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whats it all for

Posted by chowda at June 9, 2012
Tags: 2012 June  Relationship

I'm 32 and I have always trusted everyone with my heart even when I knew the were thrusting the dagger into my back and this has always cost me tremendously. So wtf is wrong with me. I have a daughter from a horrible marriage, fell into two terrible relationships and then met the woman of my dreams...or was she? I love her more than my own life as well as her four children and now she is about to give birth to my son but extenuating circumstances, at no fault to either of us (well, that is open to interpretation) has caused me to move into a hotel for the past few months. I, like a jackass, went on match to try and find some people to hang out with. Really, a dating fucking dumbass?? How incredibly fucking stupid could I be? I can swear on my life ten times over that it was strickly pleauonic, just wanting friendly company, but seriously, how could I not have thought about how she would have perceived it??!!!!! Well, to shore this up, she found out just after she made an unbelieveable deal to get me back in the house. Simply put, she said the hell with you and go fuck yourself, you are a worthless, lying, deceiving pos and I want nothing to do with you. Can I blame her?? All I wanted was to help raise her four children and my son to be but now I am on my own and all due to my pathetic insecurities about being alone. Don't get me wrong, two months plus in a hotel not being allowed to see the woman that holds my heart was brutal but how could I have been so stupid? Why couldn't I have been stronger? I never even met up with anyone and my profile implicitly said just looking for someone to hang out with, have a cup of coffee with and share simple conversation but what the hell was I thinking? I truly hate myself and my life and wish that I could just go to sleep and never wake up as the one woman who truly holds my heart now vomits just by the sight of me!!!!


Similar Entries:
Whats the point of living February 25, 2012
Not sure what to do... February 18, 2012
my life is no good!! August 4, 2011
untitled story June 2, 2010

New Comment

By Broken's Motha at 14,Jun,12 17:20

Broken was a frail child. When he was born, I noticed that he inherited his fatherís eyes- my brother. At first, all he did was drool, but eventually he started to crawl- backwards. Sadly, the doctorís told us his IQ was never going to improve and that he ought to be placed- but we kept him anyway. To keep him from crawling into the street, I tied him to the mailbox. The children would throw rocks which I thought was funny but too many hit the target, and so I locked him inside. He loved the closet. I would keep him in there for hours. Heíd cry- and I would laugh. My brother denied being Brokenís father, but everyone could tell. When he started to walk, I would push him back down on the floor. It would drive him crazy- but it was good for him and built character. When Broken entered high school his only friend was the janitor. They would hang out all the time down in the basement. He would come home complaining that his ass was sore, but I knew they were just having fun. Eventually it was time for Broken to make his own way out into the world so I kicked him out of the house. He bounced from crack house to crack house- all the while pissing people off. It was amazing! The amount of enemies he accumulated in such a short amount of time! I was so proud- Eventually Broken found a nice cardboard box to call home and had me over for dinner. His specialty was shit stew, and made it with his very own excrement. I am so thankful for the way he turned out- because I was afraid that heíd die. I even took out an insurance policy on his ass, but alas, he lived. But thatís ok. The janitor still visits his box occasionally, and Broken has a good job cleaning toilets at the local park. Itís a shame though, Iím still waiting to have grandbabies to torment- but he seems to be enjoying the janitor too much. Well, I know heís such a hit on here- I just wanted to give you a little inside info on my little bugger- Heíll always be my little mongoloid-
By mercy at 14,Jun,12 17:33

Good day mum, It is so good to know that you care so much for that sheep wanker son of yours. Did he by chance bugger farm animals as a teenager? I hear tell that his cardboard home smells of urine and donkey sperm. Is this true? GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
By broken's asshole at 14,Jun,12 17:51

Bring me more donkey sperm!
By broken at 14,Jun,12 19:09 Fold Up

Lol what the fuck
By anonymous at 14,Jun,12 22:48

no one likes you broken. you are a fucktard and should die in a sperm pool as soon as possible
By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 01:16

By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 06:20


By mercy at 15,Jun,12 16:21

im stupid
By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 08:25

We already know
By Ollie at 20,Jun,12 18:16

You kind sir are the lowest form of pungent filth that lay at the bottom of an englishmans outhouse. You are more putrid than fungal exasperations emitting their aromatic nostril burning stench. More pestiferious than the moldy toe jam of an unkept 92 year old locked in the family closet. More sour than the sweat that resides on a coal miners asscrack. How could you! If I did this sort of rotteness, I would be ashamed to admit it.

By Dr. Joe at 15,Jun,12 19:01

From what has been said in this forum I would say everyone is not to far off of profiling this monster. To further this I would perceive this man is of good looks and charming nature, to which is the initial attraction between a male and female. That being said the problem lays deep in the recesses of this mans psyche where by he feels he is a mans women and can have whom ever he chooses . The main problem is what is happening to the others involved and the apparent pain he is causing other human beings. His best bet is to remain single and have a number of girlfriends with out commitment. In his mind he wants the sanctity of a family and relationships but at the same time masturbates chronically to who knows what type of porn and want to meet other unknowing ladies for , well he states platonic friendships. You cannot have both. You kind sir are human excrement floating down the sewer and gather in your cesspool shithole of a hotel room. Floating maggot infested fecal matter polluting the clean waters of the lives of innocent women and children
By anonymous at 16,Jun,12 01:17

very poetic
By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 19:55 Fold Up

No men "of good looks" do not go for worn out old whores with four kids, he probably looks like a foot fungus.

By Inmate at 17,Jun,12 20:46

Wow. I read all of these to try and feel better about the mess I've gotten myself into and all it really does is make me angry. You wanna talk about hard knocks Nancy? I'm serving tens years for a crime I didnt commit in a shit hole where I top bunk with a six and a half foot man who refers to himself as Drago who is constantly trying to tongue punch my fart box. I just ate a meal I can't identify through taste or sight and am forced to clean the floors of the semen coated showers..........however in hindsight things aren't looking that bad right now........I only have nine and a half years left of this shit. You've fucked every single minute of every day of the rest of your life. Maybe I'm not doing so bad after all. Thanks for the unintentional insight!
By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 21:38

You have internet access, wtf
By Inmate at 20,Jun,12 01:26

Just like getting everything else in jail, there is drugs alcohol. Guards rent iPhones to inmates with there own Internet access, only like for one night if you have the money. But it's worth it to be able to chat with people on the outside. Of course this is not legal

By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 07:08

Here are 3 surefire secrets to baking a delicious cake.

1. Baking is a science. 
If the recipe says measure it, measure accurately and well. You have to read the steps and do the method. And while youíre at it, have fun!

2. When in doubt, scrape.
 Bakers have a saying: ďBakers scrape.Ē By that, I mean that when youíre mixing in a stand mixer, some ingredients can collect at the bottom and sides of the bowl and not be fully incorporated into whatever it is that youíre mixing.

3. Freeze it.
 Freezing a freshly baked cake is one of the best things you can do. It seals in the moisture (cakes tend to dry out in the refrigerator) and if you plan to ice and/or decorate the cake, youíll have an easier time because freezing will keep it firm.

Bonus Cake Trimming Tip:
 To cut a cake in half horizontally, first set it on your work surface. Bend down so that the cake is at eye level and apply pressure with your free hand to the top and rotate the cake against the knife for a nice, even cut.

*** Seriously, stop being an ass and take your relationships seriously. Regardless is she takes you back or not, be responsible and take care of your son.
By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 19:57

Thank you for this comment, I have no doubt my next cake will turn out better for it.

By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 21:05

This man has not admitted to not being a chronic masturbater as it is mentioned quite a few times, I thought it was for joking purposes, but he never defended that issue. Being addicted to porn is a tough one to break and it only makes you search out the type of women you see in these films or clips. Good luck brother, you are in a hell of a place especially if she is computer smart and able to see all the sites you were on, that must be the reason she kicked you out, if it was something simple you could have worked it out. I am a biker, I break the law at times doing what I have to do for my club. However we follow moral laws and care for our women (when in a committed relationship) especially a women that carries my baby, I am totally committed and a good father , you see that's why we have family visit us if we ever end up in jail. Lawbreaker but respected by my family. I keep getting madder as I retread you selfish are a disgrace to what the sense of the word man is ya studderin prick
By anonymous at 18,Jun,12 23:09

what is wrong with you people? cant you see our friend here needs help? A liitle bit of compasion and love goes a long way for those of us who are down. its not always easy to make the right choices in life, especially if you are a fanaticly masterbating two bit whoremastering cocksucker like our friend here. Please have some respect for him as he tries to pull things together (though at this point I cant see him doing so with any degree of success) stay strong my friend.

By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 11:36

Guys like you are the problem with dating websites. Jerkoffs like you who go on those sites and PRETEND to be single when you have a pregnant wife at home. Then you meet another woman and drag her into your nonsense. Of course you lie and say you're single when you're not. You're despicable, you don't deserve anyone. Fuck you.
By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 21:40

So true!
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 06:44 Fold Up

LOL! I was thinking the same thing but without the swear words.
By anonymous at 29,Jul,12 18:01 Fold Up

Not all of us guys lie and not all of us guys can get girlfriends for your information. Finding a pretty AND friendly girl or woman to date is damn near impossible as they are ALMOST EXTINCT. And when I do find one they are ALREADY TAKEN. Theres no one out there for me and Im forever lonely. Most of you girls and women are cold cruel aloof UNFRIENDLY selfish unkind uncaring vain moneycentered materialistic heartless assholes. There is a male movement in this country called True Forced Loneliness. Look it up for yourself on the Internet. And there are countless thousands of lonely guys such as myself all over this country and all over the world. Its a cruel fucked up world ruled by the Devil. The human race is a lost cause. Its hopeless.
By anonymous at 30,Jul,12 21:30 Fold Up

And fuck you you money centered degenerate asshole woman.
By anonymous at 30,Jul,12 21:37

My comments are not going in the right order. This is frustrating and can cause confusion and misunderstanding. When I wrote the above comment and fuck you you money centered degenerate asshole woman its directed for the nasty slut above complaining how men lie on dating sites. Not all of us guys lie you ignorant slut. Not all of us guys have girlfriends you fucking ignoramus. Your an example of why I dont have a girlfriend and why I hate women.

By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 13:54

Damn you caused all this. What is wrong with you. Seems like you have some problems with your brain


By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 22:55

This story has been up for ages. Has the moderator gone on holiday or something?
By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 23:27

may be the moderator is on vacation in europe? may be his/her/their life does anything but suck?
By Administrator at 19,Jun,12 23:43

This will remain open as long as comments come in.

By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 23:16

You're so damn stupid. Why the fuck would you do that. If you already had someone in your life, why would you go on a dating site even to make friends, that's what Facebook, Twitter and the rest of that shit for. You deserve to be alon. She did the right thing by leaving a pathetic loser like you.

By anonymous at 19,Jun,12 23:24

Here bastard, I know you only eat pussy shaped foods.

By Doctor Jim Fraser at 20,Jun,12 01:40

Although there is nothing abnormal or unhealthy about masturbation from a medical point of view, some people have strong religious, cultural or moral objections to the practice. For those who hold these values, choosing not to masturbate is normal, too. There is nothing weird, odd, or unhealthy about this choice.

In most cases, masturbation is a normal, harmless sexual activity. Masturbation won't cause undo fatigue. Sex is not strenuous.

Although there is no simple rule about how much masturbation is too much, it is generally considered to be compulsive if masturbation becomes time consuming; interferes with a person's daily routine, work or social functioning; continues despite no longer being pleasurable or gratifying; places the individual at risk of physical harm, or has legal or personal consequences.

This obsessive masturbation may be just one of several different compulsive sexual behaviors, including sexual promiscuity and a compulsive fascination with pornography. In adults and adolescents, compulsive masturbation can also be a symptom of addiction to cocaine or methamphetamine. I believe all these issues have led to this dirty son of a cuntlapper to his destination. A hole of a hotel room, no job, no life and perhaps he did feel love for the poor women in this true story. However his disease is prompting him to continue searching for an Internet line to connect to like a junky trying to score heroine, just a professional opinion, thanks Jim

You should seek an appointment with a psychiatrist, psychologist or sex therapist. If no clear trigger for the behavior is found, some doctors will treat the patient with psychiatric medications called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) although this is not appropriate for everyone. This family of drugs includes fluoxetine (Prozac), sertraline (Zoloft) and paroxetine (Paxil).
By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 04:53

Who said anything about him fucking himself. Are you a real doctor, or you're just another idiot that trying too write under different names.

By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 10:30

Indeed I am Dr. James Milton Fraser DDS practices general dentistry in Port Huron, Michigan.. although a dentist, I do have my interest in reading at this site and posting if I can try to help, thanks Jim

By anonymous at 20,Jun,12 23:55

batman ate me children

By Cursed at 21,Jun,12 09:39

I'm gonna write a story so we can get some new material here- this post is dead.

By anonymous at 21,Jun,12 20:16

Hell no this mutha fucka is just getting started curse, I hear you shave your puss, is that true?

By anonymous at 05,Jul,12 03:01

eat dick

By anonymous at 09,Aug,12 16:24

Most girls and women suck. Theyre cold aloof unfriendly vain money centered immoral amoral ruthless heartless assholes. Fuck them. I dont care about them. Theyre cruel and evil. Theyre vapid scum.

By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 23:09

And my final comment to all you dirtbags who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

By felicia at 02,Dec,12 04:02

Hi my name is Felicia, I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Prophet Zanzibar has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost family to me with his great spell, i was married to this man called John we were together for a long time and we loved our self?s but when i was unable to give he a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can?t continue anymore then i was now looking for ways to get he back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email, then you wont believe this when i contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back and after a month i miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Zanzibar for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact he today on his mail and he will also help you as well.

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