I wrote myself off a wrong time ago. @ age 21 i'm still living at my moms house, i'm a highschool grad with no life, and $1200 to my name.I'm planning to move about 350 kilometers (215 miles) in the next couple of months; to find a fresh start in a new city and begin searching for a job. I have no recent job experience, no references, very low self esteem/confidence. I'm worried about being judged poorly/disliked, it's the same reason why I seldom leave this house ever in life. That and because I have behaved like someone who is mentally ill, there is no other way to explain it.
I guess what worries me is that I wont be able to function normally like any healthy person would. Like i'll show up to work tweaking or i'll get drunk and start arguing furiously about religion. or I will make a bad impression in some other way and inevitably become an object of disdain to many if not all those who encounter me on a professional level day to day.
but just say perhaps I can hold down a job reasonably comfortably without being completely inept and stressed out, then I still worry about being a social failure. I don't know how to treat people, I'm lonely. thats about it for now.
I kind of feel like im i'n over my head, that I'm just a ignorant boy and I dont know things I aught to know, that I'm going to make some terrible mistake and really fuck up my mind and or my life.