My fate is probably the worst ever , it's not because of violence, nor drugs or sexual abuse... it's rejection, loneliness my own wish
I know that i cannot be normal again, i will never have peace, friends, bf, job, normal life...
I was born in very small town in happy family,10 years raised mostly by my grandmother and grandfather and aunt ... we had big house with everything we needed
Till my stupid childish mother found another man, by women standarts he can be considered handsome, well i didn't gave a shit about him ( a big fuckin mistake)didn't pay attention of how stupid he was, he took my mother and me to live with him in a big city: Like all other men he was nice at the beggining , 3 more years and he became a fucking annoying prick , my mother was still in love with him , they were poor ,the stupid fuck didn't knew how the money thing work and by my 13 birthday i was very slim starved kid. The prick always loved to blame the others for his failures to uderstand how the world works, it was me mostly. I became the stupid ugly anorexic quiet kid , i started to listen to rock and buy beer with stolen money. i was completly rejected by society , the school was hell the worst time of my life , it was horrible i could never wish this upon my wrost enemy. Smile there smile here , i became the something is not in right in this kid head - kid, the problems home were all the same , i was blamed even if is was raining outside or it was too hot. I didn't end school , i couldn't stand staying there watching how others make fun of me, i bacame crazy girl who skipped the school , i was as away from ppl as posible, i didn't want any contact with anybody.
the only thign that kept me alive were my hobbies , like music, internet and gaming .I still had problems with alcohol till my 19 birthday ...
I'm always at home, as you can guess from that smiling little girl with my 3 best friends from my garden grandfathers house , is little left
i feel really old and very sick , i never experienced( sex,love..) anything but i felt this way .. like i need to end this long journey
it's hard to describe my psycological damage , im not monster ... but inside, i'm scared to look inside of myself, so much rejection so much hate for this world.... it's hard for me to join again this society , i'm scared to scare other people, i don't want anyone to know me , to know who really i'm . I'm 20 right now, i've gained weight , maybe too much. It's like a new start but inside i know it's just the beginning of another years in hell. I hope i die from cancer because i know those years of inactivity had done some damages to my body , i just hope this will end my existence.