Sometimes if someone asks me to share my life story I say no. Why? Well it's because I'm scared of what they may think after I'm done. Everyone that has tried to find out I've told to fuck off. And I only opened up to one girl who means so much to me, because she knows how I feel. But now, I think that there are people out there who should know about my life. All I should be considered to you is a 15 year old boy with too much anger, stress and sleeping problems. You don't know my name, you don't know who my friends are, you don't know where I live so why does it matter?
I'm growing up in a dysfunctional family. My father has a range of mental disorders, including bi-polar. My mother has anxiety and depression. She puts all her hope in an imaginary god who doesn't exist. My oldest sister exploits herself in ways I will not describe. My other sister on the other hand is the opposite. She is anti social and is slow. Meaning she thinks differently. Then we come to my brother. He is the worst case. He has drug induced psychosis. (Psychosis from doing many different drugs) From when he was 15-22 he would smoke, weed, crack, snort cocaine, eat shrooms,take heroin, ecstasy. I think weed is fine. I even do it a few times a month. But when it comes to drugs this serious....I can't help but to feel sorry for my brother. Anyway. My brother is on anti psychotic medicine and will be on it for the rest of his life. Now that he's 25 all hope for him is lost really....
Then comes me...I have insomnia, I have a huge anger issue and depression. My depression is caused by thinking about so many negative things. I worry about problems that are not in my control. I just can't help it. I think of killing myself and other people that I hate on a daily basis.
Sometimes I wish really wish I could tell absolutely EVERYTHING to someone. But the only person that I feel I can tell is a wonderful girl I have so many feelings for. She knows quite a bit about me and I know quite a bit about her. But sometimes I really wonder if she feels the same way as I feel about her:(
Besides it would take hours to tell every detail....maybe some things are just better off kept secret...
I hate school and never want to go. I hate so many of the teachers and fucking ass holes that go to my school. I really wish that I could start a fight with one without getting suspended or expelled....so many of them need to have their lives turned upside down and made tougher. Rich, spoiled douches.
Essentially academically speaking I'm a smart person. I understand almost everything in all my classes. Except when it comes to a stupid test I panic, forget things and screw up! For example. Math. I understood everything. You name it. When the test came I scored something like 70%. Just because I didn't have confidence in myself I panicked and fucked up. School sucks. It barely teaches me anything. I learn more by myself when I'm reading books or surfing the web learning about things that interest me and will be useful in the future. So FUCK SCHOOL.
Right now I'm seeing a psychiatrist on a weekly basis. I may be put on some sort of meds. Tell you what though. If the world wasn't so fucked up I would be a way better person.
Although my life isn't as bad as some of the children in Africa that struggle to survive due to lack of food or water, children that have been affected by civil war or have no parents...my life is still pretty bad. And if I don't find a way to solve my issues soon I might as well just be dead.
So if you think that your life is shit because your sister always takes the TV remote and you can't watch your favorite TV show. Just shut your little mouth.