LIFE SUCKS

All hits you at once

I'm 19 years old about to be 20 in 30 days. Over the last year, I've lost all 3 of my best friends and the only girl I've ever loved because of my anger problems. Now, my walls are up so high that I've lost all confidence to even try anything with a girl now even when they're throwing themselves at me. Shit sucks right now. I want to go back to school, but I'm not sure what I want to do, I get drunk 5 nights out of the week, smoke a lot of weed, and my doctor diagnosed me with Dysthymic Disorder, which is pretty much a never-ending black hole of depression that doesn't go away unless treated. I've lost all motivation to do pretty much anything with myself other than slowly let my health deteriorate and let all my friends slip through my fingers. I want to feel like I'm worth something, but I always put myself down and I have the worst safety mechanism in my brain that prevents me from taking any risks that could emotionally hurt me. Last but not least, my ex aborted the baby we were going to have when we broke up, and 2 months later, she gets knocked up by her new man and their baby is due in just 2 weeks. I just can't believe how I can go from living young, wild, and free to down in the slums. I see no light in this tunnel of darkness. Shit sucks.