D5 drugs disappointment depression divorce disgust | Posted by jennyfromtheblock at June 29, 2012 | Tags: 2012 June |
Drugs have caused the ultimate ruin of my life. but long before they came along i was miserable , afflicted with terrible low self esteem validated by my peers through out school into college...i am too trusting and nice everyone takes advantage of me. i can't stand up for myself and that lead to my first failed marriage a husband who beat me everyday and told me how stuipid i was and disgusting...marriage number 2 got me a lazy slacker who stole everything i had , my home my credit my job and introduced me to drugs which stole my soul...i lost my career and ended up in rehab meeting a guy who stole every last bit of anything financially , spirtuially and any hope i had left...i have no friends because i just let eveyone walk all over me and am always sad no body want to be around me. i have to call a suicide hotline just to talk to someone alive. my family is disgusted with my drug use and that has driven them away. I have nobody and nothing. i can barely make myself shower i'm so sad and strung out. i feel disgusting and un lovable and that i will never be anything...my ship has sailed theres no hope for me, my career is ruined i have just lies holding me up all of which are about to unfold. i hate myself and have never learned to not be scared of being alone and that has lead me to settle for crappy friends and men. i 'lll never get it im just a lost cause. i don't wash or brush my teeth i donot care anymore i don't like anything in life i just am miserable. nothing tastes good nothing feels good nothing looks good. its fucking awful to be me. i am full of regret and resentment to others and myself. | |
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Step 1. Call a family member and tell them that you really want to quit this time, and see if they can give you regular moral support.
Step 2. Leave ALL that pulls you to addiction - unhealthy relationships, friendships, "friends" that call to party, etc. Change your mobile number and give it to only people that don't do drugs or alcohol.
Step 3. Realize that you are not old - Colonal Sanders became a millionaire in his 60's by making friggin chicken - you are not ever over the hill or all washed up (unless you waste the rest of your life saying you are and doing drugs and alcohol).
Step 4. When you feel yourself slipping, realize that we all have bad days, and remember the importance of staying clean.
You are beautiful and have a lot to look forward to, but only if you decide to do what is required.
Hang in there, please. I've been there - you will wonder why you didn't change your attitude a long time ago after you see how incredible life is clean.
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