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i hate myself

Posted by anonymous at June 19, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 June

I hate my self, or at least most things about myself. Even as i write this down, I hate felling sorry for myself. Feel like I should be happy, i have more in my life than many people. i even have wonderful family and friends and a man who loves me very much, he loves me enough to even marry me. But each day of my life, i see my self as a looser. I feel like no matter how hard I try to be good at my job i mess it up. I say stupid stuff, all the time. nothing mean just mindless, pointless things. sometime i think if i said nothing or made my self basically invisible to others, they might like me more. how pathetic right. I feel like i have no purpose in this world. i never told anyone how i feel, not even my fiancé. i embarrassed of myself and the dark thoughts that i have. i try to see how i could be a better person, but maybe i just someone that will never fit in or make friends easily. i try to be respectful of people, to be nice to them. maybe i just no good at life. i wish i just didn't care. i hope one day i can be proud of myself.


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Similar Entries:
I hate my life!!! February 9, 2008
Do I really hate my life or I just bored ?????? July 22, 2011
i hate everything and don't know why February 16, 2012
Life effing sucks. July 12, 2010
I hate my life December 11, 2009



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 06,Aug,12 15:57

I sure hate you!
By broken at 07,Aug,12 00:46

+1

I hate this person more than I hate boy bands.


By anonymous at 29,Aug,12 03:25

Mercy is a degenerate asshole.


By anonymous at 30,Aug,12 20:10

And Father Jessup your a bigger asshole than Father Mcnally. Your BOTH faggots and you both have the brains of an infant. Your a baby brain donkey dick asshole Jessup. YOU are the faggots NOT me. You continue to confuse me with another bagger. You continue to confuse me with another person. I have NO FUCKING CLUE WHO YOUR TALKING ABOUT.Can you read? Do you need fucking glasses? Im NOT a cocksucker. You on the other hand might match that description. Im embarrassed that priests could be so stupid and corrupt but this is nothing new.


By anonymous at 31,Aug,12 19:42

And Sir Paul or rather Sir Fuckwit you are the BIGGEST AND MOST DESPICABLE PIECE OF SHIT ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. YOUR LOWER THAN THE GERMS AND BACTERIA ON BATHROOM DOOR HANDLES. I WOULD SLAP YOU SO HARD YOU WOULD NOT WAKE UP. YOUR MORE REPULSIVE THAN A TAPEWORM. A TAPEWORM IS HOLY COMPARED TO YOU MOTHERFUCKER. YOU SUCK THE COCKS OF WINOS AND YOU FUCK THEM IN YOUR SEWER YOU CALL HOME. YOU ARE LOWER THAN A SEWER SIR FUCKWIT. I HATE YOU BEYOND WHAT YOUR PUNY MIND CAN IMAGINE SIR FUCKWIT. SIR ASSHOLE. SIR SHIT STAIN. SIR EXCREMENT. SIR SEWAGE. WHEN SATAN TOOK A SHIT YOU PLOPPED OUT OF HIS ASS. YOUR GOING TO BE SPENDING ETERNITY WITH HIM WHEN YOUR WORTHLESS LIFE IS OVER. YOUR GOING TO BURN AND SUFFER. AND I DONT CARE. AN EVIL FUCKING DEGENERATE PUKE SUCH AS YOU OUGHT TO SUFFER.IT DOESNT GET ANY LOWER THAN YOU SIR FUCKWIT. FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR MOTHER AND FUCK YOUR FATHER WHO GAVE BIRTH TO A PIECE OF PUKE SUCH AS YOU. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED AT BIRTH MOTHERFUCKER. YOUR LOWER THAN SHIT. SHIT IS LIKE GOLD WHEN COMPARED TO YOU SIR FUCKWIT. AND MAY YOU SUFFER YOU WASTE OF HUMAN MOLECULES. YOUR A WASTE OF THE CREATION AND YOU PROVE THE DEVIL RULES THIS FUCKED UP WORLD.GET THE FUCK OFF THE WEBSITE YOU FUCKING PUKE.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 09:19

and my final comment to all of you dirtbags who harassed me is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 11:47

FUCK YOU TIMMY AND FUCK ALL OF YOU.


By anonymous at 03,Sep,12 00:22

And you administrator of this disgusting website are a disgrace for allowing all this harassment. And your stupid enough to believe the lies and bullshit these nasty trolls are writing about me. Your as low as they are. I dont care what you think of me administrator and I dont care what any of these other assholes think of me. You are all human puke. Your EVIL scum. All of you.I dont give a shit for any one of you. Let me get off this disgusting degenerate depraved website. Fuck all of you.
By anonymous at 06,Sep,12 21:36

Administrator I will say Im sorry for being rude to you. All those threats of physical violence I made to Broken Mercy etc are just TALK. Its just talking tough. Im not really going to hurt them. Im not going to hurt anyone no matter how despicable they are and no matter how much I hate them. They have succeeded in getting me so angry that they compell me to say these things. In my fantasy I would like to beat them up. But NOT in reality. In reality I would not hurt them. In reality I would not hurt anyone. Im actually a non-violent person. Im actually a gentle person. Its just these idiots get me so angry that I say things which I really would never do in reality. I would not hurt anyone in reality. Im NOT a criminal. I just talk tough when Im angry. Its just TALK. The reality is Im a very gentle person despite being full of hate. Try to understand this. Once again Im sorry for being rude to you administrator. I made a huge mistake by writing on this website. I didnt anticipate that I would be the target of so much trolling and harassment.
By anonymous at 07,Sep,12 01:34

i continue. Once again Im sorry for being rude to you Mr.administrator. Please forgive me. Im trying to leave this website as soon as I can.


By Father McNalley at 03,Jan,17 19:46

I look back on this now as a total deflation in human existance. Now 2017, I'm confined to a wheelchair because of stroke. The infamous GBCS has now been in the care of the penal system in Ohio. He finally did murder. I did have the opportunity of getting to know this troubled soul when I made my trip abroad from Ireland in 2015. Tis unfortunate that he fallisated the fact that Howard Stern was ready to do a show about this whole ordeal. It may have dearly helped, my friends. Tis a lost cause but none to bear reap upon ourselves.


By Lonely guy at 04,Jan,17 02:38

Father Mcnally you're lying again or you have met someone totally different. The lonely bagger/maintenance guy who wrote throughout this website in 2012 and 2013 doesnt even live in Ohio. Theres not a word of truth in what you wrote. You lie more than a used car salesman. Lying is a sin and hypocrisy. Stop your lying and stop your slandering. Let us have peace.


By Father McNalley at 08,Jan,17 01:00

I do not lie. He is in the Ohio penal system. It is where he was sent from the east coast after trial. Why do you think you havent heard from him? There is no internet in his jail. I attended his single room upstairs apartment not far from the Grocery Store he worked at. Pityful lonely hell it was. No excorcism was needed as this was a mental breakdown with no demons involved. The diocese of the Roman Catholic Church from New York handled the investigation.


By Lonely guy at 08,Jan,17 02:41

You do not lie? Really? You seem to have difficulty reading or you're confused. This bagger person you claim to have met in Ohio is not me. I have never even been to Ohio in my life. The lonely bagger/maintenance man who wrote on this site in 2012 and 2013 has never even been to Ohio. The person in jail in Ohio is not me. I have no idea who this other bagger is. Can you understand that? Im not a criminal, I have never been to Ohio, and Im not in an Ohio prison. This is someone totally different you have met. I am still living in my home which is badly decaying with mold, mildew, and spiders, ants, earwigs, clothes moths, and other vermin everywhere I look. I still work at the supermarket. I no longer bag, but I am a full time maintenance man, cleaning up garbage as I have no other skills. I lost both my parents. Im all alone in the house, and Im still living at my house. Im not in some Ohio prison as you say. Thats a totally different person, and I have no idea who it is you're talking about. Get that through your head, Father Mcnally. Im NOT this criminal you met in an Ohio prison. Dont confuse me with someone else. I cannot just stand idly by and allow myself to be slandered. You're entitled to believe what you want, but dont slander me on the Internet and dont confuse me with some other guy in Ohio. I dont have any idea who this bagger in Ohio is, but rest assured, its not me. I wish you would stop.
By Father McNalley at 08,Jan,17 13:06

I am now an old man. A defrocked priest, i have no reason to lie. To maintain confidentiality, i can only say he was transfered to Youngstown Ohio penitentary. He is indeed the famed GBCS as became involved with him when i came to America, at the age of 75 I never thought for one moment the tremendous falling apart my path would take, including becoming homeless. I lost all because of him. He has a small support group who mail and communicate. I being one of them. He asks them to send a new package of brown paper grocery bags once every 2 months or so. I met him and stayed with him in New York. So i know.
By Father McNalley at 08,Jan,17 16:07

You'll have to excuse me, Im drinking wine right now, but i reread your post. My Irish white ass is unbelieving you are trying a claim to fame on these pages from the past. Tis a mistake on your part Mr. Lonely.
By Father McNalley at 08,Jan,17 17:52

I have been thinking, GBCS's father was dead, but his mother was still alive, he lived in no house, so you are the one who's making lies. You know nothing, where is the subway located from the front door of the market? What color are the dumpsters in the back? What type of brick is the market made from. If you can answer these simple questions but i think not.


By Lonely guy at 08,Jan,17 17:33

It pains me to read of your condition Father Mcnally. But I am not this bagger in the Ohio prison. I have never even been to Ohio. Once again, I as the lonely bagger/maintenance man who wrote on this site in 2012 and 2013 is not a criminal, has never been to Ohio, and Im not in some Ohio prison. Im still working and I still live at home. This other bagger in Ohio you met is a totally different person, and rest assured its not me.
I too am suffering. I lost both my parents due to disease. I lost my father in 2011 from heart disease and stroke, and I lost my mother from stroke in 2015. They both suffered for years from health proboems. My mother was the most important person in the world to me. I cried for six weeks after she died. Stroke is a cruel horrible disease, and it often strikes good people. The sadness and grief I feel are indescribable. I love my mother more than anything else. Everyday existence for me is a hell as I have to live without her. Its a painful privation and deprivation. Nature is cruel and heartless.
Im stuck in a badly decaying house which is falling apart with mold, mildew, and vermin everywhere. I cannot afford exterminators and repairmen, so I have to suffer in this squalor. I break my back at the supermarket where I still work cleaning, sweeping, and wiping tons of garbage, leaves, dust, and stains, and receive no medical benefits and receive minimum wage. OCD, depression, mental torment, mental anguish, sadness, grief is my life day in, day out, year in, year out. I live in fear of ending up in hell. According to Fundie Christians such as David J. Stewart, billions of people are dooked to end up in hell including many Christians for one reason or another to be tortured forever. If one didnt believe the entire Bible word for word, then its hell, and if one failed to belong to the true church(if there is such a thing) then its hell according to these Fundies. The Calvinist God and Calvinist religion is the cruelest and worst of all. Calvinism is the worship of an evil God.
Human evil abounds and God allows it and Natural evil abounds such as stroke, aneurysm, heart disease, cancer, ebola, box jellyfish, centipedes, widow spiders, ticks, fleas, lice, earwigs, ants, mosquitoes, birth defects, miscarriages, hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, pestilence, drought, famine, flooding, mass starvation plagues this planet. What kind of sick demon created harlequin ichthyosis, a repulsive deadly disease which afflicts babies? I have seen pictures of this disease and it makes me want to throw up. Does this look like the creation of a loving, merciful being? Do you see love and mercifulness here? I dont. This looks more like the work of the Devil or a demon and not the work of a loving God.
Thank you for reading Father Mcnally. I feel bad for you. What can we do about it? Theres not much we can do. The Devil continues ruling this world and not a loving God. Maybe the Devil is steonger and smarter than given credit for, and its the Devil who is winning this war. Thousands to millions of years of evil, pain, suffering, death and extinctions since prehistoric times is the sad reality which is this Devilish world.


By Lonely guy at 08,Jan,17 19:05

Father Mcnally you ask what colors are the dumpsters? I am not this Gbcs guy, and I am not this bagger guy in an Ohio prison. And I dont lie. Im not the liar here. I still work at the supermarket and I still live at home. I lost both parents to disease. I lost my father in 2011 from heart disease and stroke and I lost my mother from a stroke in 2015. You have difficulty reading or you're very confused. Once again, I as the lonely bagger/maintenance man who wrote on this site in 2012 and 2013 does not hang out with winos, and is not a criminal and is not in some Ohio prison. How many times do I have to weite the same thing? You're confusing me with someone else, and I dont have any idea who you're talking about. What you're talking about is a totally different person. Get that through your head. I still work and I still live at home. Is that too difficult to understand? Im not going to start another feud. Im done fighting with trolls. Lets stop this conversation.
By Father McNalley at 08,Jan,17 23:13

Well now, you seem to think punishment is a theism. Not really, i was an irish roman Catholic Priest, the bible was written by humans not a God. I see it as a fundementalistic pile of complete shit. Hell is on this earth, or it is what you can make of it by changing your own attitude and understand your body is a shell your soul is only using on this journey, you decided to take, as a spirit or soul. You sound smart enough to know there is no logic to many of the biblical stories, procreation from Adam and Eve is one. Yes they had sons, but who did the sons fuck to procreate? Anyway, I'm gonna finish my bottle of Thunderbird and let you go, i know you are already licken your lips and hands are shaken, thinking of the line up a drunkin wino's waiting behind the market,


By Lonely guy at 09,Jan,17 01:36

No I dont hang out with winos. I come home from work exhausted and plop to bed. Loneliness, depression, sadness, grief fills me everyday that goes by. Take good care my friend.
By Father McNalley at 09,Jan,17 21:58

Im drinking again, this time its Cisco, cheap wine in an east motel by the month. You think you know depressed? I was a high priest in Ireland, now a stroke victem defrocked priest. We live in the same city, perhaps we can chat and talk about life. You seem like a nice guy.........now go home and get your fuckin' grocerybag to put over your head.


By Father McNalley at 10,Jan,17 21:14

I apologize, i was a bit drunk on the last comment.


By Lonely guy at 10,Jan,17 23:49

I apologize too dear friend. When I look back at what I wrote back in 2012 and 2013 as anonymous makes me ashamed of myself. I stooped to the level of the trolls that I was feuding with. I allowed my anger to control me and thus I said stupid, rude, vile things which Im ashamed of as I look back on it. I have to learn to keep my cool and not allow my anger to say stupid things which I will regret later.Im more mature now and will not engage with trolls. Those days are done with. I will be polite as best as I can. I still feel bad for causing a disturbance on this site 4 plus years later. Im sorry to the people who run this website. I sincerely apologize to the administrator. Im very sorry administrator. Please forgive me.
Im not sure its a good idea to converse here Father Mcnally, as my presence here has caused a disturbance in June 2012 to January 2013 with the feuding with the trolls. Thats never going to happen again. I try to be a good, kind person. Im really a good hearted person. We are fortunate that we have a website like this where


By Lonely guy at 11,Jan,17 00:06

Execuse me my computer cut me off. We're fortunate to have a website such as this where we can share our life experiences. Father Mcnally you say you're in Ohio. You dont live in Ireland anymore? Being Irish, you should be familiar with author C.S. Lewis who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia and books about religion. One of his books resonates with me and its called A Grief Observed. Its about Lewis losing his wife to cancer in 1960. See the book and movie Shadowlands. He asks the questions of how a good loving God could allow such cruel horrors as disease.
So how are you doing today,Father Mcnally? Im here by myself at home.


By Father McNalley at 17,Jan,17 21:12

C.S. Lewis is a great author. I am familiar with his writtings and the one you talk in particular. I believe life is a test. We must become better people. As I said, being a defroked alcoholic Priest is a burdon to me. However i continue on. Im okay Today. I cashed in my cans and have a bottle of Night Train freshly cracked in all its sweetness. I am glad to hear you coming to terms with these trolls.


By Lonely guy at 18,Jan,17 00:06

C.S. Lewis lost his mother to cancer in 1908, lost his father to cancer in 1929, and lost his wife to cancer in 1960. A Grief Observed is about the loss of his wife. Interestingly, Lewis doesnt mention the possibility that Satan and demons could be the cause of cancer and disease. He seems to believe that God is the cause. We dont know who or what created cancer, centipedes, ticks, fleas, lice, candiru fish, stonefish, widow spiders, harlequin ichthyosis, birth defects, stroke, aneurysm, heart disease, rabies, ebola, and other horrors. Maybe God didnt create it and maybe Satan and demons didnt create these Natural evils. Maybe its just the blind, impersonal, amoral forces of Nature and evolution thats to blame for these monstrous cruelties. In this case there is no God to blame, no Devil to blame. But why does God allow these horrors to torture and kill His creation? A Grief Observed asks this question.
Lewis doesnt mention anything about the suffering and death of good innocent animals and pets. It should be pointed out that animals have suffered and died and become extinct for millions of years since prehistoric times at the hands of Nature and at the hands of human beings.
Lewis writes about his fear that he may never see his wife again. He loints out that theres not any mention in the Bible that we will be reunited with our loved ones in heaven. Its also disturbing that theres no mention of animals and pets having an afterlife in the Bible. I cannot be happy without my pets in heaven and I cannot be happy without my parents in heaven. One of my fears is that either pets have no afterlife at all, or the afterlife for pets is in a different location from the afterlife for humans. I also fear ending up in hell. My mind is tormented. I live in endless grief, sadness, mental torment, anxiety, apprehension, and fear.
Horrible nightmares plague me for the last 26 years, severe depression for the last 33 years and made worse by the loss of both my parents. Im 48, and the world has been a horrible place fod as long as I can remember.


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