In Office Space where Peter tells the hypnotherapist that everyday is the worst day of his life, that is how I am feeling right now. The strangest thing is that everything in my life is great. I have just graduated from University, landed one of the best jobs in my field, I have a great family and a great girlfriend but I am completely miserable. I feel so trapped by their expectations of me, but what is worse I am trapped by my expectations for myself. There is a major disjunction between who I am and the life that I am living. I don't know how much longer I can keep this charade up. I have tried so long to fake it until I make it, but it seems I have wasted so much of time and wronged so many people the way I have behaved and squandered so many opportunities to truly be happy, to truly be myself. I want to run away from everything, but I know that would a futile attempt because the person I want to run away from is myself, and no matter how far I go I know he will eventually catch up to me.
I have long been contemplating what exactly I want to escape from but I come up empty handed with results and so I am left with this feeling of complete helpless misery. I can graduate from school, find a good job, convince people to love me and like my company but in pursing all these frivoles goals I must have missed something important. Something important but how to live, about how to be happy with myself. I know how fortunate I am, born in a first world country with affluent parents who care about me, but still I have let them down, I have let myself down, maybe the expectation of being happy is too much for me. But these thoughts have thrown me into very deep depression like I am trying to climb a hill of ice, never to reach to top, only to make my way up a bit and then slip back down. | |
If you're honest, then I think you go with the tits option, but if not then I'd like to punch you so hard that when you come back from next week you can give me the mega millions power ball lotto number so we can win all those millions.
Also, stop calling it university. It's college. You sound like either a Canadian or a fag.
I would hate you, but you already hate yourself as much as you can be hated, so I'll save my hate for someone else.
may you find peace
Go and rot in your grey, vapid world stripped of any iota of authenticity. Or have gay buttsex, it's fucking underrated.
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