LIFE SUCKS

Motivation Loss

I am 17 years old girl, year 11 in highschool who completely lost motivation for school and constantly hating my own knowledge. My school report is horrible, everything is horrible. I even stopped being so religious. I used to enjoy school but now I hate it due to poor knowledge for maths and now, I hate my once-favourite-subject, Japanese Language because it suddenly got even more difficult. I dropped from Advanced English to Standard English, seeing that
I suck at grammar and nicknamed as "Broken-English." I feel so damn shameful, even though I was born in an English country, studied hard for English and now I see every attempt I've tried goes pointless. It's even more shameful that I love to write stories but thanks to stupid grammar problems, I refuse to let someone check my work because they're not bothered about my stupid piece of writing.
Heck, even teachers don't even help too well. One of the teachers even compared me with FOBS which really humuliated me. I also hate how they even send me to the cousellors. For me, it feels like I'm the insane person or even mentally retarded person.
Teachers honestly hate me just because I'm not a genius. I lost a sort friendship between the Japanese teacher but now I've lost it and she keeps avoiding me now. Even maths teacher hates me so bad, even though I didn't give a freakin' bad attitude to her. At home, everything is fine BUT every time if I just go to school, think about school, think about future, think about teachers, I just feel like breaking the doors down and go punch someone in the face. It feels like I'm dragging myself around like a puppet.

I have a dream about getting into Art Univerisity and become an Art teacher but it seems futile. All I can do is draw, sing and paint. Nothing else. I must've been stupid for having such fantasy imaginative thoughts. I tried to stay positive but I keep facing downfall.