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want to die

Posted by cygnusmom at June 11, 2012
Tags: Death  2012 June  Tragic Events

the pain of losing my son to suicide...and the guilt and confusion and shock of it have weighed so heavily on me that it makes me want to escape from the pain..i don't want to hurt others, but i'm finding that i cannot envision a life with any happiness at this point. so i want to leave this world. and i hope...though its probably futile, that if i leave this world, that i can see,or feel the presence of my son again. i want to die. but i'm not sure how to do it w/out hurting others...how to make it look like an accident...


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By Cursed at 21,Jun,12 13:01

Awww- honey, I am so sorry for your loss. How tragic. But killing yourself isn't going to magically going to connect you with your son. You are definitely suffering from depression and ought to go to the doctor fast. The depression is not going to go away- and with a little help from an anti-depressant it can make your life tolerable again. You don't have to take them forever. Just long enough to get out of the terrible place you must be in? Again, I am so sorry. Although I have never lost a child, I did lose a sister at a tender age, and my mother has never been the same. I helplessly watched her suffer (being too young to offer any assistance) She would cry, day after day. It was hell. And I am sure that you are feeling quite the same. A hug to you my friend- please, do not do the deed. You will hurt EVERYONE around you- and it won't bring your son back.
Cursed


By anonymous at 21,Jun,12 17:13

Yes please seek help. I lost my Husband to Suicide on Valeentines Day 2012. I was trying to be "strong" and heal myself and all that. I've now been on Zoloft for about 12 weeks, it dosn't take everything away but makes it tolerable. We were married 18 years to the day and even though its different with children I have to say he was the love of my life. Don't do anything that will harm everyone involved.


By anonymous at 22,Jun,12 06:15

Have an assisted suicide. Convince a friend to help you commit suicide using a helium mask. The helium displaces the oxygen and you go into a deep sleep where you don't wake up from. 15 minutes and you are dead. Totally painless. Then your friend just removes the mask and there is no trace that you committed suicide. the helium just dissipates and your dead body only remains.

Think very hard before you take this step. If you like, read "Time Warrior" by Steve Chandler. This book is a time management book but it helped cure my depression. I started becoming productive and the depression slowly turned into confidence. Maybe it will help you as well.

And if you don't work, I recommend you take up a profession. It gives you something to focus on and distracts you from the pain. If you are alone, you will wallow in guilt and self pity.
By anonymous at 27,May,13 19:06

Really dude? dont help people kill them selves. God...are you stupid or just want other people to be as messerable as you are.


By anonymous at 06,Jul,12 11:43

I lost my husband to suicide two years ago, I have two young children who lost heir daddy. I too had thoughts of killing myself, it was then that I understood how my husband must have been feeling. People in my life tried to understand but i felt like an alien because as much as they tried to understand they couldnt. I was fortunate to find a suicide bereavement support service, and in the early days it was important to be in contact with others who have lost loved ones to suicide it helped me survive. This grief is complicated grief. After resisting for a long time I ended up going on antidepressants, I still see a counsellor regularly. To admit that I couldn't go through this grief without help was the best thing I could do for myself and my children. I miss Him everday still, but I don't spend as much time as I used to thinking about whether I could have done anything differently. I still struggle with accepting how my life has changed but my devastation is less and my pain comes and goes. In my lfirst year without my husband a friend asked if I had felt any glimpses of happiness yet, I remember thinking no and i too couldnt imagine feeling happy again. But since then those moments have come, and I tell myself to trust that those moments will grow. Those of us who are victims of suicide do have different experiences but we also share common thoughts and feelings, I urge you to reach out to a suicide bereavement support service or support group or to seek grief counseling and perhaps you too will find this helps you to feel less alone in your grief. I hope that sharing my experience has been helpful, and I hope that from the comments of the people who have responded that you hear others do understand your pain and can send you healing love.


By anonymous at 17,Jul,12 19:44

i agree suicide not the answer can believe saying it i tempted many times what i had died now mother be here like you and anyone else cares about y ou seek help not the answer


By anonymous at 21,Jul,12 13:01

station yourself before a train or a macktruck or dehydrate yourself to death
By anonymous at 04,Jul,13 13:32

What an asshole you are. Let's hope YOU never need a sympathetic ear or comfort. Jerk.


By anonymous at 30,Aug,12 04:51

Please hang in there i too lost my son so i know your pain.
I take it day by day in my heart my son tells me how much he loves me still... He forever changed my life for him as well as my other children i live to see another day. I too long to hold him have him wrap his arms around me like a lil monkey as he use to i have alot of changes to make to get through heavens gates just to be with him i know he will be there & so will I. PLEASE ignore evil people ignorance is so sad misery or happiness peace with your son eternal life its up to us i pray for you your son is still with you all around you guiding you remember love true unconditional love if you open your heart peace will find you if you pray & believe you will see for yourself please hang in there im here i read your story i feel your pain so i understan how you feel but you are stronger then you even know take care i use to tell my baby "if you believe you shall succeed.


By anonymous502.myopenid.com at 20,Mar,13 22:07

while i understand that the loss of someone very close to you can be very painful and difficult to overcome I do not see that loss as being bad enough for you to end your life. the fact of the matter is that all the time every day we all know that we are alive and in the back of our mind that we or anyone we love could be dead the next second. i have experienced soo much loss as well and i know life is not for granted and that making the best of it that we can while we are here is really all we can do. but knowing that and preparing for carrying on with life without your loved one until its your turn for eternal sleep. that's what we should do. your son would be very sad if he knew that his suicide caused his mom to commit suicide herself. you dont want to make your son sad do you? he would be happy knowing that your living on in his memory and making the best out of life that you can. still smiling and having fun despite all the bad that we all go through. endure. your not the only one that wishes they were dead sometimes. i do that all the time because life does suck. but i hold on for the slim chance that good will come into my life. it happends a little bit once in a blue moon ya know?
By anonymous at 04,Jul,13 13:57

It's different when it's your child. That HAS to be the absolute worst thing that anyone can experience. Takes a bit longer to "come back" after something like that, I am sure.


By anonymous at 08,Mar,14 12:54

Pray to jesus and will will give you purpose/ i am so sorry for your loss/ but god still has a purpose for you don't quit


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By Jeneva at 20,May,16 01:53

It's good to get a fresh way of looinkg at it.


By I feel your pain at 02,Nov,16 01:55

I too wish I was dead. My Mother died in 1999 from cancer she suffered her whole life from severe mental illness after all the horrible mental and physical abuse from my father. Back in the 60's people were just told to keep all the stuff in the dark and in the closet. My Mother ended up shooting and killing my Sister 10 years old and killing her, shooting both of my brothers ages 9 and 7 and when she tried to shot my sister age 3 the gun jammed. She never, got proper help. She was pregnant for me at the time. Anyway, she never got convicted because of all the abuse. She had 9 babies but only 5 lived because he used to beat her so bad. Anyway, it's a very long story, very, very long. So, on and on I have PTSD after my Mom shot herself in the head (she lived believe it or not) I also suffer from severe depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, paranoia, personality disorder, you name it I got it. My doctors refuse to give me anything strong enough to keep me calm they say because I'm a recovering alcoholic! they tell me I'll never get better and i see that i'm only getting worse. I'd rather be dead than live like this. I just can't do it anymore. Don't let anyone fool you that going to a shrink will help!!! There is no help out there - they want me to do something drastic like my mom did damn it! They don't listen until you do!!!!!! God Damn it!!!


By I feel your pain at 02,Nov,16 01:59

It was my father who beat her all the time. And my asshole brother said she liked it. His name is Bill Parkis and he actually believes that a pregnant woman enjoys being beaten he should be beaten to a pulp just for thinking that the fucking asshole!!!


By Spud at 15,May,17 03:03

Me dull. You smart. That's just what I neeedd.


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