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The End of The Road

Posted by anonymous at June 24, 2012
Tags: 2012 June

I am married to a narcissist 45 years now. Financially tied to him. So tired of the anger, moods, lying and other women. I am so tired of being married to what the world views at "Mr. Wonderful", a "hottie".....such a nice guy. When the front door closes the REAL beast raises his ugly horns. Oh, he can "charm the birds right out of the trees". Unfortunately, once his entertainment with them fades, he takes pleasure in a heavy stomp to their very being.

I am mentally exhausted, numb and realize to late that I should have left this relationship years ago. To old, to tired to start over...


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New Comment

By anonymous at 25,Oct,12 18:33

No such thing as 'tied to him".

You have a option, to leave.

But instead you are lazy and subscribe to fear.

And in doing so, you will burn the last remaining years of the ONE chance thing called life.

You can't know what life would be like on the other side, until you GET to the other side.
By anonymous at 25,Oct,12 21:57

Fuck life. It's not worth it anyway. It's a cruel joke
By anonymous at 26,Oct,12 02:41

well that's not very positive :( whats wrong..??
By anonymous at 27,Oct,12 23:06

Lately? Let's see. A year ago I got laid off from my company. Lined up job interviews. Two weeks after the lay off I'm in a bad accident ( not my fault but I'll never see restitution). In hospital nursing home for over 4 months plus several more months of intensive physical therapy. Earlier this month I get a great job offer. I'm elated. After first day I decide to drop in on my significant other only to catch my now ex in bed with someone else. Devastated, but hey, I go to work the next day only to find out that there's been a reorg and I'm no longer wanted or needed. Job ends on second day. I'm tired of being thrown out like some broken toy. Whatever. I plan on offing myself next week (carbon monoxide poisoning) so soon none of this will matter
By anonymous at 29,Oct,12 02:39

HO-HO-HOLD UP!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO DONT DO THAT!! adjadjasdjakdja i cannot stress to u enough how much u should cherish ur life!! come onnnn, im sure there are some positives in ur life too??
By anonymous at 29,Oct,12 19:24

No. Nothing. I feel pretty damn hopeless. I appreciate that you care, but I'm tired of hurting/being hurt all the time. I'm in so much pain I can't deal anymore
By anonymous at 01,Nov,12 22:10

Look it's me again. I cou;dn't kill myself today (long story) Next monday maybe. I have to be alone for 8-10 hours before I do what I plan to do,

You don't know my full life. My psychiatrist and psychologist can't believe what I've been through and still live, Trust me it's worse than you could imagine.

I want a reason to live. Please give me a reason.
By anonymous at 02,Nov,12 05:30

no nooo noooooo!!! please dont do it!! please...
By anonymous at 02,Nov,12 05:34 Fold Up

think of your family, friends?? and youre right!! i DONT know you and i cannot begin to imagine what you have gone through, but please do not do it!! im sure youve wanted to do it for a long time but CONTINUE to show people how strong u can be by living your life to the fullest!! tell me your hobbbies, likes, dislikes, just tell me what you like to do, then you might feel better!! :) IM EXPECTING A REPLY BECAUSE IM GONNA BE REALLY SAD AND DISAPPOINTED IF I AM TOO LATE TO STOP YOU... DONT DO IT!!
By anonymous at 03,Nov,12 21:08

Please talk to me
By anonymous at 03,Nov,12 21:10 Fold Up

You're not too late. Dammit. You seem to care and I can't hurt anyone who cares. You're the first in a long time.
By anonymous at 04,Nov,12 03:29

OH THANK GOD, u didnt do it YAY!! kay you're free to talk to me, ANY TIME u wanna, what do u needa say?? :)
By anonymous at 04,Nov,12 11:09

Well, I guess stating that I hurt is pretty obvious. Honestly I wish I could cry but don't seem to be able to bring up the tears. I wake up every morning in terror, dread, etc and it's horrible.

I pretty much only told you about the past year, but I have several decades of really heinous things that either happened to me or around me.

I'm mostly afraid I'll never find employment in my field (or any other field) ever again. After being stabbed in the back by my ex, i feel like I'll never meet anyone again. I've completely isolated myself socially. I just fear that things will only go downhill, that I'll die old, alone and homeless.

Where do I find hope?
By anonymous at 04,Nov,12 17:48

Well... When youre in a position like that its really hard to say :( its just that i really DO care, so much that i dont wanna give you the wrong advice?? if you know what i mean, and about your ex, i would be glad she cheated on me NOW and not AFTER we were married and per say, had kids... im ABSOLUTELY sure you will find a job if you show them that youre confident, it might be hard at first but it will get you somewhere at least :D do you have like any qualifications from uni or somethin'?? You will find someone, trust me when i say you sound like a gentleman and any woman would be lucky to be your GF XDDD yeahhh do you have any lady friends?? :)) that maybe fancy you tee hee ;)))
By anonymous at 04,Nov,12 20:27

LOL. You're message cheered me up 'lady friends' 'fancy you'? You're not a Yank are ye me Lady? Yes. I do have 'lady friends' who may or may not 'fancy me'. Even if they did, I don't rebound and I'm so anachronistically monogamous that it will take time to heal. Oh, my university qualifications: Biochemist (genetic engineering) with a minor in (US) constitutional law and patent law. The hard part is, and everyone will recognize me from this and I'll get trolled endlessly ( don't really care right now) is that I have PTSD to the extent that I'm considered disabled. Never let that stand in the way of getting a good position and advancing...until now. What really sucks is that I have to just sit and wait. At least I've physically healed enough that I can go back to my old gym regimen ( 6 days a week, 2.5-3 hours per day) so I'm getting buff again. I'm also now doing volunteer work with the elderly, the sick, disadvantaged youth and ecological restoration- like I said I have a lot of free time right now. I suppose that's positive, it's just that I have a massive hole in my heart (figuratively speaking). I feel broken and I'm not sure how to piece myself back together again. BTW you're right. Better I found out now about my ex ( I did that on a hunch/intuition- that happens a lot with me) than later in life.

Thanks for your help
By anonymous at 06,Nov,12 04:10

eheee!! so u DO HAVE LADY FRIENDS?! ahaaaa u go brotha!! REOWWW!! ;DDD ohhh and SWEEEET u have an engineering degree, isnt that like... hard to get..?? :000 wow so youre SMART TOO?! D:< im so jelly... :( and i love how u volunteer :))) thats actually really considerate of u, actually when i was in year 8, my friend told me to volunteer with her at the salvation army (idk if u know what that is haha) but yeah it turned out pretty fun and ive been doing it for 2 years XDDD so good for uuuu!! maybe you'll meet someone at the volunteering place who's just as loving as u are ;P
By anonymous at 14,Nov,12 14:28

Hey man, thanks for the upbeat post. I guess I have a few things going for me. BTW no need to be jealous. I wish I could be as supportive, caring and cheerful as you. Keep on doing what you're doing. You do a good job of helping others

By Exit time at 27,Oct,12 10:56

You're not that old. Leave, wake up out of your stupor.

By anonymous at 27,Oct,12 18:48

Do meth

By anonymous at 28,Oct,12 18:41

45 years of marriage to a Narcissist? Too late to leave. You're too old and have no future. Here's my hint: Buy Morphine and valium from an Online Pharmacy. Get some syringes. Pull the car into the garage, remove the catalytic converter and hook a garden hose from the tailipe to the driver side window. Get in the garage, shut the door. Pop about 50 mg of Valium and shoot up 2ml-5ml morphine. Then start the car and breath deeply. Your pan will be over soon

By anonymous at 01,Jan,13 11:41

joe the axe rapist

By anonymous at 21,Oct,13 00:41

Did I miss something? What EXACTLY is your problem? It sounds like you should just shut up and stop complaining. Guess what? The anger, mood, lying, and other women are all because of your selfish, ungrateful attitude towards him so you deserve it. Actually I feel sorry for your husband because he put up with a woman like you for 45 years.

By top seo guys at 24,Oct,13 11:58

1mJY57 I loved your blog post.Much thanks again. Will read on...

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