like this every weekend. Some times she would want to go somewhere and I repeatedly asked her if she was good to drive. She said yes but when we got on the road she drove horribly. I prayed and prayed we wouldn't crash. One time we hit a pole and I started crying. I lost a lot of faith in God during this time. Why would he make my parents divorce? Why wouldn't he stop my mom? Why wouldn't he help me? I had no friends and my dad always worried about money. I often thought about suicide through all of this. I planned it multiple times. I even had a date set in seventh grade of when I would kill myself by. I hated going to school because I had to act happy when I wasn't. The summer of sixth grade was the worst. I spent every other weekend at my parents' houses. I had to endure a week of being lonely and crying myself to sleep. My mom started dating someone without telling me. She would go out to see "a friend for an hour or so" and be gone for hours. I would try to call her and she wouldn't answer and I would worry. Eventually she decided to become sober and we moved in to her boyfriend's house. She spends more time with him than me. It's okay. I know I'll never be as close to my mom as I once was. I'm just glad she's sober. So with my dad it's a constant struggle with money. Also he has a woman friend that I absolutely despise. She is bossy and controlling. I ask my dad a question and she answers. I start telling them a story and she interrupts. I hate her. I've told my dad I don't like her and he sees her do this to me yet he continues to invite her over. She's even called me useless and makes me cry almost everytime she comes over. She calls me fat and scolds me. I don't get why my dad likes her. A few months ago I cut myself while I was taking a bath. I did it over and and over and couldn't stop. I cried as I did. I finally understood why people do it. It makes you feel empowered somehow. I put bath salts on it to make it hurt even more. People think I'm happy but I'm not. I'm antisocial, heavy, have no real friends, and I annoy people. I escape into music and drawing. I am happier than I was before but I'm still not the happy carefree 6th grader I used to be. I've gone through a lot and I have the scars to prove it. So don't call me weak. I made it through 3 years of pure hell.


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 13:04

iv been there. it sounds so much like my childhood. i cant say that it gets better, but u got to keep ur chin up. dont cut urself, its not worth the scars. u got ur music. indulge in it. my dad chose his wife over me...twice. it hurts yea, but i feel i am better off without him. and let ur mom work her program. she WILL come around. my mom was the same way. but she got better. a lot better.


By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 14:57

Alot of the time when parents split it may be really hard for kids and they think their parents are not taking there feelings into consideration. But if you really want to understand why your parents have split you need to realize that your parent are more than just your parents. They are people too and have feelings too. Their main role might be to raise you but they have problems and feelings that have to be dealt with and they cant begin to make your lives happy when they themselves are unhappy. Sometimes its not the parent that are selfish it is the children. Your parents are not happy together so stop being so selfish and understand that this is a decision that will be best for everyone. Cutting yourself and making threats of suicide will not bring your family back together and if it does it will be a very bad atmosphere to live in. You are 14 years old grow up and be supportive of your family and work with them. Maybe you can all be happy.
By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 17:09

did you even read the whole thing? thats not what she was trying to do by cutting herself? and its not the kids fault. 14 year olds shouldnt have to "grow up and be supportive" of their parents mistreating her and her mother being an alchoholic.
By anonymous at 23,Jun,12 10:14

superliked ur comment
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 05:30 Fold Up

She was around ten when her parents divorced, no shit she'll cry you troll


By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 15:22

Try Martial Arts - it'll help you get your frustrations out in a healthy way; it will keep you fit physically, psychologically, emotionally, and socially; and it will teach you a potentially useful skill. Join a martial arts club. Strong body, strong mind.

And jog outdoors as often as you can. Jogging always helps.


By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 15:53

You are having a rough adolescence; who knows may be you will have the most rewarding adult life? Work on getting closer to financial independence, then leave your parents and never look back unless you want to. You need to get out of this hole, my sweetie. You will do it. Put all your energy into nurturing yourself and the amazing adult life waiting for you. As they say in the Loreal add, because you deserve it.
By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 15:54

*ad, not add


By anonymous at 15,Jun,12 16:38

my story isnt the same but similar. real dad was only around when he had visitation, he died 3 months after i moved in with him the my mom skipped town 3 months after he died. Both alcoholics. My found my mom 12 years later and still keep in touch. Shes still an alcoholic but i know me seeing and communicating with her helps her a lot. And sometimes its not about yourself. And if I can do something that would make somebody so happy, i would even though Im not so excited. So my advice is time will pass. wounds will heal. scars will remain. but remember scars make you stronger and wiser. learn from your past, let it fuel your future. running or working out does help because the body releases dopamines which is a natural anti-depressent. It will get easier but only if you pick yourself up. good luck god bless


By anonymous at 17,Jun,12 23:31

Well are we just such a cry baby, you're an teenager, everything you feeling is just a phase and you'll get over it. Yes your mother needs to grow up and take her alcoholic ass to rehab. Growing up in a broken home is the reason why some teens rebel against their parents.
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 05:28

Dude, fuck you. This place is for moral support, not for making people feel worse, that's like going to a church and annoucing you're an atheist, dick.
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 15:11 Fold Up

You're an asshole. People like you are pathetic - getting your rocks off by kicking people - children, at that! - when they are down. Your life must suck if you need to make yourself feel better by hurting someone who is alreasy hurting enough.


By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 16:29

Anonymous I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through, I feel for you and I know it's very tough. Apparently your parents depression has no allowed them to see how they are hurting you. I'ts unfortunate to see how many adults are not able to handle the problems they encounter in life. Please be strong and hang in there, this will pass, it's not your fault how your parents decided to deal with things and you are still too young to get a life of your own. When time passes and this hopelessnes fades away, please make the right decision for you and take care of your self, there is hope out there and there will be someone that it's right for you. Just look in the right places, stay away from people that are negative and will only hurt you further, don't engage in the same vicios cicle that your parents have, you don't want this to happen to you. Remember look for people that will bring you something good, start exercising,participate in school activities or volunteer to help the less fortunate, this will give you a different perspective in life. I wish you the best.

Ana


By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 21:25

dude. seriously? u just told my lifes story...wow


By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 10:10

Listen to "tight rope" by Brother Ali and realize you are not alone its ashamed that most adults never grow up and when your old enough to see how society breeds a selfish mentality then you learn to forgive your parents and be able to break this cycle of ignorance when you have children.When a samurai makes a blade it is a long strenuous process to form it and then it is tempered in a series of extreme heat and cold until it becomes as hard as possible nearly unbreakable.think of your situation as the same as the blade once you mature and have been through all that you have endured you will be nearly unbreakable as well.some kids are spoiled and pampered from birth like that pinhead of a friend you once had but Mark my words when I say when she grows up she will be weak and frail minded and will cry over spilled milk at every situation.adapt or die its your choice


By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 23:21

Here whore, I know you only eat penis shaped foods.
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 00:00

hey dont be calling anyone a whore!!!


By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 01:41

damn you make my life seem heaven. Good luck..thats all I can tell you

~Nick
ThoughtsVent.com


By kurbancadirlari at 08,Dec,12 16:27

Danke für dies Angebote, das Thema hat mich interessé in wahrheit viel. Grace within dies Artikel konnte ich beste Sachen entscheident gelernt, alle ich niemals kannte. Danke, bravo oder Respekt.


By Musa at 07,Mar,13 11:06

The eyes are AMAZING! I always caomlpin that my kids eye's never look great because they are brown but now I know I just am not shooting and editing right!


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" asked


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Storified by


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Later this year, Palmer made the most of his opportunity with Jay Cutler and Josh McCown sitting out.org However,"10."I think the public would be extremely supportive of him owning up to an issue, Watt said he was "absolutely convinced" that the mayor can survive the latest scandal if it turned out to be true. would she have been found guilty?" asked


By Hamid at 10,Dec,15 16:37

I can't believe you're not playing with meat-h-t was so helpful.


By Eel at 15,May,17 02:08

Deep thinking - adds a new dinsiemon to it all.


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