I had a sad childhood living like a foster child, house to house,no love, plenty of abuse, sexual, etc. Became promiscuous and rebellious; drugs, drinking, just plain crazy.
At 15 I was going to kill myself, but went to a youth revival and prayed and gave my mess to Jesus. Wow- He really changed me. Then I wanted to help everyone else in pain. Got degree in Counseling and Biblical studies. Thought I might be a missionary. Just wanted to help everyone. Fastforward; married a preacher- then allllll hell broke loose on us. Everyone stabbed us in the back, threatened us, tried to take our churches. Really really hated us. And so many of our loved ones have died. Our hearts have been burned big time. Now my 2 kids left home as teens and denied everything they were taught, my husband is cold and dead to me. He told another lady he loved things about her and kissed her on the hand, like he did our first date- that melted my heart because it was so innocent.
I have looks and talent but it only brings hatred and envy. I have enormous empathy and compassion- yet no one values anything about me. Now I'm thinking of leaving my husband but now he's all lovie dovie and begging for forgiveness. I've been suicidal most of my adult life- and largely due to him. Just want to share since I have no one to talk to. Wish I knew what to do. So sick of pain.