I feel like the past 6 years God has been using me like bath tissue to wipe his ass crack. Why? What did I do wrong? I try to be a good person. I treat people well, keep my head up when shit comes my way, and keep my eyes on the prize when people try to push me down. People from who knows where come along and give me shit like I did something to them. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it's just too much. I just keep moving forwards, putting one foot in front of the other, hoping things may turn for the better. But the facts of my life remain the same.
People tell me things will get better. People tell me that I'll get this and that and something great will happen, but shit never happens. I wish people would just shut the hell up with their smug advice and empty words. I am so sick of hearing about it. And no I can't be thankful or joyful for what I already have. About the only thing I have to be thankful for is that I'm not homeless. Yes I do recognize that things could be worse, but my life seems like a ticking time bomb, not something to be joyful about. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I do realize that when bad things happen it doesn't mean I caused them. Okay, but being kept down like this for so long is frustrating. What is this all about? I don't get it, God. As far as I can see, the rest of my life isn't going to be great anyway, but could you at least allow me to function normally like everyone else? Why do you keep giving me this shit?