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i hate my life

Posted by Just Me at July 1, 2012
Tags: Jul2012

I married a cheating sneak....even though I had wanted to call of our wedding I didn't want my friends and family to think badly of me..during our honeymoon I found out he was still cheating telling his random internet hookups he was on vacation with his friends..its been 10 years and I still can't trust him and every additional day it kills me slowly....we have a son whom I love and can't leave behind...I hate my life and feel as if I've been put on this earth to just suffer...I was molested by my stepfather as a child and no matter how many "hints" I gave my mom she never got me or she didn't care...at 7 years old I would leave books about telling ur parents with pages folded to certain areas..she never even asked me about it...at 12 I tried killing myself but only ended throwing up (I guess I didn't know how to truly attempt it) at one point I had the courage to tell my uncle what was going on, they decided to have a family meeting on this where my grandmother told me its not a child place to try to seperate their parents.....I hate my life so much I can't wait till its over, I don't want to commit suicide in the offchance their is a heaven and I mess my chances of having somewhat of a decent afterlife....this is just a piece of why I hate my life


Votes:


Similar Entries:
I hate my life!!! February 9, 2008
Do I really hate my life or I just bored ?????? July 22, 2011
i hate everything and don't know why February 16, 2012
Life effing sucks. July 12, 2010
why? April 3, 2012



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Comments:
By anonymous at 11,Dec,12 19:30

I'm sorry :(. Wish I knew how to make it all better. I was with a cheater as well, but once I discovered what was going on I immediately left. I was also molested and that takes awhile to get over ( if you ever do)


By anonymous at 12,Dec,12 15:09

Ask yourself this question, are you happy with your life and marriage? If you are not, plan your exit. Life is too short to be in a miserable situations, change is tough in a short run but in the long run you will eventually find peace and joy.


By anonymous at 13,Dec,12 08:58

your childhood cant be helped or changed. move on from it and do better for your own kids.
you can change your future though. who cares if your family judges you, they obviously dont understand either way it goes. dump the piece of shit and find someone worth your time.


By anonymous at 24,Dec,12 18:06

i agree with ALL the advice above!! so glad there are nicer people here ;)) u have to enjoy ur life kay? not for anyone but yourself Xox merry christmas btw!!


By anonymous at 29,Dec,12 21:06

I can relate on sentences 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10, 11, 12 & 13. I too exist in those shoes. I'm an optimist and a survivor and a bit of a scrapper, so I've persevered, but I'm still tired. I went to a palm-reader the other day and she informed me of what I already knew was typical of the women in my family - I'd live for a VERY long time.. True or not, suicide is not my thing. So the only alternative is to pull myself up by boot-straps, harness every skill and braincell I've got and make something of this thing called LIFE.

The greatest lesson I have learned is that it comes down to self-esteem. If I am down on myself, I can make it like the entire world is down on me. This is not true - although we can make it true.

You love your son and you know you have love and it sounds as if you have tremendous insight, strength of character, a giant heart and you are very articulate. It took (still does take practice) to acknowledge and implement the gifts I have in this lifetime and figure out what the H-double-hockey-sticks I am doing here! So, I make each day a little bit about paying forward. A LOT of people feel stuck and a lot of women and little girls - and boys (and even adult men who will never say-aloud) - go through what we went through. And because of this we second guess ourselves and our choices, options- and even choose mates who perpetuate our past in some way or another.

You sound articulate. Do you write, draw, paint, create, teach, sing, share? Do you meditate, do yoga, pray or have a practice that allows you to center physically (and spiritually if you feel comfortable) 5-20 minutes a day?

Feeling stuck is the worst self-esteem crusher. Self-esteem is such an awesome motivator. You are not stuck.

Post it to your mirrors, put it in a timed message in your phone, say it to yourself 10 times in 10-30 seconds (when going lu or in the car, or doing laundry - anytime) "I am unstuck and I have gifts to share" and then change it up as much as you like. It may feel silly at first. But it's your individual acknowledgement to you that no one else gave you - that you have always, always deserved.

You are NOT stuck.


By anonymous at 14,Feb,13 23:08

You have damage. We all do. Something will come for you....something good. It may be insignificant, trust the feeling and move on. Make the flow of this good feeling pursue you. Capture this when the time is right for you.


By crorkz at 05,Aug,14 22:55

IMnr4O Awesome blog post.Thanks Again. Keep writing.


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