I'd write a novel, if I were any good with words. This is probably not even gonna make sense.
I feel like, on a daily basis I disappoint my family, my friends, my bosses, even my landlady. I am lazy, disorganized. I quit high school -twice, and have a lot of debts to pay off, so I work two shit jobs that I hate. I would also be quite intelligent, but selfmedicating when bipolar with ADHD doesn't really help. (I blame it on the abortion my mother had, when I was a foetus. Ah well, at least they only got my twin, not me, huh?)
But what is wrong with this world? I just hate everything I see, every person (specially men- daddy didn't love me either), every building, everything manmade. I see this crappy world around me, things and people of bad taste. Basically, everything is so dull, ugly and uncomfortable. People faking happiness, love, interest and personalities. I am myself of those, but mostly just because I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings, it's just too damn annoying dealing with them. All this dumb doing what "you're supposed to" makes no sense to me, I was born into this preshaped world, formed by time and all the past generations of humans- evolution. But I hate this world it has become, this world they have made for us. We didn't have a saying in anything. I find myself in this landscape of concrete and TV screens, ads, fake breasts, fake smiles, laws, rules, regulations, terms, contracts and commitment. People dream of absurd things, such as cars, marriage and kids. People killing each other over imaginary friends that they call God or Allah (or whatever). People starving on one side of the planet all the wile on the other side they throw millions of tons of food into the trash. We burn down millions of acres of forest, hunt down entire species, animals and plant that we DEPEND on!
And everyday, all I hear is you should do this, get that, smile, buy this, go there, look like that. Pretend like you're not dying on the inside from all the pain you see and feel. Either break your back for the stupid, pretend you're one of them, or be the lazy delusional outcast.
Sometimes the need for revolution burns so deep inside of me, it's literally breathtaking. Why doesn't anyone see or admit to themselves that the way things work now, NOBODY can be happy? I'm not suggesting any solutions, I'm saying fighting is pointless. I'm hopeless.
Because I am the quintessence of what is wrong with the world, I hope that everyone who reads this, despises me. Because I despise you in just the same way.