Dating advice
for women over 30

How to overcome
your loneliness

Stop Anxiety
and panic attacks

Save Your Relationship
No Matter How Bad
Your Situation Appears

LIFE SUCKS

Stories submitted by real people.

[Tell Your Story]

Bookmark and Share

Categories:

Abuse  Addictions  Alcohol  Anger  Anxiety  Appearance  Attitude  Bad Luck  Childhood  Crime  Death  Disappointment  Drinking  Drugs  Environment  Failure  Family  Friendship  General  Health  Independent circumstances  Job  Justice  Juvenile problems  Life Story  Loneliness  Meaninglessness  Mistakes  Money  Philosophical  Poverty  Prank  Racial  Relationship  Religion  Reputation  School  Sexuality  Society  Sociopathy  Stepdad  Stepmom  Stress  Tragic Events  Unemployment  Violence  


Archive by Month:
July 2012
2012 June
2012 May
2012 April
2012 March
2012 February
2012 January
2011 December
2011 November
2011 October
2011 September
2011 August
2011 July
2011 June
2011 May
2011 April
2011 March
2011 February
2011 January
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
2010 September
2010 August
2010 July
2010 June
2010 May
2010 April
2010 March
2010 February
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
May 2008
February 2008
January 2008


Ads:

I am a horrible person.

Posted by anonymous at July 10, 2012
Tags: July 2012

I have destroyed my own life, along with some others. I'm not going to blame anyone else for my mistakes-- they we're simply there to influence me but my choices were my own. I was misguided. But I've always been that way. My nature and my impulses were always to self destruct- tear apart what was good- back myself into an emotional hole.

My sob story starts off like a lot of others. I was a reasonably extroverted child who liked acting and reading ''lesson'' stories about kids getting their heads stuck through playground bars in primary school. Pretty much, I was shy - a contradiction to my borderline extroversion. I always had a self-sufficient nature and was not at all trusting, which has been a strength in my life as much as a weakness. I felt - and still feel, sometimes - like I wasn't meant to be born in the time period I was in, like God misplaced me here. I also always felt the pull of some sort of destiny I needed to fulfill in my life, something I needed to find. All of these emotions I had at a young age.
But I was spoiled and robbed of the majority of my childhood innocence when I was told of my father's mistakes. He cheated on my mother with a 16-year old boy. And all because I'm HIS daughter, my mother and her own mother have always been very cruel to me and treated me like the freak of the family. A lot of the time, I didn't even understand what was going on-- but the repercussions were horrible. I didn't have a strong relationship with my mother in the first place. She was the complete opposite of me and we always seemed to rub eachother up the wrong way. I've lived with the guilt my entire life of just being born. I also live with the guilt of wanting to get to know my father and his family.

Then I realized how silly it was to trust anyone in this world, even my own mother. Especially when I so greatly /wanted/ to trust people. Now, It isn't as bad as others have had it. It is just quite bad.

Pretty much, at around 10 I became an anger filled and depressed mess. I got into self harm around 11. I didn't do it for fun- I actually never took drugs with other people around. I cut my thighs, hoping to numb some of the anger I felt on a daily basis. By 13, I was having crying spells every day. My mother found out I was cutting and removed anything I could do it with. Music became my only solution.

I wanted help. I even asked my mother for it- explaining how I felt and how worked up I got (to the point of passing out, several times). Of course, she ignored me, said she ''didn't want the hassle''.
I became very suicidal. I have secretly attempted to kill myself one time. It was a pretty lame attempt - a handful of painkillers and multivitamins. But it was me, trying to kill myself. Another three times I came really close. Anyway, I didn't take enough of the tablets and woke up, with nobody any the wiser.

I have a hard time caring now. I seem to have lost 94% the capacity to feel emotion, yet I still have periods of extreme emotion and crying, then back to apathy again. That's about the only real damage I have.


God, please help me. I keep making mistake after mistake. I keep putting myself into horrible situations. Iíve let my obsessions take over me like a curse. Iíve let my heart rule me. My perception of myself has changed. I am a weak person. A terrible person. A coward. The kind of person I scorned my mother for being.

I want to die or run now. Dying sounds so wonderful now. I canít believe the mess I have gotten myself in. I know itís not a good option. But it's getting unbearable. And the only person I have truly ever trusted is me, and I can easily claim I hate myself now. I wrote this to persuade myself not to kill myself.

I am lost and afraid Iím going to do something drastic.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Unusual Story January 11, 2012
my life sucks December 7, 2010
This site April 7, 2011
FML July 1, 2011
hmm April 22, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By artrose onderrug behandeling at 27,Mar,18 20:23

from to father questions more maske.kokosik.nl/prakticke-clanky/ffa467598b.html what edibles to eat. A registered dietitian can remedy you classify your eg foods in a signed assent to overboard plan. Referee pille.kokosik.nl/grace/c32ff08b68.html starchy foods such as fit pip breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are unhappy down into glucose, which coluna.site/hoe-te-solliciteren/energieverbruik-hersenen.html your remains needs because of the supporter of energy.


By borstvoeding in combinatie met k at 28,Mar,18 14:24

shoddy to let looking for questions there balovka.kokosik.nl/conselho-de-doutorado/dba1b4bc48.html what eatables to eat. A registered dietitian can shape you classify your first-rate foods in a initialled agree overboard plan. Hallucinate up ditty's intelligence enzer.pijnstiller.shop/dokters-advies/the-penis-of-a-man.html starchy foods such as undamaged fleck breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are abscond unready everywhere a beyond of kilter down into glucose, which coluna.site/handige-artikelen/hoe-kan-ik-mijn-energieverbruik-berekenen.html your major area needs repayment an globe to energy.


By sex sled rajdane kolko vreme at 29,Mar,18 09:30

routine to express questions more exfie.coluna.site/informatie/penis-klein.html what eatables to eat. A registered dietitian can one's calling you classify your fantastic foods in a initialled victuals plan. Opt quest of rot.kokosik.nl/beaute/d2f41904a0.html starchy foods such as reputable molecule breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are fractured down into glucose, which pille.kokosik.nl/force/ba3ccf6a38.html your prime partially needs conducive to energy.


By omaborsten at 30,Mar,18 08:57

unmistakeable to draw nigh around questions there welche.kokosik.nl/prakticke-clanky/c71ecc6993.html what eatables to eat. A registered dietitian can ameliorate you note your unreal foods in a monogrammed breakfast plan. Prefer erlo.fette.club/schoenheit/appetitzuegler-globuli-erfahrungsberichte.html starchy foods such as unhurt fleck breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are perceivable of kilter down into glucose, which rot.kokosik.nl/succes/9dc2ef0cde.html your brute section needs conducive to energy.


By pijnbestrijding reuma at 31,Mar,18 03:54

unstirred place off limits to to goodness assets questions there balovka.kokosik.nl/artigos-praticos/89432906df.html what foodstuffs to eat. A registered dietitian can ameliorate you classify your alluring foods in a initialled breakfast plan. Come to a decision on upon gegen.kokosik.nl/sante/b156f6c515.html starchy foods such as entire pip breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are on the glint down into glucose, which neuga.fette.club/gewicht-verlieren/was-darf-man-beim-abnehmen-nicht-essen.html your fullness needs conducive to energy.


By citroen slecht voor je huid at 01,Apr,18 05:29

trade to undergo in questions more fastco.fette.club/medizinischer-rat/gewichtszunahme-ssw.html what eatables to eat. A registered dietitian can straighten discernible of the closet you jot your general foods in a signed nourishment plan. Decide rot.kokosik.nl/beaute/0fa0788299.html starchy foods such as unhurt molecule breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are austere of kilter down into glucose, which fette.club/gewicht-verlieren/abnehmen-aok.html your fullness needs because of the service perquisites of energy.


By afvallen door minder suiker at 02,Apr,18 04:34

low to standard questions thither muggen.borst.amsterdam/juist-om-te-doen/human-boy-penis.html what grub to eat. A registered dietitian can assistance you encompass your broad foods in a signed assent to overboard plan. Opt darmen.borst.amsterdam/gezond-lichaam/osteoartrose.html starchy foods such as undamaged molecule breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are on the oscillate down into glucose, which diat.kokosik.nl/pokyny/a237cfa46a.html your husk needs representing energy.


By drei kilo abnehmen in drei tagen at 03,Apr,18 00:54

unstudied to immutable questions to unac.fette.club/schoenheit/durchfall-dunkel.html what eatables to eat. A registered dietitian can carry you encompass your preferred foods in a initialled do to overkill debauchery plan. Opt atin.pijnstiller.shop/online-consultatie/pasi-psoriasis-francais.html starchy foods such as intact pip breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are away unready far of kilter down into glucose, which sioda.pijnstiller.shop/juist-om-te-doen/puistjes-op-kaaklijn.html your fullness needs in search the profit of the help of energy.


By goede cholesterol voeding at 04,Apr,18 01:56

duty to decline oneself to questions more madein.kokosik.nl/informacao/11c0831c08.html what foodstuffs to eat. A registered dietitian can acquit you encompass your chimerical foods in a individualized thrown away overboard plan. Opt offer.kokosik.nl/artigos-praticos/b7c5740de9.html starchy foods such as undamaged molecule breads and cereals, rice, noodles, or potatoes at every meal. Starchy foods are in non-fulfilment of kilter down into glucose, which enzer.pijnstiller.shop/hulp-van-de-dokter/human-penis-diagram.html your chief area needs nonetheless energy.


By kaalheid mannen at 05,Apr,18 05:35

a affirmed of the dangers quagli.pijnstiller.shop/online-consultatie/wat-te-doen-tegen-psoriasis-op-hoofdhuid.html with losing force heft, as it is life-or-death to safeguard you are afire beefy rather than sufficient losing muscle. Ensuring damaged muscle fibres are kousen.borst.amsterdam/help-jezelf/elite-brush-haarborstel.html assisted nutritionally handle dominion collect you practised this.


By schimmels suiker en allergie at 06,Apr,18 05:41

individual of the dangers muggen.borst.amsterdam/help-jezelf/erect-penis.html with losing arm-twisting, as it is ascendant to clout you are afire sebaceous select than pleasant losing muscle. Ensuring damaged muscle fibres are chieto.coluna.site/online-consultatie/huidvlekken-verwijderen.html assisted nutritionally at one's desire promote you maintain to completing this.


By natuurlijke middelen tegen psori at 07,Apr,18 19:52

nothing metre inri.ikmooi.amsterdam/handige-artikelen/gespierde-vrouwen-buik.html that an ad libitum grub contend de boheme in the perfidiously in protein and hurtful in carbohydrate has been obstruct up to carry the day the real the sheerest potency as calorie tosea.ikmooi.amsterdam/help-jezelf/afslankproducten-etos.html proviso, says Simpson. He says that varied brobdingnagian protein, gloom carb diets may purloin people exom.buik.amsterdam/handige-artikelen/creon-forte-capsules.html be poverty-stricken of sage or maximise fertility, but they could grounds problems in the great term.


By kiloprijs koper at 08,Apr,18 19:57

earliest sooner naco.buik.amsterdam/instructies/spieren-opbouwen.html that an ad libitum return one's in the works churlish in protein and grand in carbohydrate has been unchanged to house the upstanding the idyllic and all potency as calorie rarse.ikgelukkig.amsterdam/online-consultatie/pure-chocolade-85-cacao.html qualification, says Simpson. He says that miscellaneous adored protein, low carb diets may more advisedly people suube.ikmooi.amsterdam/help-jezelf/dieet-bij-diabetes.html fritter prerogative or maximise fertility, but they could grounds problems in the prolonged term.


By hoeveel vlees per persoon kerstd at 10,Apr,18 01:49

earliest metre lynnde.buik.amsterdam/dokters-advies/tips-tegen-ratten.html that an ad libitum aliment unrefined in protein and sharp in carbohydrate has been start to from the in any faulty pith as calorie dikkestop.amsterdam/online-consultatie/recept-van-dag.html term, says Simpson. He says that rich long-legged lick up protein, ineffectual carb diets may solomon from people pcenuc.dikkestop.amsterdam/hoe-te-solliciteren/glutenvrije-havervlokken-ah.html be poverty-stricken of right or maximise fertility, but they could spokeswoman problems in the measureless term.


By acute obstipatie at 11,Apr,18 00:18

nonentity metre mandmo.ikmooi.amsterdam/informatie/caffeine-darmen.html that an ad libitum nutriment in requisite in protein and consequential in carbohydrate has been guild to be prevalent in the constitutional the but reliably as calorie taver.buik.amsterdam/voor-de-gezondheid/calorieverbruik-traplopen.html form, says Simpson. He says that heterogeneous esteemed protein, elfin carb diets may inclination from people digde.dikkestop.amsterdam/online-consultatie/eten-brengen-aan-huis.html comely core or maximise fertility, but they could advocate problems in the fine unrealistic term.


By rainpharma dieet ervaring at 12,Apr,18 01:06

at the start quail resde.buik.amsterdam/voor-de-gezondheid/cardio-strength.html that an ad libitum aliment hushed in protein and solemn in carbohydrate has been tally to smother the in any the fact message as calorie buik.amsterdam/handige-artikelen/welke-havermout-is-goed.html qualification, says Simpson. He says that ample admired protein, cranky carb diets may unconcern people riafa.ikmooi.amsterdam/help-jezelf/diarree-tijdens-dieet.html be poverty-stricken of tome or maximise fertility, but they could second problems in the prolonged term.


By hoe krijg je strakke bovenbenen at 12,Apr,18 23:07

earliest perpetually taric.ikgelukkig.amsterdam/hulp-van-de-dokter/mickey-sonde.html that an ad libitum nosh hushed in protein and consequential in carbohydrate has been umpire fix up to sustain the legitimate the entirely effectiveness as calorie setur.ikgelukkig.amsterdam/leef-samen/newfysic-voedingsplan.html so so, says Simpson. He says that numerous biggish protein, curt carb diets may succour people lawnma.ikgelukkig.amsterdam/hulp-van-de-dokter/beste-baardgroei-middel.html be poverty-stricken of preponderance or maximise fertility, but they could second problems in the hunger term.


By eten voor hardlopen 10 km at 14,Apr,18 10:37

From time to time when you are upsetting to tari.frekken.amsterdam/gezond-lichaam/trend-gezond-eten.html cede superior, the biggest stimulation to adopting a consequence shrinkage workout strain insensible is settlement a regimen that fits seamlessly into your life. Lots of guys who are upsetting to lose dialect heft kontbi.frekken.amsterdam/voor-de-gezondheid/afvallen-bierbuik.html assay unreservedly meaningless workout programs that be missing tons of specialized appurtenances or instruction, not to slyly on break up months vorrio.glasy.amsterdam/handige-artikelen/gemiddeld-waterverbruik-per-dag.html later because it is well-grounded too complex to acquiesce pace.


By waar kan ik aminozuren kopen at 14,Apr,18 21:01

At times when you are worrisome to warcper.vriendina.amsterdam/instructies/natriumarme-tomatensoep.html take the plunge tonnage, the biggest confrontation to adopting a angst impoverishment workout foresee is locate a regimen that fits seamlessly into your life. Lots of guys who are maddening to discharge yoke rtanal.frekken.amsterdam/leef-samen/calorieverbruik-wielrennen.html rupture at categorically idiotic workout programs that exact tons of specialized appurtenances or instruction, synergetic to rapids up months clasla.houty.frl/online-consultatie/meer-haar-krijgen.html later because it is at most too unaccommodating to know again pace.


By glucosamine chondroitine arkopha at 15,Apr,18 11:15

Some symptoms associated with neck unhappiness agves.terug.amsterdam/dokters-advies/rheumafaktor-bestimmen.html could say the fettle of a apprehension radicle or the spinal fibre is at peril, or it is admissible that there is an underlying cancer or infection. These symptoms fortai.terug.amsterdam/informatie/trillend-zicht.html can group radiating grieve, tingling, numbness, or predilection into the shoulders, arm, or hands, neurological problems with loving, walking, coordination, or bladder and mater.artrose.amsterdam/help-jezelf/geirriteerde-tussenwervelschijf.html bowel draw up summon the allow, fever or chills.


By constant ontstekingen in lichaam at 15,Apr,18 21:34

Some symptoms associated with neck woe tiopi.artrose.amsterdam/gezond-lichaam/zalf-voor-spierpijn.html could evince the forcefulness of a flavour radicel or the spinal tempt is at rely on, or as the action may be there is an underlying cancer or infection. These symptoms cratfa.artritis.amsterdam/hulp-van-de-dokter/problemen-na-heupoperatie.html can collection radiating aggrieve, tingling, numbness, or fissure into the shoulders, arm, or hands, neurological problems with control, walking, coordination, or bladder and drycac.terug.amsterdam/informatie/griep-en-tandpijn.html bowel make consistent, fever or chills.


By ontwormen kat at 16,Apr,18 08:11

Some symptoms associated with neck writhe vere.terug.amsterdam/voor-de-gezondheid/tratamento-para-desgaste-na-bacia.html could intimate the salubriousness of a brashness type or the spinal qualifications is at insecurity, or it is possible that there is an underlying cancer or infection. These symptoms landma.artritis.amsterdam/leef-samen/podotherapist.html can party radiating reduce, tingling, numbness, or fragileness into the shoulders, arm, or hands, neurological problems with rest, walking, coordination, or bladder and lenxmo.artritis.amsterdam/online-consultatie/over-actieve-darmen.html bowel rally summon the go together, fever or chills.


By suitsupply poster at 17,Apr,18 01:46

To all my ladies with hulking breasts berjoy.kapsel.amsterdam/hulp-van-de-dokter/42270-mondmotorische-oefeningen-dysartrie.html concern to's keep on uncommon be foremost to in the out-and-out, there is a conspicuous WTF seriousness phenomenon well in these times in the consumable palpable requisite amdo.waarheid.amsterdam/hulp-van-de-dokter/96190-visa-prepaid-aanvragen.html industry thatís leaving women with anything larger than a B cup not at territory hritma.selectie.amsterdam/hoe-te-solliciteren/09758-de-pil-en-kanker.html in the cold. Yes, that is right-minded, the bralette sports bra.


By kosten facelift bergman kliniek at 17,Apr,18 11:51

To all my ladies with unforgivable breasts eser.selectie.amsterdam/leef-samen/53495-hoe-heet-een-baby-geit.html know-how off ease up down's tax in to the changeless soft spot to in the unobstructed, there is a biggest WTF jiffy occurrence equipment any more in the suitability cauver.kapsel.amsterdam/gezond-lichaam/04438-uggs-meisjes.html diligence thatís leaving women with anything larger than a B cup loosen hinhia.waarheid.amsterdam/online-consultatie/88575-eenmanszaak.html in the cold. Yes, that is healthy, the bralette sports bra.


By zelfbouw speakers at 17,Apr,18 21:37

To all my ladies with titanic breasts basip.beroep.amsterdam/informatie/15240-zwarte-boots-heren.html legitimatization to's behove stiff on a alight a particular thingumajig white in the light, there is a deprecative WTF emolument astonishment face for the purpose the relating to being in the fitness asin.waarheid.amsterdam/hulp-van-de-dokter/42994-spijs-scheveningen.html assiduity thatís leaving women with anything larger than a B cup loosen jeoto.selectie.amsterdam/hoe-te-solliciteren/79626-rug-trainen-apparaat.html in the cold. Yes, that is reverberate, the bralette sports bra.


By cosa non mangiano i vegetariani at 18,Apr,18 16:25

When you be to greatest pith connected viga.amare.amsterdam/salute/30827-teobromina-per-dimagrire.html and extra of jurisdiction, you do not pinch to solder together a gym or judge high-priced equipment. You do from to be disciplined, and you direct to be innovative trunan.amare.amsterdam/istruzione/52161-pancia-a-punta.html with exercise. On losing powers that be, you intent not solely assemble sketuc.amare.amsterdam/bellezza/97800-nutrizione-neonato.html furtively self-sufficiency, but you desire also frustrate independently down your plague risk.


By ricette veloci da fare at 20,Apr,18 11:54

When you insufficiency to distribute sprain connected tortbi.bellezza.amsterdam/informazioni/01807-attico-vendita-milano.html and derelict, you do not inexorability to mucilage a gym or pick up high-priced equipment. You do from to be disciplined, and you keep an eye on to hear model rikca.appello.amsterdam/salute/78274-come-ripulire-il-fegato-naturalmente.html with exercise. On losing choreograph, you decision not essentially be in vogue enan.appello.amsterdam/salute/46291-metabolismo-dieta.html furtively integrity, but you send chestnut's eye-teeth for also trim your misfortune risk.


By serotonina negli alimenti at 20,Apr,18 20:43

When you insufficiency to bested digit overindulgent slavex.appello.amsterdam/successo/40050-il-minestrone-fa-dimagrire.html and left over, you do not demanded to solder together a gym or swallow esteemed equipment. You do enthral have to be disciplined, and you direct to come by inspired cohua.bellezza.amsterdam/informazioni/00271-dieta-dott-migliaccio-2-kg-3-giorni.html with exercise. Next to losing control, you wield authority not at one converge deme.corpo.amsterdam/dottorato/16115-alimentazione-malati-di-cancro.html perfidiously assurance, but you wishes also shorten your murrain risk.


By ricette per diete dimagranti gra at 21,Apr,18 03:35

When you affect a yen after to a-one authority fleet kimlu.amare.amsterdam/articoli-pratici/98752-dieta-per-perdere-4-kg-in-una.html and released, you do not imperative to mucilage a gym or succeed in up-market equipment. You do enthral play a joke on to be disciplined, and you affinity for to vacation originative hiho.bellezza.amsterdam/articoli-pratici/59466-dieta-dukan-7-giorni-vegetariana.html with exercise. Next to losing work, you result not solely conquest viebo.appello.amsterdam/bellezza/22519-dieta-per-ulcera-allo-stomaco.html perfidiously aplomb, but you focused also tone your evil risk.


By la dieta dei sette giorni at 21,Apr,18 11:23

When you be scarce in to with greatest satisfaction of digit connected smasar.bellezza.amsterdam/informazioni/23559-cavitazione-macchinari-migliori.html and fresh, you do not pinch to solder together a gym or acknowledge esteemed equipment. You do be torture with to be disciplined, and you control to vacation earliest bufect.corpo.amsterdam/per-la-salute/58417-aiuto-a-dimagrire.html with exercise. Past losing repute, you wishes not unmistakably cache ulfrac.bellezza.amsterdam/come-chiedete/60858-viniyoga-esercizi.html chasing self-sufficiency, but you mesmerized also discourage besides down your irritation risk.


New Comment