My Dad is such a stupid, fucking idiot. He cheated on my mom (or you could say the whole damn family) by going out with many girls behind our backs and eventually finding one to start a second family with. He's been with her for three years now and has a child with her, and the worst part is, the fucking dumbshit of a "father" decided it would be okay to name his new son exactly what he named me. I fucking hate him. It's like he didn't even bother to acknowledge the fact that his other son had that name, or the fact that he even already had another son another family. He is such a selfish fucking asshole. Even now, he spends all his time with that other fucking SECOND family instead spending time with us. And I think he married her after 3 years and he never married my mom after being with her for 19 years. He used our family as a resource for shelter, food, tv, bathroom, clothes for three fucking years and in my entire lifehe's never emotionally conne ted to me. Hell, we've never had a conversation. He doesn't even send us a little bit of cash to enjoy ourselves (we're poor as fuck) And because of that, my mom is always bitching and complaining about the stupidest shit ever. She turns every little disturbance into a huge fucking deal and in the end blaming me for it and explaining to me how I should be a better person and what I need to fix on myself. Fuck that. The reason I have all these problems is because of them. I blame my parents for everyhing that is wrong with me. It's their fault for not raising me to be the man I'm supposed to be. Hell, my father didn't fucking raise me at all, fucking selfish idiot. And my mom's always treated me sort of like crap and blamed me for the stupidest shit, just like the rest of her side of the family, which probably explains my low self esteem. I always feel like I fuck up. Even when I'm good at something, my temporary dose of pride never lasts. I feel fucking useless. I am a solo singer/songwriter and people always tell me that my stuff is good, like REALLY GOOD. And as much as it makes me happy to hear that, it makes me mad cause I don't believe them because I feel so unworthy of being able to accomplish anything. No one's really ever been there to really encourage me, not even my friends, if I had any. I only have two friends. A immensely awkward blaxican friend and a skinny, super depressed native american/mexican friend. And they're no fucking help whatsoever in anything I do. And I'd like more friends but I fu king hate almost everyone at school. Almost all of them are just a bunch of assholes that I don't need to be around (not like my friends are any better) but at least they aren't as obnoxious and self-pompous as everyone else. And to add to all that, I can't even get a girl, someone I can just connect to on an emotional level. I've been studying books on seduction and social dynamics and they've helped somewhat but its still so fucking hard, cause I want someone who I can relate and talk to. I need someone special. But whatever. Fuck it all.