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Here you go.

Posted by Walkingdead at June 19, 2012
Tags: Family  Health  2012 June

I am actually past the point of caring whether how my story "rates." Bottom line is it's the worst I've experienced up to this point. My story started out with a lot of promise. I was born into a suburban, middle-class family. My early years were rainbows and butterflies. All good things must come to an end I guess. The turning point would be when my two older brothers starting molesting me. It started at about 7 and continued on until I was about 11. I never felt like I could tell my mother because she experienced something similar and I was afraid of how hard she would take it. I just wanted to keep the peace. At age 10 my Dad was paralyzed in a car accident and the family dynamic changed dramatically. Things stayed the same as always between my dad and I. Most of our conversations are awkward and impersonal, and if they do get personal it leads to argument. My mother has taken care of my for roughly 20 years minus one week. She is trying to cope with debilitating depression. The kind where you don't leave the house, don't answer the phone, only want to sleep, etc. etc. I battled with depression with some remissions here and there. I hit 15 and things were looking up. I was in night school because I was ostracized in school in conjunction with being horribly insecure and socially awkward. Ended up dropping out because I was going to be failed due to the fact I didn't have a computer to complete my final essay for my class. Failure was easy at this point because it's all I was ever able to do. Fell in love hard and got pregnant at 16. The father was just generally unsupportive in every way so I did what I had to to carry that relationship as well as raising my son with little to no help. Had a good job, my own place, and felt for the first time that life was a gift. Then my son started having major issues. Socially and behaviorally. What we now know was ADHD and Asperger's.. We've tried a plethora of medications in conjunction with multiple therapies, suggested parental techniques, but he is still not at the level of self-sufficiency that allows him to be left alone, do school work independently, participate in sports, etc. So I went on Family medical leave to try and help him. I had to resign my position because he required more attention and family comes first. Moved out of state and back in with mom and dad. Shortly after that, my 7 year relationship with my son's father ended. He found a teenage Latina to cheat on me with and left me for her. Now I am in a relationship with someone I don't think I'm compatible with. But whatever. It'll fail too eventually. I am socially inept, severely depressed, overweight, and basically just doing my best to maintain for my son. It's hard to get out of bed. It's hard to leave the house. It's hard to enjoy anything at all. I've lost my friends because I don't want to talk or see anyone most of the time. I try to explain it in a way they can understand but they don't. How can you explain what you don't fully understand yourself?


New Comment

By anonymous at 02,Aug,12 13:41

that sucks

By anonymous at 04,Aug,12 12:04

Get on with life

By anonymous at 04,Aug,12 22:01

I'm so sorry. Please remember that all BAD things end also.
By broken at 07,Aug,12 00:58

Aids only ends when you die.....

Same with herpies....

Or being a Republican voter
By anonymous at 09,Aug,12 01:12

this are all true but some things are temporary and people who think suicide is the answer then they dont see it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
By anonymous at 03,Oct,12 04:04

well said dude, well said :)))

By anonymous at 08,Aug,12 12:42

Look for a good church that has a varity of youth programs. Call around your town and see which churches have a bus ministry that with pick you up for church. I have learned through life that the Bible has encouraged me during the darkest times in my life. I wish you the best.

By anonymous at 13,Aug,12 19:30

Get an inflatable love doll.

By anonymous at 25,Aug,12 10:17

Hi I'm sorry to hear about your story. U dont understand the situation because your mind is just too heavy with troubles for u to analyse your life. U have to know some fundamentals in life- u r not the only one in this world who suffers. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but this is reality of life. The deal about life is that we suffer the moment we were born and it will continue so till we die.
But do not despair at this fact because you are in the position to make things better. Being in depression does not help the situation. You need to be strong n pick yourself up. LOVE yourself. U hv a child to take care n the situation seems worse. If u would look around there are people in the society who r willing to help. U need to seek help be it for emotional and financial support. Talk to people. Find solutions. It mAy be a tedious road but that is the deal in life. We suffer and through suffering it makes us stronger people. We all have what it takes to get out of difficult situations and make things better. There is no other better time than NOW.
Help yourself n your child because if you don't it will only slide backwars more. I hope u gain the inner strength n wisdom to do so. All the best. From: sunseeker
By anonymous at 28,Sep,12 20:21

In theory you are absolutely correct. However, like most other things in life it's easier said than done.

By anonymous at 03,Sep,12 04:00

I can truly understand what you have been going through. When you go through a lot of pain in life, you stop feeling anything & just live a day from the next. After all that I have gone through in my life, sometimes I think that some lives are just meant to have no meaning.

I do hope that lfe gets better for you at some point & even if you don't feel happiness, I am sure you would find some peace and come to terms with your ghosts.

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