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aint no rest for the wicked, unfortunate that we grow on trees.

Posted by lonely looser at June 14, 2012
Tags: 2012 June  Unemployment

I'm 21 years old, I have been employed roughly 3 months out of the last 4 years. Today at 10:27am I was overtaken by fear, and my plan to go job hunting wich hours ago was coupled with enthusiasm and anticipation is now wrought by despair and in serious doubt. This has happened more than a few times before. I make solid plans to look for work but now as always I start worrying about what people will think of me and it's unsettling, discomforting even disturbing. My best guess is that my deep seated fear is a result of being routinely terrorized by my father while still a very young child. I've been in some sort of traumatized stupor for my entire life. Now I just feel like the wax coating on a roll of cheese; a plastic shell D:
I suppose it's a moral weakness that keeps me in the same old slump. I think that maybe when ones family lets them down they cease to give anyone else the chance. the only deep relationships I'v had are the first ones. I only ever got close to my family, people who have hurt me trumendously. I live a bitter, lonely terribly painful life with no respite. I am nothing in life, I know no one. and worse still, the entire city knows that I'm a nutty fuck-tard. I've made that very clear with a lifetime of odball behavior and five years filled with the crem de la creme of neurotic, narcissitic, depraved ramblings, complaints over the top screams and crazed writings that I've posted on facebook and emailed/fb to people. It's literally a nightmare, It's me sitting here in my tiny room alone for years, dying of sorrow and anguish and regret.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 24,Jun,12 04:42

It breaks my heart to hear of people being lonely, I hope things get better for you. If you're 21 it sounds like you're on the cusp of those rough years that can last past being a teenager. Sending prayers your way, hang in there!


By anonymous at 24,Jun,12 18:51

Being alone really sucks doesn't it. It's no fun and I can't see how people who does like being alone likes it that way. Even talking to people online isn't better because they aren't actually there.


By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 01:09

This post is so accurate to the way things have been going with me since i was born. even down to age and the tiny room part! your not alone, i feel you. (literally)
By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 11:59

the tiny room part was in a different post. you're probably one of the dicks who spy on me and remotely access my pc
fuck off
stop spying on me
i don't want to be watched
By lonely at 27,Jun,12 12:07 Fold Up

sorry. that was stupidity and paranoia talking
there are people who remotely access my pc
i scanned my story like 3 times and i missed the part at the end where i said that
yea its hell.
today i tried to go out again
i overdress to the extreme because im insecure so i start sweating and just cook. was supposed to apply for another job today,
cant do it because i went outside just to walk around the block and was probably seen by 300-500 people
It drives me up the wall to be walking on the sidewalk, with so many people passing by and I'm terrified that they all know about my past,
I cant take the bus
and cant bike
it doesn't even matter
i don't have any appropriate shirts to take to a on the spot interview.
I'm sorry to hear that you have had a similar experience in life
Ya my father is just some religious nut asshole who never got along with anyone his whole life and my family life was hell growing up and I quickly became a very strange person with fucked up thought patterns and processes
I'm trying to get on welfare, or something so i can at least pay rent for a while anyways and not be a total parasite
I worry that I will never be able to function normally
that i will never fit in
never be happy
By FBI Survaillance at 12,Jul,12 01:18

We are watching you Toddo, every step you take, every move you make, and every cp site you've been on. It's coming.


By anonymous at 27,Jun,12 12:13

O and she wants to charge me 500 bucks, it's not even a room, its a storage closet, the only ventilation is plugged up because it leads to the garage and lets in a lot of noise pollution (sound of passing cars) so i have this big fucking computer in here and i cant even shut the door without this little fucker turning into a goddamn sauna,
I piss away all night, sleep all day. I've been watching videos on exit bags and such helium suicide hoods. this life isn't worth the pain.
I cant just hope that things will get better when they wont, and continue to suffer
but i cant go outside
see I'm torn up because i really want a better life but i am powerless to have one because I'm not right in the head.


By stan at 27,Jun,12 22:36

Congratulations, you have just taken the first step toward becoming a dreg of society. Your main goal on a daily basis will be to pick enough cans and bottles to afford a bottle of Night Train or Thunderbird wine. Liquid crack as known on the street. At night you and the boys will sit around a burning barrell of garbage to discuss life. This is a society unto its self. The next morning with a grueling hangover you beg for handouts get a coffee and start all over again, good luck Stan
By anonymous at 28,Jun,12 23:24

looool nooooo. i want a job. i want to be a person who works.


By anonymous at 02,Jul,12 03:43

Go to peaceful pill handbook dot com and see about ordering a helium hood aka exit bag. seems to be a great way to do it, you just lose consciousness very fast and then drift away. off yourself peacefully, just assemble it, crinkle the bag up on top of your head so there is no air in it, open the tank and exhale then pull the hood down over your head and take a deep breath in, you will pass out almost instantly and never wake up.
may you find peace


By anonymous at 28,Dec,12 01:16

i am worst form of our type and things has been made worst by responsibilities, i am living worst


By anonymous at 09,Aug,13 02:44

I understand, I'm the thorn in everyone's side. I'm sorry and know my love goes out to you. I go and stay downtown when I can make it. It seems like today might be the day of inevitability. sorry


By take a look at it! at 24,Oct,13 17:33

fZmHPy A round of applause for your blog.Thanks Again. Really Great.


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