So i am 20 now. 2 parents, 2 sis, 1 brother. Let's start back then in school. Bad choice of friends. I only had one, and was manipulative. I was weak and simply wanted to have someone to rely on, you know, an actual friend, but he simply wouldn't care about me, and i would cry about that. The hell i passed was not a thing a kid should suffer. Psychologists, having no friends, being laughted upon every day. Imagine having to sit alone during brakes because no one likes you. Praying that the teacher wouldn't ask to get in pairs for a work, all this for years and years. It may sound not that bad, but i would come home and lock myself in the bathroom to cry for hours.
Fast forward to highschool. I went to a different school, so new faces, new teachers. I REALLY tryed to get friends, i really did. It's not i'm ugly or dumb or whatever. I just don't like the same stuff others do. So i would shut up during conversations about football or tv stuff, as i didn't have a tv.
So actually, 6 more years of solitude. Day and night. No friends, just me. Parents worked till night, brothers and sisters were with their friends. I just played by myself. At least there was no mocking this time.
Now i graduated, got to college. No friends, bad marks, all alone again. After 2 years i still haven't passed my first semester...
I know there are worse stories than this one, but being all alone. Oh god, it's a battle everyday. I don't kill myself for the pain my family would feel. But shit, someday i'm gonna lose it, i know it's close, and i am crying while i write this. If you have a nice life or friends, cherish them. I would give anything to have at least one. | |
My mail is redxblood@yahoo.com
Write to me if you feel like talking...
Alzheimer disease and i quit my job and took care of her day Night by myself I had to change her, dress her and feed her and it was my true pleasure to do this for her because she loved me and i loved her she died on April 17 in my arms
i know what lonely can be i have never felt so alone in my life i too think about suicide each every day would just be nice to have someone to go places or travel hang in there friend things take time and will get better you can email me if want just to chat Mstr7michael@yahoo.com my name is Michael
ive been reading alot of posts on here that i can relate too fully.
im glad im not the only one..
I can relate to how you feel. I'm 20 and I've been alone in my life for about 18 years.
The main problem persons like you, I and others have, is that we do not fit within the context of this society. We do not live for tv, sports, jobs or any of those. We only live. We exist.
Life will get hard, it'll get harder and harder as long as you choose to let it. As long as you choose to let people control your mood and your happiness, you'll life suck and it'll become even worse once you stagnate. It is for this reason I can only recommend one thing. It's quite simple and it works for me at times.
I usually find some music that doesn't contain a lot of lyrics. Music that speaks to the soul (no Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, ... crap). Listen to it while closing yourself off from everything else (headphones, alone in your room, ...). If you can, try to be around trees or generally somewhere in nature. From that point on, it's a matter of listening to the music, letting yourself go, accepting and trying to relax. Once you feel yourself becoming relaxed and passive, you can try to think about problems. You think about them one at a time, not all at once. With time you'll be able to rationalize them. Put them in perspective. You can find solutions or choose to ignore them for another time. The main idea here is that you accept your situation and by looking through it from a relaxed, passive state, you can find a way out of it or a way to move through it.
I know it's not much, I know it doesn't solve being alone. I only hope it can ease the burden. If you'd like to find people like yourself, or friends in general, it's a matter of hanging on. You're in control of your life, nobody else is. Even when all seems lost or against you, there's still things you can do.
(Sorry for the long comment)
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