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Motivation Loss

Posted by anonymous at July 10, 2012
Tags: July 2012

I am 17 years old girl, year 11 in highschool who completely lost motivation for school and constantly hating my own knowledge. My school report is horrible, everything is horrible. I even stopped being so religious. I used to enjoy school but now I hate it due to poor knowledge for maths and now, I hate my once-favourite-subject, Japanese Language because it suddenly got even more difficult. I dropped from Advanced English to Standard English, seeing that
I suck at grammar and nicknamed as "Broken-English." I feel so damn shameful, even though I was born in an English country, studied hard for English and now I see every attempt I've tried goes pointless. It's even more shameful that I love to write stories but thanks to stupid grammar problems, I refuse to let someone check my work because they're not bothered about my stupid piece of writing.
Heck, even teachers don't even help too well. One of the teachers even compared me with FOBS which really humuliated me. I also hate how they even send me to the cousellors. For me, it feels like I'm the insane person or even mentally retarded person.
Teachers honestly hate me just because I'm not a genius. I lost a sort friendship between the Japanese teacher but now I've lost it and she keeps avoiding me now. Even maths teacher hates me so bad, even though I didn't give a freakin' bad attitude to her. At home, everything is fine BUT every time if I just go to school, think about school, think about future, think about teachers, I just feel like breaking the doors down and go punch someone in the face. It feels like I'm dragging myself around like a puppet.

I have a dream about getting into Art Univerisity and become an Art teacher but it seems futile. All I can do is draw, sing and paint. Nothing else. I must've been stupid for having such fantasy imaginative thoughts. I tried to stay positive but I keep facing downfall.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 01,Oct,14 22:56

I'm not trying to be all "inspirational" or anything, but reading your story makes me feel...Well, not so lonely anymore. I'm in pretty much EXACTLY the same situation as you, except instead of Japanese I'm taking German. My math (I'm from the U.S.) teacher hates me and finds it funny to make me cry in front of the whole class. English is my favorite subject, and I love to write, and though I'm pretty good with grammar, I'm not good enough, and I too don't have people to check for me because nobody cares about what I write. All of my teachers pull me out of class and ask me if I'm ok, if I need a counselor, but they don't understand that I'm just frustrated, lonely, and not good at stupid math. My grades have dropped to near failing (60s) and the more everyone asks what's wrong, the worse I do. My friends are starting to get annoyed by my frustration and are ignoring me, and my AP German class is ridiculously hard. I'm not saying I have it worse off than you or anything, I'm just saying that it kind of makes me happy to see that other people are struggling just like me, that I'm not alone in my troubles. I hope that you manage to get your grades up and reunite yourself with that weird thing called "joy" that people talk about. But until then,stay strong! You sound like a really cool person.


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