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Gloomy prospects suck. Seeing imminent failures ahead...

Posted by Embodiment of Negativity at June 11, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 June  Juvenile problems

My biggest fear is that I am in some way stupid. What ever I do, it turns out to be wrong. I do things sometimes with good intentions others with selfish ones and whatever I do and however I turn, I somehow end up being wrong. I hate my life. I hate my job. I sometimes hate myself and the fact that I'm such a screw up. I have no motivation. I have no passion for anything constructive. I am not depressed but I am unhappy. I have minimal social life in that a bunch of us guys gather in the weekend and have LAN parties (multiplayer gaming). I am going through life like a zombie. I am semi-dead. I go to work, hope the day goes by without any major screw ups then I go home and eat dinner, play video games while listening to self help (self-help is to give myself a sense of hope, even if it is false), dread that tomorrow I will have to go to work again, sleep and repeat the same thing all over again.

I know that I have it better than some. At least I have a job and it's a miracle I haven't been fired yet. Still I'm not happy. Everyday I think I am going to get fired that day and sometimes I want to take the initiative and quit myself because the anticipation of being fired is killing me. I want to take myself out of the game but I don't know what to do afterwards. I'm not even looking for another job, that's how unmotivated and depressed I am. I sort of think that I am undeserving of good things and am sabotaging myself to take away from myself anything I don't feel I deserve.

Not having a sense of control over my life and the fact that my existence is dependent on other people liking me is killing me especially because my experience shows that I am not that likable of a person. I was never popular in school and I am introverted. I don't like to meet people. I don't even socialize electronically. I want to start my own business. I know I would make much less money, probably even lose money but at least I would have some sense of control over my life.

My parents love me a lot and I wouldn't take my life, ever. My dad has sacrificed everything to get us where we are now and it would be unfair to him if I commit this act of selfishness.

I am fantasizing that somehow things will get better, but I know it won't. I don't know what to do and even if I did, I lack the energy to follow through my decisions.

Lastly, to all that are going to curse and tell me to die, please leave your comments to yourselves. The only reason anyone would do this is that he/she relates with what I am saying and is projecting his/her hate of him/herself towards me. I am writing it for sympathy, advice is welcomed but I want to see if anyone can relate. Am I alone feeling like this or are there people who have the same general feelings? Feel free to comment, however kindly refrain from cursing and/or projecting your hate towards me.

The greatest quote I have read from this site by a fellow member goes like this "not everyone was put on this earth to be happy". Best of luck to all.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
life sucks, whatever May 23, 2010
Yeah life does suck! August 9, 2010
Yeah..My life sucks as well September 18, 2010
Fucked up life anyone could have asked for. May 12, 2011
One thing after another June 4, 2010



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 21,Jun,12 18:13

that quote fits with me too.
F-ck, to think there is someone perfect for us out there that can change everything, and we will probably never meet it.
Good luck to you pal, we all need good luck here.


By anonymous at 21,Aug,12 16:10

And let me also add. Fuck girls and women. Most of you are evil scum.


By anonymous at 22,Aug,12 19:29

Satan the Devil rules this fucked up world of ours. A loving God does not.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 02:10

and my final comment to all of you who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.


By anonymous at 27,Nov,12 14:01

Hi dude,
I feel the same, every day comes and goes but nothing changes, I feel like a biological robot unable to get outside of his programmed behavior, life happens to me - i don't have control over it nor motivation to start off, very anxious and irritated, you are lucky to have a job I am jobless 2 years. Still not that bad really.


By anonymous at 31,Jan,14 18:55

You'll make it through. Go read poetry by Dickinson. Go try to learn how to roller skate. Go find an interest and follow it. Follow your heart. Death is never the answer. Bloodshed is never the answer.


By Josue at 10,Dec,15 16:53

On October 3, thirty high soochl students from Mount Si's Key Club visited the homes of two elderly folks in North Bend. Armed with gloves, garden tools, and determination ..they set out to offer assistance to these homeowners where the labor had simply become too big an obstacle. The students split and stacked firewood, trimmed overgrown bushes and hedges, brought garden beds back to objects of beauty, raked leaves, and filled an enormous trailer with discarded and rotting lumber that was taken to the dump. The best part of this endeavor was the smiles and hugs given by the homeowners to these high soochl Key Clubbers. That so many showed up at their homes to Pay it Forward was overwhelming and one of the most heart-warming experiences I have seen. Way to go Mount Si Key Club!


By Lion at 10,Dec,15 19:31

For me this is a relatively easy quietson, but has a pretty complex answer. The specialty I have actually looked forward to working with is OB/GYN. I find that the ability of a woman's body to produce a child, endure the amount of abuse it takes during a pregnancy, and the amount of pain endured during delivery is amazing. The joy of being able to be present as life enters the world is truly one of the greatest moments in life. To me that would be the best possible option. I also would love working in the operating room with a surgeon. I have experienced the OR quite a few times, and have been on both sides of the table. I have to say I would love to work with any surgeon in the OR except for Orthopedics. The reason behind that is the surgery's are pretty brutal when it comes to the skeletal system. Having been in the OR with an Orthopedic surgeon and seeing the use of the saws, hammers and other heavy equipment in order to perform the surgery just sends chills up my spine. I know that type of surgery is not for me. I think my favorite surgeries have to be that of the abdominal cavity. The specialties that I would least like to work for are few, and for simple reasons. Pediatrics is not a specialty for me since I have four children of my own. My Aunt is a neonatal nurse practitioner and I followed her in high school and saw the good, the bad, and the ugly so I can honestly say I could not emotionally handle that type of position. Podiatry is also an area I could not see myself working. The reason behind this is pretty silly, but here goes, I very much dislike other peoples feet especially if they are not well kept. I know in the medical field you will encounter feet on a daily basis, but I could not mainly work with feet on an everyday basis. My last specialty is Orthopedics for the reasons I noted above about the barbaric nature of the surgeries and treatments for the musculoskeletal system. Its just not for me.


By Rayshelon at 15,May,17 02:18

I like to party, not look aritcles up online. You made it happen.


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