I am suffering from some anxiety that I may be fired from my job. I think I will get fired from my job because I put very little effort into it. I procrastinate on projects. I usually hand it in late and when the boss is not around I just slack off completely not even considering the fact that I am expected to work and show some results regardless of the fact that she may or may not be there. My boss still likes me for a reason and doesn't really expect too much of me (thank god! otherwise I would have gotten fired months ago). The thing is that I "have" to work and when there is no one around to enforce it, I rebel by not working at all, sort of like a silent protest. I know it may be childish but I think this is the reason why I don't work as much as I should, I don't like being forced to do anything I don't want to do or is not pleasurable in some way.
As for my personal life, I dislike socializing to the core. I hate being considered part of a group, I hate small talk, and I hate seeing people pretending and putting up a fake front whenever the group size increases more than 4 people. So my PR is almost non-existent. I even dislike socializing through FB. I wouldn't mind closing the door of the room and not getting out for a month. Actually I think I would quite enjoy it.
I would like to have my own business (I have a couple of ideas, well mainly two which I will not disclose here as they are irrelevant to the post) but I would not start the business unless I get fired or I get deeply stressed at work. I put in 7 years learning to play the keyboard and I got quite good at it but I lost interest eventually and stopped playing. I could use my skills to generate extra income after work by tutoring but I never seem to take the initiative to market my services.
I have no gf because I don't socialize, ever. I don't remember when the last time was when I met a new woman. To be honest, I don't mind not having a gf. I kind of like being alone. Not for freedom or finances, I just like being alone. I know that's a bit weird, but that's just how I am. More women for you guys out there. Enjoy.
So in the end, career is not going anywhere, social life not going anywhere and I'm not really working on anything significant that might turn my life around. It is not that i don't have the time or that I have a crap load of debt on my shoulders. I live with my parents, so all the money I make goes to my savings account, I have no debt and I know that eventually my dad's house will be my own. I will survive in all cases, I will never go hungry but it does not seem I will thrive or have massive success in any important area of my life.I just don't feel like putting in the effort to get the success I can get. I think I a simply lazy and I don't really want to put in the effort and go through the hardship to get my like on the track. Would it be that bad if I do not thrive and merely survive? Can anyone relate? I don't know, I know it would be more fulfilling to take the high road but I just don't seem to have the energy.
Please refrain from using curses or death wishes for me. There are severely disturbed people on this site that think a person is bad for being raped and molested as a child or that grieving for a lost family member is somehow bad and should not happen. If you relate to what I write, have some story you would like to share about yourself, you have some advice, some book you would like to recommend, go ahead. Just refrain from bashing the post, I know I don't have it that bad, I don't need any contempt for it. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. Best of luck to you.